i was curious.

So I took a look at that pro-Mahasiswa CD that some people had so much money to make. The official song was lousy, in all honesty, so I skipped that one 23 seconds into the video. Hey, at least I gave it 23 seconds ok. Can’t stand songs with that kind of drum beat. Makes me want to put on a school tie and yawn.

Anyway, moved on to the next interesting-looking thing.

 

…which is actually just a bunch of people marching around and shouting. Not recommended for those who dislike public displays of emotion.

Thankfully, I didn’t give up on the CD, and continued clicking on the other videos. Except for the one about kesenian and kepimpinan, they were all pretty good, actually.

 

 

The kepimpinan one was lawak giler la. Not because of the video per se, but because of this dude up there (starting from 0:23, the above is 0:41). Those familiar with Karam Singh Walia from TV3 would understand. Aha!

Watch this video if you really want to know:

 

This one was lawak too:

 

This one I didn’t understand, but the biker was cool and the alim guy was good-looking.

 

This one was basically self-praise la.

 

Propaganda aside, the videos were pretty well-made. Though, I wonder where they got the money to do such things (plus put up life-size banners with every candidate’s face on campus and promotional coloured banners on every pole lining the flyover to UM). *ponders innocently*

Those of you who have the CD can go watch la. My reviews are quite accurate, I think. *ahem*

People with so much money and so much concern for the general welfare of the UM public should produce a real perpaduan movie like Gadoh or something.

Am I being cynical?

Neh.

I really think it could happen.

If they really care.

Whoops. Cynicism.

By the way, George said that I’m very cynical. A few days later, Ms. Sharon Kaur said the same thing in class.

Well.

Aha.

today’s a pictures-paint-a-thousand words day.

How has life been? –famous question-

I feel like I need to stop for a moment.

 

I feel like my mind has stopped being collected.

 

I feel different.

(pembuat wayang siaran langsung tingkap - kee aun’s contribution)

 

i feel like myself, yet slightly mismatched.

 

I feel the urge to conform.

 

I will not.

 

I will be who I am.

Hah. If only I could say it with as much gusto.

law-med challenge 2010.

 

i think the title’s too small.

at this hour, with li ern and kee aun in my head, green is the only colour i can think of.

it looks like something i saw on the bulletin board before la.

sleep neway. bleh.

too young to die.

when are we old enough to die?

I read this today.

"God is not the God of the dead, but of the living."

Matthew 22:34

At the end of the day, God calls us into life.
Heaven or hell,
Lake of fire or mansions of glory,
in His own time,
but into life.

Thought of the day.

a chasing after the wind.

from now on i'm staying put.
turn around and come back for me if you want.

Updates on Raymond.

Update from Cassandra:

21 January 2010.

Updates from Daniel See:

#1 Raymond might be transferred to KL Hospital by tomorrow or the next day, but don't know which KL hospital yet. All KL Hospitals don't want to accept Raymond.

#2 KL doctors will only accept Raymond if my parents allow them to do some experiment on him, but my parents don't allow them to do any experiment on him.

#3 Wanna inform you that Baptist Church @ Durian Daun is also praying for Raymond. Praise be to the Lord because now churches are not thinking about denominations or what church anyone is from. We are all in the body of Christ.

#4 My mother talked to Raymond while he was in a coma. She told him to get well soon because CNY is getting nearer and nearer, so that Ray can also celebrate together. After that although Ray's eyes were closed, we saw tears roll out of his eyes... Raymond responded with tears...

#5 Ray's eyes can't close, even though the doctor tried to close his eyes. Ray's eyes are starting to develop bacterial infections because his eyes are open 24 hours. Doctor had to use a special glue to temporarily glue his eyes shut from bacterial infections.

The whole thing is so bizarre. It’s like the rest of us are lagging behind wondering what this is all about while God talks to the doctors. As hopeless and helpless as we feel, let us remember that He lets us know what we cannot do so that we may know what He can do. In our weakness His strength is made perfect! (2 Corinthians 12:9)

There are friends praying everywhere – friends from Temerloh GC, Shah Alam GC, Bandar Tek GC (Kajang), Baptist Church Malacca, RBS (Uncle Dex, Uncle Hilmy…), people in Malacca, people outside Malacca, people outside Malaysia, friends who’ve seen our blog posts, our Facebook status updates, and our MSN display names…

People are praying just because a brother is in pain. The Lord moves, and He moves in His own way. He will be faithful to finish the work He began in Raymond. (Philippians 1:6) We, in turn, must continue to be faithful to pray for our brother.

january jellybeans.

Happy birthday to the boy who always says “Hwei… –_-”, and,

 

To think that I was afraid of Sam two weeks into Bible School. And I only discovered three years later that he was afraid of me too. Hah!

Anyway.

Without Sam, I wouldn’t have gotten to know Desmond, and I wouldn’t have gone to PJGH. So all PJGH-ians should appreciate Sam more, because without him, you wouldn’t have met me. *Sob - terharu*

[It’s ok to feel old. I’ll be 22 too soon. *pats Sam on the back sympathetically*]

 

And Happy Birthday to the girl I take candid shots of so very often, and who also always says, “Tse Hwei… –_-”

 

To think that it’s been a year and four months since I last mistook you and Sue-Lyn as sisters, and then didn’t know what to say when you said you weren’t related. Hm.

Anyway.

Sorry about my oath of silence the other day. I can be quite stubborn when I want to prove a point. (blame Sam! =P) Thanks for always being there in CG. It helped keep me going for CG that entire year.

By the way, I came across one of the rare files I actually named.

And I named it,

Edward Clipperhands.

=.=

Anyway.

[Ditto what I wrote for Sam, including the sympathetic pat]

 

Happy birthday, jellybeans!

lessons from yesterday.

if we only do the things we're good at,
and not simply the things we love,
that makes us simple cowards,
because we daren't test uncharted waters.


it hurts when people think i can do Law only because i have sufficient command of the english language.

why don't we talk about the brain that i may have too?

=(

just to prove hooi ping wrong.

I woke up at 6.45am with three hours of sleep (note: Lim Tse Hwei cannot hutang tidur wan), had my breakfast, washed up, and did my last-minute packing (reminds me of secondary school) and was ready to go at 7.45am.

Somehow left the house at 7.55am anyway cuz of my *ahem* passengers, and sped my way (note: when Hwei says “sped” she means 70km/h) to the Faculty.

Gave a sigh of resignation when I saw that it was already 8.10am, but ended up grinning triumphantly anyway when I realized that the lecturer with the ungodly lecture hours hadn’t come in yet.

I nicely picked a seat (i got to pick a seat!) and opened my journal, waiting for my triumphant moment where I could finally write:

“I watched Pn. Halida walk in. HAH!”

 

And then.

Urgh.

Me>Chelsea: “Um…”

 

I missed the first half of the lecture anyway.

Ya, that’s what I wrote in my journal in place of that triumphant line I’d wanted to write.

 

 

Ya, ya, it looked like that.

 

(me>chelsea: “after this post i definitely won’t get a boyfriend nemore.”)

yes, i will eat asam pedas for raymond.

knowing that you love someone.

10 ways (from Zhong Yan).

1. You talk or chat with him/her late at night and still think of him/her when you go to bed.

2. You walk really slow when you are with him/her.

3. You don’t feel okay when he/she is far away.

4. You smile when you hear his/her voice.

6. He/she is everything to what you think.

7. You smile every time you look at him/her.

8. There’s a person in your mind while you’ve been reading this.

9. You’ve been so busy thinking of that person that you didn’t notice that Number 5 is missing.

10. You’re checking if that’s true and you’re silently laughing to yourself.

 

The entire SMS hinges on that interesting assumption.

I thought that was worth a mention.

mangkuk.

hwei>geng yi: "hey, are you around this weekend?"

chen li: "no, he's a square."

Raymond.

Update from Daniel See:

Doctors say the virus has spread to more parts of his brain. "Anything can happen..." They don't know what virus it is, but they suspect it's a kind of JE.

Anything can happen.
Including miracles.

Over the past few days, I’ve realized how difficult praying alone is.

The special thing about the Christian community is that we draw strength from each other.

and…

Until yesterday, I didn’t realize I didn’t have a label for “prayer”.

While praying for the Haitians today, PJGH’s elder prayed:

We can’t do anything, except cry to You, and ask for Your grace and mercy. We don’t know how else to pray except that Your will be done on earth, as it is in heaven.

Be strong enough to pray that prayer.

and she said,

“with Christ in the vessel, we can smile at the storm.”

-cassandra.

 

oh, the strength that He provides.

2010 is just not 2009.

so many things are changing this year.

too many relationships are changing. too many friends in the hospitals. too many lives affected.

too much change.

today i just received word that the doctors are telling us to be prepared emotionally, because he isn’t doing well. i don’t know what’s wrong with him. it’s not encephalitis, it’s not meningitis, not dengue, not H1N1, not malaria, not anything familiar at all. in fact, it’s nothing at all. they don’t know what’s wrong with him either.

when did doctors start saying things like, “we don’t know what’s wrong with him” and “the lumbar puncture results are out, but we still don’t know”?

it’s like a lawyer saying, “i don’t know the applicable law in this case” and “i’ve looked through the precedents, but i still don’t know”, or a mother saying, “i don’t know, dear”, and “i see your pain, dear, but i don’t know what’s wrong”.

it’s not right.

and now he has a brain infection that the CT scan says is getting worse.

how can someone be okay one day, and have a mysterious illness the next?

what’s it like to be in a coma?

what’s it like to see your fiance like that?

we need to pray for raymond. we need to seriously pray for raymond.

people, please get on your knees and pray!

life without datin.

And so Datin said that we're so useless, hopeless, brainless, and every other "less" that she doesn't want us anymore.

She swapped our class for the other tutor's class. All her classes have been swapped, in fact.

These days I see my newly-victimized coursemates look depressed every Thursday, the same way I looked back in the dark ages.

Funny. I used to get mad at Jason for downplaying my Wednesday-night-and-entire-Thursday depressions. Having swapped shoes, I see that if I hadn't gone through the same experience, I would probably do the same thing.

I used to wish that someone - ANYONE - would take me out for lunch or dinner or even TEA, on Thursdays. Any of the new victims feeling the same way today? I'll take you out for lunch, no problem. That's why I'm still in the Faculty anyway.

On another note, I remembered what I Plurked some time ago.

I wish everyone was the same.
Though boring, life would be much easier.

Yesterday, I entertained the same thought.

But then again, if nobody was different, there won't be much to live for. And so.

I wish we could do more with our differences.

write wrote writing writ.

i've been writing for forever. (is it alright to have two 'for's right next to each other?)

well.

i did say i love writing.

boom back at me.

ah. but i still love writing.

write write write.

it's 3.43am.

time to go pretend to have enough sleep for the 9am class.

i need 8 hours of sleep, people. my body cries, "rigid!".

.

.

.

i still love writing.

ta.

i tried.

it was day 5 until you came.

this is so amreeta.

sunday’s theme.

Assemblies like mine, (the names end with “hall”, “chapel” or “centre” wan) don’t have someone leading the worship upfront. Anyone (except women) may stand to request a song, or lead everyone in prayer, or read something from the Bible, or just say something. The peculiar thing about all this is that there is still usually a theme we follow, usually set by the first person.

In PJGH, a selected person will begin the day’s worship every month. Today, Uncle Wee Min shared from 1 Peter, about how we’re a chosen people, and a holy nation, a people belonging to God.

Somewhere, somehow, the theme shifted to… “How Great is Our God”.

Was pretty confused until Uncle Kim Shah’s sharing sank in:

The people surrounding the Israelites didn’t fear the Israelites,

but the God of the Israelites.

A holy nation we are, indeed, but we’re holy because the God who chose us is holy. The prayer of a righteous man avails much, but it is the righteous God who answers. (-Mrs Chuah-)

Then the theme slowly turned towards “People Need the Lord”, and this line in the song struck me:

When will we realize

People need the Lord?

Benny shared about a Sikh who somehow drove his car into a drain, and how he helped push his car out of the thing. The guy, in um, gratitude, said, “Brother, you don’t worry. I will call my friends and we will protect you and your church.” That showed me that there is still much good we can do in the face of trouble. In fact, there is much MORE that we can do.

Then Shaw Mei closed the session with a prayer:

Jesus Christ went to Calvary for them,

as much as He did for us.

By His stripes we are healed,

And we pray for healing upon the hurts of this nation.

Yup. Typical Sunday.

Exodus 14:14

“The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

Hooi Ping and I were caught in slow-moving traffic yesterday.

At one *slow-moving* point, we listened to the news on the radio, and my thoughts spoke out loud:

Does God really need us to defend His name?

Truly. If He’s a mighty God, does He need us to kill, to hurt, and to fight to… I don’t know, defend Him?

I’ve never read in the Bible about God telling anyone to fight for Him. In fact, He repeatedly tells us that He fights for us, which is logical. What good is a God who needs a species susceptible to, inter alia*, heart diseases, dengue, athlete’s foot, other illnesses, lying, cheating, procrastination, adultery, lust, being late for classes and meetings, selfishness, and greed, to defend Him?

“Whoever does not love does not know God,

because God is love.”

-1 John 4:8-

It makes even less sense when your God is love. Not just a God of love, but love itself.

Well.

We can’t change people, I guess. But I realize that now is the time to love.

“I tell you: Love your enemies and

pray for those who persecute you…

If you love those who love you,

what reward will you get?

Are not even the tax collectors doing that?

And if you greet only your brothers,

what are you doing more than others?

Do not even pagans do that?”

-Matthew 5:44-47-

Sigh.

What? He said to love. He didn’t say it would be easy.

*among other things

me: “lecturers speculate the high court decision will be overturned by the court of appeal. nevermind, still got federal court.”

 

chelsea: “how come anything got to do with chelsea always fall under ‘just laughing’ wan?”

Myra handed out some paper promoting herself and encouraging people to vote for her as Secretary for ALSA. At the bottom of the thingy was this:

Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without-Confucius.

 

Chelsea just came over and said:

“Eh what does this mean? ‘Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without Confucius?’ Why without Confucius leh?”

 

XD

*explain explain explain* then commented:

“She’s trying to say she’s some diamond la, still got value although not perfect. Unfortunately tak berkesan, cuz people like you don’t understand. –_-!”

 

Chelsea:

“Apalah. Write this kind of thing. She’s a pebble ar.”

 

*blog blog blog*

 

Chelsea:

“Wait she visit your blog you die ah.”

liverpool:

"yer, the house got cat wan. if got mouse, ok lah. cat. eee."


har.

ahaha.

something deeper la.

I think it's been a long time since I last wrote about how I truly feel about things around me.

Met up with Beng Hui, Chen Li, Geng Yi, and Yoke Woon (note the alphabetical order) for dinner today. Beng Hui came to pick me up, and as soon as I entered the car, I realized a conversation had been going on about serving where you're from and serving where you are.

Oh, the familiarity of that conversation. How many times have I had it with myself?

I reread my previous posts, about the many attempts to fit into PJGH. It's funny how I seem to have forgotten all of it. Worse still, I have failed to see that they were all part of a single process towards fitting into PJGH.

Come, let me share something that I have shared with only so few people.


FIRST
Anybody who consistently reads the blog knows I've been going to SAGC on Saturdays for their Chinese Youth Ministry.


SECOND
I have been struggling to decide if I should stay in the ministry in SAGC and wear myself out traveling to SAGC on Saturday and to PJGH on Sunday, or commit myself fully to SAGC, or throw in the towel and sit in the pews like a pew-warming Christian in PJGH.


THIRD
And not many people know this: I was resentful about the role I felt I was coerced into taking up in PKV*. I was upset with Hannah for talking me into it (using what I'd shared in CG), angry at myself for not being firm, and bitterly resentful of PKV as a whole for making my SAGC-PJGH struggle even more complicated.


FOURTH
I felt like God abandoned me to deal with this mess I'd gotten myself into.

The SAGC Mess - Volunteering for a ministry without praying first, and being tempted by the fellowship I knew I'd get (I did get it. I enjoyed every moment there.), and now I didn't really want to let go for my own reasons;

The PJGH Mess - Stubbornly announcing to everyone that PJGH is the place for me, and now my ego played a huge part in making me stay. The other thing that played a part in me staying was the two jokers, and the fact that my intuition told me that leaving PJGH would be a big mistake, and I shouldn't even be considering it;

The PKV Mess - The time it was going to take up, and the fact that I wouldn't have the energy to deal with it full-heartedly because I had been so weak to be compelled into doing something I didn't really want to do.


FIFTH
I lost sight of God and who I was. I forgot about that post I wrote about not being defined by what I do. In stubborn rebellion, I stopped doing my Quiet Time, and stopped praying, at the same time recognizing the hypocrisy of deciding how to serve God, and running away from Him at the same time. Hence this post when I realized I was rebelling against Him.


SIXTH
PKV Camp came along. At one point, I wondered if Swee Kit had specially tailored everything for me, because it was like four days of conversing with someone about all the above. I made a decision on the final day of camp - I would stay in PJGH. I got over my resentment of God, Hannah, myself, and PKV. I decided that Swee Kit might have been right - I have only four years in Christian Fellowship, but I will serve the church for a lifetime after university. Maybe I was meant to just be a para-church servant and a faithful church-going member. I resigned myself to the possibility of a ministryless life in PJGH. Ministry or not, I am a Christian.


SEVENTH
A couple of days after the decision, Geng Yi told me that he'd volunteered me for the children's work in PJGH.



What was that I wrote again?

oh, He has plans. plans so important that He wants us to want them.

PJGH has become a decision I consciously made.
Maybe that was the plan all along.
I just wasn't ready for it.
Now I am.

But first, I shall confess.

Children and Tse Hwei don't go very well.

Tse Hwei usually falls sick after teaching children.

No way to go but forward.
Forward, Christian soldier!



i thank all who've been praying for and with me, those who have encouraged or at least tried to encouraged me, those who have listened, those who have tried to understand, and those who've made me welcome in SAGC, in PKV, and in PJGH. i value all the above that i've been through, good and bad alike, because regret was never part of His plan for our lives.

*PKV = Persaudaraan Kristian Varsiti

Ladies-in-Touch (L.I.T.)

So I thought,

“Hey, according to Corbett v. Corbett, I’m a biological woman – A woman of womans (‘women’ kinda potong stim). Therefore, I should attend a women’s meeting.”

“Having view to the essentially heterosexual character of the relationship called marriage, the criteria must, in my judgment, be biological, for even the most severe hormonal imbalance which can exists in a person with male chromosomes, male gonads, and male genitalia, cannot reproduce a person who is naturally capable of performing the essential role of a woman in marriage.”

One

"Next month, we'll be learning how to cook plum sauce spareribs, for those of you who love to cook."

*wince*

Two

"The month after that, we'll be learning the basics of healthy exercise, since we all know exercise is important in this time and age."

*wince*

Three

Swee Kit: "Doesn’t this remind you of Sunday School? =)"

Actually,

Daniel did most of my craft in Sunday School.

*wince*

Four – Proof of (3)

"No skills required, only an ability to paste."

I intelligently decided to modify my woman picture.

In the end it was so cacat that even my own picture was better.

Plus the front of the craft fell off (picture 1).

*wince*

Well.

Different people got different talents ok.

Bah!

Allah.

"I am not happy with the High Court's decision. Human beings are, at the end of the day, just human beings, no matter how fair you try to be, there is no way you can be 100 per cent impartial. And the judge who made the decision was not a Muslim, so I question the fairness in the decision," said the former Selangor Mentri Besar.

Shazwan Mustafa Kamal, "Khir Toyo Says in Mourning Over Allah Ruling", The Malaysian Insider, 2 January 2010.

it's hard to like people who say stupid things.
even harder to like people who use race in an argument when they have nothing better to say.

sheesh.

i'll just say it.

i don't like khir toyo very much.

(public: "oh, sorry, were we supposed to be surprised?")

admittedly, quite good-looking.
unfortunately, beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.
and the beholder says,
"yang inner beauty tu tak berapa good-looking."

relationship.

“relationship is about give and take -

the guy gives and the girl takes.”

-chelsea-

tocang terbalik!

catchy title! =P

watchnite service was different this year. i wrote about watchnite last year too. i realize i titled it, “my feet stink”. which has absolutely nothing to do with watchnite.

anyway. phye keat was the chairperson this time, and there was no powerpoint fireworks like uncle wee min’s. ahahaha.

i complained about not having a summary of the church’s year, right? they had it this time round. i counted the number of events i attended, and the total came up to about… two? don’t have to be a non-law student to get there in numbers.

shaw mei (i finally decided to call her that after a year) asked me to go for the family camp in 2009. i didn’t go cuz… i was in malacca. ya. feeble excuse. i shall try harder to go for 2010’s family camp. if they have one.

oh ya. as usual, they had this skit going on. and as usual, it was a very interesting concept. which i shall not elaborate on here cuz i mau tidur soon.

 jason (left) always plays that role in the skits. ahahaha.

the prayer was a major hyperbole,

but i guess there was also much truth in it.

 

watchnite message was alright. struck me that the speaker talked about devotion to prayer right after i decided to reactivate my prayer life during Quiet Time today. i mean yesterday. “dear God, i pray for everyone” and “dear God, i pray you’ll save everyone”. how often do we pray like that? if that’s called devotion to prayer, my socks can dance.

 

he also told a story of a guy who prayed the Lord’s Prayer every night till he got bored.

 

so one night, he typed the prayer out nicely and stuck it to his bedside. then he said, “dear Jesus, i’m gonna go to bed. please, read for Yourself.”

ROFL. got such people in the world. might as well ask Jesus ownself flip the Bible and read, no need to print. =.= (found in matthew 6:9-13)

there was also the story of a man with his tocang terbalik who has flying wheels on his feet. his name is mr opportunity and his nickname is mr time. when he flies by you at top speed, and you don’t grab his tocang, then you’ve missed mr opportunity.

…

i think the story would sound better in chinese.

on another note, i saw something interesting on msn:

i’m the author of my own life;

unfortunately, i’m writing in pen and can’t erase my mistakes.

 

switching back to the first note, phye keat had melissa read this poem (very well read. sort of understand how people can listen to a reading of shakespeare’s poems in their poetry club.) which moved him. after listening to it, i can see why.

 

I want to be a grace guerilla
no longer a chameleon of karma
the time has come to stand out from the crowd.
I want to give forgiveness a fighting chance of freeing me
I want to live in love
and live it out loud.

I want to drink deep of the foolishness of wisdom
instead of swallowing the wisdom of fools

I want to find a source in the deeper mines of meaning
to search out the unsearchable
to invoke the invisible
to choose the truth the TV hypnotists aren't screening.

No camouflage
no entourage
no smoothly fitting-in
I want a faith that goes further than face value
and a beauty that goes deeper than my skin.

I want to be untouched by my possessions
instead of being possessed by what I touch
to test the taste of having nothing to call mine
to hold consumption's cravings back

to be content with luck or lack
to live on water as well as on wine.

I want to spend myself on those I think might need me
not spend all I think I need on myself

I want my heart to be willing to make house calls.
Let those whose rope is at an end find in me a faithful friend
Let me be known as one who rebuilds broken walls.

No camouflage
no entourage
no smoothly fitting-in
I want a faith that goes further than face value
and a beauty that goes deeper than my skin.

I want to be centered outside the circle
to be chiseled by a different seam
I want to be seduced by another story
and drawn into a deeper dream
I want to be anchored in an undiscovered ocean
to revolve around an unfamiliar sun
a boom box tuned to an alternate station
a bullet fired from a different gun.

No camouflage
no entourage
no smoothly fitting-in
I want a faith that goes further than face value
and a beauty that goes deeper than my skin.

-Gerard Kelly, Humanifesto.

 

was, all in all, a good night, as expected. (for those who watched the skit, this would mean something. ahaha.)

juen sms-ed at 1.44am with a happy new year greeting cuz she missed ms. opportunity at church today. i miss being able to sms juen. ahaha. 

anyway.

i’ve got two watchnite services left in pj.

this is me trying to take a photo of desmond’s ‘beard’ and this is desmond evading my cameraphone with the very simple technique called “gerak kiri-kanan”.

i’m off to sleep. ta!