stupidity in its full glory.

JULY 2008 . Stupidity Level #1 .

Former Vice Chancellor (Datuk Rafiah Salim):

All first and second-year students are prohibited from bringing their cars into campus. This is *proudly* in line with UM's vision of "cintailah alam sekitar".

Paraphrase:

Only outsiders are allowed to drive through UM so that the noble us can save them from getting caught in the Federal Highway jam. However, half of UM campus users must not drive to UM because only UM cars pollute.

13 JULY 2009 . Stupidity Level #2 .

Pejabat Keselamatan:
Bila sticker kereta keluar? Bulan Ogos kot. Tak tahulah. Bulan Ogos baru datang check!

Paraphrase:
August? I'm not too sure, but you can never be too sure. See, lady, try driving around with your stickerless car for about a month, and if you don't get caught, it's not August.


14 JULY 2009 . Stupidity Level #3 .

Office of the Vice Chancellor:

Dimaklumkan bahawa semua pelajar ASASI, TAHUN 1, TAHUN 2 dan TAHUN 3 adalah tidak dibenarkan membawa kereta ke dalam kampus Universiti Malaya berkuatkuasa mulai jam 6.00 pagi, Isnin, 20 Julai 2009. Walau bagaimanapun, pelajar dibenarkan membawa motorsikal ke dalam kampus.

Pelajar dikehendaki menggunakan perkhidmatan bas ulang-alik yang disediakan oleh Bahagian Hal Ehwal Pelajar sebagai pengangkutan dalam kampus.

Pelajar TAHUN EMPAT dan ke atas dikecualikan daripada larangan ini.

Sila dapatkan pelekat kenderaan anda dari Pejabat Keselamatan sebelum 20 Julai 2009.

Paraphrase:

We've decided that third-year students should also walk to campus everyday since only three-quarters of you third-year people stay outside in PJ or KL. It's not that far. We've also discovered that accident rates are much lesser in KL when it comes to using motorcycles, therefore we are encouraging all UM students to wieve in and out of traffic on those little scooter-cousins. If you don't have one, go get one! =D Oh, you only have a driving license? Too bad.

Oh wait. You walkers don't even have to walk all the way. You can walk from wherever you are (hey, it's only a 10-minute drive to campus from section 17 right? the walk can't be that much different.) and try to push past people to get onto a UM shuttle-bus. You know, if you happen to see one. Outside campus. At about the time you usually leave to go for lecture by car.

Final-year students are, of course, exempted because we don't want you cursing UM when you go out there into the working world. We still need young, naive people to come into UM thinking it's such a prestigious school and all, ya know?

And yeah, although the Pejabat says August, we say 20 July. So whether they've produced the stickers or not by then is really none of our business.

17 JULY 2009 . Stupidity Level #4 .

Pejabat Keselamatan:

Sukacita dimaklumkan bahawa Naib Canselor telah bersetuju memberi kelonggaran terhad kepada Pelajar ASASI, Pelajar Tahun 1, Tahun 2 dan Tahun 3 ijazah dasar (PELAJAR BERKENAAN) membawa kereta masuk ke dalam kampus Universiti Malaya tertakluk kepada aturan berikut:

(1) Pelajar Berkenaan hanya dibenarkan masuk melalui pintu masuk Damansara.
(2) Pelajar Berkenaan hanya dibenarkan meletak kereta di kawasan-kawasan berikut:

(a) Kawasan letak kereta di hadapan kolej 10.
(b) Kawasan Lapang di sekitar kompleks PALAPES.
(c) Sepanjang jalan (yang bertanda) di antara kolej 10 dan PALAPES.

Pelajar Berkenaan menggunakan ’shuttle bas’ yang disediakan oleh Universiti untuk bergerak ke kawasan lain dalam kampus Universiti.

Pelajar Berkenaan yang mengingkari peraturan di atas akan dikenakan tindakan berikut:
(1) Kereta dikunci (clamp).
(2) Denda RM100.00 bagi kesalahan pertama (termasuk wang cagaran). Wang cagaran RM50.00 akan dikembalikan apabila kereta dikeluarkan dari kawasan larangan.
(3) Denda RM150.00 bagi kesalahan kedua (termasuk wang cagaran) dan peningkatan denda RM50.00 bagi tiap kesalahan seterusnya.

Paraphrase:
Yup, your student council representatives have successfully conveyed about half of your wrath in the meeting a few minutes ago. So we've decided that out of respect for the residents in UM, we will kindly allow you to use the Damansara Entrance to get into UM. Oh, but then you'll have to you should drive all the way to Bangsar first. It's only convenient if you come from there. And yeah, nobody really uses this entrance ooo we wonder why. But. Limitations are limitations. We've got a model to follow. You know, limited freedom of speech and modified democracy and all? Yeah, the country's model is a must to follow. Therefore, you may drive your cars through the Damansara Entrance, but you must park at 10th College, that's No. 6 Red on the right-hand corner.



Oh, and once you're there, your car stays there. If you want to get to, say, the Faculty of Law (No. 18 Blue, bottom left), take our lovely Shuttle-Bus. Don't forget to pick up your car when you want to go home! =D

Lastly, do realize that we're not simply trying to make money off you. After all, one wonders why we don't prohibit Mercedes-Benzs from entering UM. It's only the little Peroduas that matter. Aww. And please don't complain if you receive your sum of expenses somewhere next month, and you realize you still have to pay for road construction works. It's better to give than to receive. *cheerful music*


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i have no doubt at all that UM will reach Stupidity Level #5 in the very near future. specifically when our student council reps again try to pressure them into feeling sane again. until then, chelsea and i have come up with several strategies to get ourselves into UM:

1. 1. seduce guard
2. 2. wear blazer to uni everyday
   
3. 3. pretend to be mak cik sending kids to uni and yell that i want to pergi beli sayur d
   
4. 4. chelsea: "tse hwei! can you drive a lorry?" "har." "we can drive the Atlas lorry and send chickens to the canteen mak cik in first college! *bangga*"
5. 5. cat my car red and pretend it's a taxi
6. 6. steal bar council emblem from one of the lawyers' cars in the faculty and stick on my car's number plate
7. 7. steal canteen mak cik's car sticker

read a more properly-drafted complaint here. =P