2 pages of my journal

I am hwei. Yeah. Close friends call me by just my last name. I have really messy writing. Can you tell? Like, duh. Oh yeah, I talk bimbotically too. Why're you reading this anyway? If you're reading this, it means I didn't hate my writing enough to tear it out of the book. Did I mention that I like books without those annoying horizontal lines? Oh, I didn't. It's ok. Now you know. With the dramatic tone and all that (like J.J. & Rudy).

Today is 11 January 2008 (Friday). It's currently 11pm++ or something of the sort. I jz got back fm Bible Study at 10.30pm or so. (why's the left margin way bigger + organized thn the right margin?). As of now, I am still holding fast to my ambition of being a lawyer (one I've held on to since 2005).

When I read this years later, will I still be standing my ground? Will I hv made it into UM/UKM? If I travel to July 2008 now and ask the future me what happened in March 2008 (results), will the future me smile or sigh? My future seems uncertain. The thought of holding that slip of paper with my results on it scares me. I didn't do well enough, says the skeptical perfectionist in me. I didn't work hard enough, says my realistic, practical self. I know God holds my morrows, and He holds them w/ the gentle hands that hold mine daily and dearly, the way He did when He first called me to Him. But still? Humans still stumble. Tho I know He'll pick me up, I still dread the fall. May this random musing touch your life, my friend. May you realize your higher purpose in life, and forsake the foolish, meaningless pursuit of an independent, God-free life. I am a sloth. I despise the idea of doing things w/o a reason. I believe I came into this world for a reason. I believe I leave it for a reason. I believe I wrote this and am writing still, for a reason. I believe in God, and I have a reason for it. I cannot prove God. Neither can I disprove Him. All that remains is a consciousness of a higher Being and a higher purpose than myself.

When I embraced the God that Melaka Gospel Chapel worships, He told me: "Hwei, I have a purpose for you." Not directly, as in an audible voice. But just as we were His reason to die, He became my reason to live. I will be a lawyer. I will become a defender of the poor and mistreated. For His sake! I know full well the degradation of justice in M'sia. Its shadow scarcely remains. But so long as the God of Justice prevails, so long as He lives, there is a chance to defend, a chance to uphold justice. And I know, my God lives forever. I found meaning in life when I found JEHOVAH. A meaning of life that I never found in my worldly pursuits - academic excellence, knowledge, perfection, friends, life of fame as a renowned pianist... Most of all, I found a Friend. One who is w/ me wherever I go.

John 15:13 - Greater love has no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

Always will be the verse that touches my heart at its core. The Lord bless you, reader + bookworm person. May your eyes stay fine after you read this messy excuse for a narration. Tho all around you who love you may die someday, there is One in you who never will, should you embrace Him.

Good day!

-hwei-

copied in exact words from pages 3&4 of my journal (after calendar).
written in the context of journal-burglars in mind:

"since they adi sinned, might as well let them reap some benefits from it."

hwei is weird. i know. a lot of people said so already, so...

"what's one - or two... or three... - more?"

keywords were highlighted in original version for easy reading.
i am so efficient. *bangga*