Sunday, 29 August 2010

the dot.

The week was great until the dot happened on a Saturday evening.

I would write more, but there is work to be done.

I know when I'm angry, and I know how angry I can be.

You know all this too. I need you to put that knowledge into action before I do something we both regret.

You know who you are.

Thursday, 26 August 2010

in case you missed this on facebook:

Guess what? I joined a pantun-writing competition in First College. Lousy pantun lah I wrote.

Tse Hwei
Ooooo let me try! Dayung sampan di Selat Melaka... Nelayan semua kacak-kacak belaka... then "merdeka!" for the last line, but I can't think of something for the third line.

Long story short, our end-product:

Dayung sampan di Selat Melaka,
Nelayan semua kacak-kacak belaka.

Ingin saya merompak mereka,
Untuk alih perhatian, saya melaung "Merdeka!"

- Amreeta Kaur Dhillon & Lim Tse Hwei -

You saw this first on Hwei's blog. =D 

Tse Hwei
It doesn't make sense. It's like, completely pembayang for all four lines.

Wednesday, 25 August 2010

louis sang:

"I'm not a boy, not yet a man."

Seriously. He did. Haha.

But that got me thinking as I drove home. 

I think it's easy to be a woman. 

It's easy to 'grow up' for those necessaries of life - the stress that needs to be handled, the youth in church who needs to be encouraged, the Bible Study that needs to be led, the concert that needs to be performed, the marketing call that needs to be made, the trip home that needs to be taken...

It's hard not to rush through childhood. 

Then suddenly, you realize you've rushed through it after all, and adulthood will last you a lifetime.

I remembered the time Seoks, Chiao Wern, Shae Lyn and I went on an all-girls outing and laughed the night away.

Then there was the time at PJGH's Young Adults CG when the girls went off to pray in that little room, and we giggled. I realized I hadn't giggled in a long time.

I was always Tse Hwei the pianist, Tse Hwei one of the youth leaders,  Tse Hwei the Christian, Tse Hwei the secretary, Tse Hwei the younger sister, Tse Hwei the older sister, Tse Hwei the lame, Tse Hwei the law student.

Somehow, I missed out on being Tse Hwei the girl.

The Rodents (Amreeta, Thulcy, Chelsea) and I are planning an all-rodents outing soon. 

I'm secretly (though now not secretly anymore la since it's written here) hoping to recover some of that lost girliness.

Tuesday, 24 August 2010

a head on a platter.

The king said to the girl, “Ask me for anything you want, and I’ll give it to you.”  

And he promised her with an oath, “Whatever you ask I will give you, up to half my kingdom.”

She went out and said to her mother, “What shall I ask for?”

“The head of John the Baptist,” she answered.

At once the girl hurried in to the king with the request: “I want you to give me right now the head of John the Baptist on a platter.”

The king was greatly distressed, but because of his oaths and his dinner guests, he did not want to refuse her.  
So he immediately sent an executioner with orders to bring John’s head. The man went, beheaded John in the prison, and brought back his head on a platter. He presented it to the girl, and she gave it to her mother.

- Mark 6:22-28

If my father gave me a wishlist, I know what would be at the top.

Also, "the girl"s mother left her father for the king. Cheap woman. Again, I say: CHEAP.

I'm sorry, I have no compassion for these people.

There's just no excuse for adultery. 

Thursday, 12 August 2010

third parties.

Reading Seoks' blog reminded me of a conversation I had with someone not too long ago.

Someone asked me: "I like this girl. She has a boyfriend already. But that's not fair, because I knew her first, since secondary school. I can still go after her right?"

Because all's fair in love and war.

He didn't say that, but I could almost hear him say it.

I got very angry. Not at him but at the thought he entertained, which is the same thought so many people entertain these days.

I think that it's CRAP to bring up how long you've known a person, RUBBISH to use it as an excuse to justify the very wrong act of going after someone already attached to someone else.

I replied, 

"If YOU fell in love and didn't do anything about it, no matter how long you've known the girl, it's YOUR loss to bear, not her boyfriend's. How would YOU feel if someone did that to you and said what you said?"

All's fair in love and war? This must be the stupidest phrase in the world.

I dare you to look at the casualties around you in war and say that phrase again. Would 'fair' even be in your vocabulary?

There are some thoughts that will make me go mad with anger, and this is one of them. 

Don't try your luck.

“i want to go back to the way things were.”


And someone replied,

“You won’t want to be where you were. You want to be stronger, because you extended and experienced grace.”

The past isn’t a burden. It’s a part of me.

Not so much me, but a shadow of who I am now.

It’s hard to look back, harder still to talk about some things.

Because I’m in the Moving On phase, and I want to keep it that way.

But like this picture suggests,

I suppose carrying the past is part of moving on.

Sunday, 8 August 2010

oh my.

"At best, we choose to be just only because the alternative is worse. If we could get away with injustice we would do so; what is to stop us, since it is bound to be preferable to be able to get what you want when you want it, regardless of consequences?"

- Peacock, A. Kent, "The Republic of Plato: Lectures", Spring 2005.

I found a friend in Plato.

He was as cynical as I am.

Maybe that's why I hate him so much. Hah.

(the Republic contained dialogues between Plato's teacher, Socrates, and other people, but I think my personal testimony, particularly this blog, will show me to be quite believable when I say that you really are what you note.)

Friday, 6 August 2010

the camp that was three weeks long.

Ok lah. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.

Just so you don’t get confused as you go along - the campers were divided into six chalets, each cared for by a pair of grandparents (either grandma-grandma or grandpa-grandma) and an aunt/uncle, and headed by a papa and mama. We had Grandma Eu Pui and Grandma Darshini in our chalet, but there was this one time we had Grandpa Michael too. For two days only la though.


CC 17 May 2010


The first night of camp, I saw this familiar shirt from far far away:

CC 10 May 2010



Then it rained the day we were supposed to have our first Games Day, so we played indoor games instead. My chalet (Chalet 8 a.k.a. The Lapanites) decided to play Pictionary.

CC 12 May 2010

CC 12 May 2010 (3) From left: Christina, Uncle Kenny, Grandma Eu Pui


My group won. Yay.

Also, me and my chalet-mates were supposed to tell everybody else in the chalet how we felt that everyday (for a week) through our mood forecasts on the wall. E.g.

CC 12 May 2010 (8)

(the purple thing on the left is a man in a coma with a tube running through his nose *bangga*)


Those who dubbed themselves ‘less artistically-inclined’ were more simple:

CC 12 May 2010 (10)


Others resorted to even simpler art:

CC 12 May 2010 (7)


Sometimes I received comments from others (like on Facebook):

CC 13 May 2010 (5)


On family matters, on the fourth day of camp, Uncle Kenny and one of the children (Choo Soon) tried to increase our daily allowance.

CC 13 May 2010 (4) From left: Uncle Kenny, Papa Derek, Choo Soon


Also, a baby was born into the family!

CC 13 May 2010


No la. That’s Grandpa David and Grandma Lian Chui’s son la.




See, we have four meals a day, right? (breakfast, lunch, dinner, supper) Lunch and dinner were provided, but there was always room to improvise for breakfast. Some days we had fried rice:

CC 14 May 2010


Some days we had only bread and ice:

CC 25 May 2010


No la. That’s soap from the soap-carving workshop.




Uncle Kenny made pancakes for us once. =D

CC 14 May 2010 (3)


Oh ya, we went for outings too. The first one was to the Boh Tea plantation, where I heard one of the lamest things ever:

A: “Eh, here don’t have tea wan noe.”

B: “Har? Cannot be leh.”

A: “Really la.”

B: “How you know?”

A: “’Boh’ tea mah.”

(‘boh’ =  hokkien for ‘tak ada’)


The second outing was to Tanah Rata, where Grandma Eu Pui sat on a random motorcycle like it was hers.

CC 19 May 2010 (3)


The third outing was also to Tanah Rata, but we were supposed to try to hitch a ride there this time. And we did! At least some of us la. I managed to hitch a ride in Grandma Darshini’s car, if that counts. =.=

Ya, since I didn’t take a picture of the scones we had, here’s a picture of Ed trying to ber-jiwang with his bottle.

CC 26 May 2010

(the bottle was my substitute cuz according to Uncle Kenny, I looked like a bunny in the picture. like, a bottle is more photogenic than me? hahhhh~)




The highlight of each week was really the Camp Special. Three weeks meant three Camp Specials. Here’s a Camp Special #2 moment:

CC 22 May 2010

(John, the undisputed winner of Mad Hair Night with the cleaning gloves and banana skin on his head, later accompanied by a plant with four leaves like Doraemon’s helicopter thing)


Other stuff we did during camp (besides exchanging lameness with fellow lamers) was to give people unsolvable riddles like this one:



You’re supposed to connect each element to each triangle, meaning every triangle must have all three elements. BUT the lines must not intersect, and you cannot, say, draw a line through A and B to get fire to C. It sounds simple, right. But it got these guys thinking for quite some time, and one even fell asleep with the riddle in one hand and a pencil in the other. Ladida~

CC 26 May 2010 (7)


Ok lah, there was one guy who didn’t bother la.

CC 26 May 2010 (8)

(John: “After Camp Cam, I’m gonna be a chemist anyway, so these things don’t bother me. Yay!”)


We also danced.

CC 25 May 2010 (4)


And Thurston drew strawberries on people’s car windows.

CC 29 May 2010


Yeah. I had a good time in Camp Cam. But you know what? Even though they made camp even more memorable for me, I can do without those things – pictionary, lamehood, skits, and fun, even.

Because what made Camp Cam worth it for me was confronting what was happening in my life back then. Back then and now, actually.

Week One of Camp Cam was the week I was challenged to redeem my relationship with God and myself. What was there to redeem? I would’ve asked myself that a month before Camp Cam. But Week One saw me asking God “Why?”

Why? Why? Why?

Today, Wilber said that humans were made to ask “Why?”

If that is true, Week One was the week I was fully human.

I said before that in camp, I learned to doubt, then truly believe. It sounds nice when I put it this way. But when one is in doubt, one doesn’t doubt nicely. Doubt wasn’t just ‘why’, it was more “I don’t believe You.”

This doubt carried on to Week Two, where we were told to try to redeem our relationships with our families. Doubt became Blame - “If You could, why didn’t You?” and “If You can, why don’t You?”

By then I had begun to find that I couldn’t worship anymore. I began to be cynical towards songs that said, “I will soar with You above the storm”.

No, I don’t. I don’t want to soar.

Songs that easily said, “I offer my life to You.”

Do these people understand what it means to offer their lives? Do they understand what ‘life’ is? If we knew what life could be, we would not offer it so readily.

Songs that declared that “Jesus, I believe in You.”

I’m not sure anymore.

Then came Chapel in the middle of Week Two. Grandpa David gave us each a piece of paper, where we were supposed to write our struggles, our hurts, our hates, secret sins – anything that was holding us back. Then, when we were ready, and if we wanted to, we could go up to where two pots were -

One, where we could tear up that piece of paper and throw the pieces of our hurts into,

Another, where we would then take a nail.

“You can hold on to your chains, or you can surrender them to Christ, who was crucified for you.”

It took me a while. Like, I even considered waiting till the next day. But in a God-given moment, I realized the chains were too heavy to bear, and I tore my piece of paper.

As I’ve often said since then,

He chose the nails,

and so did I.



We were told to name this God, as personal as He had become to each of us. The name wasn’t hard to discover. I didn’t have a cool Jewish name of some sort for Him, but since then, He has become The God of Freedom.

Shortly after, Blame became Belief, Belief became Trust, and Trust became Faith.

And I found my voice again.

So if anyone should wonder if they should go for Camp Cameron in 2012, don’t even think about it. I’ll sign you up for it and forge your signature.


Thursday, 5 August 2010


i'm not interested in what they're doing / gonna do.

i don't really care anymore.

Wednesday, 4 August 2010

introduction to international law.

"60 years is a long time for vindication, but the world changed while they waited, and that is the point."

You lost the battle, but the world won the war, and the lawyers call it justice.

What is justice?