procrastination.

My pretty sister (pictures taken by Chen Li):

 

She claims that she’s not lame (unlike the rest of us).

Believable? Hm.
(also, see this blog post)

 

My brother who is admittedly quite handsome:

His most serious picture d. Taken by Han Sze.

 

To date, he has not refuted the designation of Lame King (read this blog post):

 This is arguably one of his more serious pictures.
Taken by Chen Li.

 

And my cute little brother:

His most serious photo, because he’s concentrating
on the laksa. Photo taken by Aaron See.  

 

He constantly calls me lame (pot calling kettle black):

Taken by Pei Ling.

 

 

So.

In this kind of environment,

how not to grow up lame la!

It’s their fault that I grew up this way.

Tsk!

law abiding citizen.

 

Finally got Chelsea to watch it. =P

I like this movie, despite the gruesomeness and the occasional swear-words, not because it’s about the law and I’m a law student, but because…

…It’s real.

Both their struggles were real - struggles I knew I would face if I chose to be a criminal lawyer. That’s why I said I won’t be one even before I got into law school.

And that’s another thing I like about the movie – that they struggled.

It’s not easy to admit you’re wrong when you’ve held for 10 years that you were right.

It’s not easy to hold on to a decision when everyone else thinks you’re wrong.

 

An exchange from the movie that struck me:

Nick
Do you think your wife and daughter would feel good about you killing in their name?

Silence.

Clyde
My wife and daughter can’t feel anything.
They’re dead.

 

And just one more, for the law student who may lose sight of her ideals one day:

Sarah
Would you do it the same way now? Would you still cut the deal for Darby?

Nick
This is the job, Sarah. We have to make choices.

Sarah
But did you make the right choice?

Nick
We made the right choice, alright?

Sarah
I don’t know.
I’m 35, Nick.
And there are things – there are possibilities that I’m not gonna have now.
And it’s okay. I know it’s part of the deal.
And don’t get me wrong. I love working for you.
But I just want to make sure I gave up those things for more than just a high conviction rate.

 

Justice.

What is justice?

I was thinking,

Maybe the reason why there is this huge area of study called Jurisprudence that tries to answer this question, is because

There is no justice.

That’s why we don’t know what it looks like.

Look around, at the selfishness,
the lies,
the greed,
the nitpicking,
the corruption,
the rationalizing of wrong.

If God would exercise the full measure of His sense of justice, the human race would have died off a long time ago.

Instead, one person took it all.

Justice?

Someone tried to show us what justice is, 2000 years ago.

And we killed Him. And then disbelieved Him. And now we say He probably didn’t exist.

Justice.

Hm.

(d)evolution of studying person.

*none of the photos are mine. and none of them are me. don't worry. i'm still 23!

new year's resolution.

law students don't make their new year's resolution on new year's day.

they make it on the last day of study week.

i will study earlier next year! gah!

=P

miss kathleen fong.

When Lareina spoke an ancient, familiar language today ("dominant", "sub-dominant"), it reminded me of the time I played the piano for a group of vocalists who were going to take their vocal exam. (sini!) I didn't manage to be their accompanist on the day of the exam because the date clashed with MGC's family camp, but it was through that experience of playing for people who were serious about music that I improved as a pianist. 

One thing that stayed with me was what Ms Fong asked the day she asked me if I could help (the practices were smack in the middle of exams, I think):

"Can you help? 

You're not the type who cannot do anything else during exams wan right?"

It stayed with me because it made the decision even more significant then if she'd just stopped at "Can you help?"  

If I recall correctly, my secondary school years were one of the worst in my life. Not just because I wasn't very socially accepted then, but also because I was so busy I didn't have time to breathe.

If asked the same question today, I would probably say the same thing. 

That kind of answer comes with a price. The past week has had me sleeping at 4am , 4am, 5am, 3am, 7am, 2am, and finally, 2.45am.

Why do I keep doing this to myself? 

I've asked this a million times. 

I suppose it's because I have come to realize that being someone who can't do anything else during exams also comes with a price. Everything that I am today would not have come to be if I'd started with telling Ms Fong that I really couldn't do anything else during exams. I can just imagine the string of 'no's' that would have followed that first 'no'.

No to helping with camp.
No to being at camp.
No to playing the piano for events.
No to helping with skits for events.
No to going to PKV.
No to going to Law CG.
No to being the background pianist for Easter.
No to celebrating birthdays.
No to being the Secretary.
No to staying back to help with the children.
No to being the President.
No to having a committee retreat during study break.
No to playing the piano on Sundays.
No to playing the piano for the choir.
No to having lunch with random people during study break.
No to helping with the youth on Saturdays.

Eventually,

No to going to church during exams.

I think the choices we make in life shape the persons we are. 

See, great excuse reason to be mad. 

=D


Not to say that I won't stay up studying and eventually go mad. I'm saying that that mad is a good kind of mad. I won't choose to go mad any other way. =D

i will not.

I will not pretend to know how you feel,
but I think I can find someone who does.
God bless you, friend.

in the midst of all this.

while we worry about what to wear,

what to eat,

what to say,

what to do,

what life even means...

another life has been taken away, 

another father lost.

it reminds me of that iguana i often talk about.

lifeless, i always say.

it just sits there, doing nothing.

to that iguana, that is life, someone said.

so silly, i replied.

that's not life, that's lifelessness.

is that what we look like to God?

lifeless?

just sitting there, doing nothing?

and thinking we're doing something with our lives,

when in trying to find life,

we neglected to live?

cherish your fathers, 

no matter how lousy you think they are.

you only have one.

i'm sorry for your loss.

my heart is with you.

be strong.

this paper.

Requires me to dig into Malaysia's history of clampdowns against bloggers.

I've uncovered quite a bit in the past weeks (some in the past year), things I, as a Malaysian, should have made the effort to know, but didn't.

I even came across a blog that had about three months' worth of posts, and he/she wrote something to this paraphrased effect:

I started this blog to write about my country.

But as I wrote, 

I have become more depressed at the state of my country.

So I shall now end the short life of this blog.

I thought it was funny at first.

But maybe I'm extra emo today. I feel like crying over everything. Following the events surrounding RPK's arrest, detention, and charges, and reading about the support the other bloggers readily gave him during this trying period, left me feeling like I missed a significant portion of my country's history. Me, a Malaysian, living right here in Malaysia, and letting everything pass me by like none of it concerned me.

Another blogger's profile description reads:

After doing the best I could ...

I would want my grandsons ...

to remember that their grandpa

tried his best

to make this a better world for them.

We can certainly achieve many things without passion.

But was anything great achieved without it?

But for one man's passion for his nation, would India be free today?

But for one man's passion for the chained, would African Americans be free today?

But for one man's passion for the lost, would we be free today?

Why do we sometimes go through life like nothing  matters?

this is late, but.

Selangor gets nod to campaign against ISA

(The Star, 2 April 2011)

So strange. So, so strange. Relevant bits and pieces from the article:

The Selangor government has passed a motion to campaign against the Internal Security Act (ISA).

This gives the state government the green light to set up a special secretariat to run anti-ISA campaigns, as well as an allocation to put up billboards with the theme “Save Malaysia: Abolish ISA”.

Sulaiman Abdul Razak (BN – Permatang) said the motion was politically motivated.

“Why do you want to use the people’s money for this? Not every citizen is against the ISA. If that was the case, the Federal Government would have abolished it a long time ago,” he said.

Sulaiman said instead of spending money putting up billboards, the state government could generate revenue by selling advertisement space on the billboards.

I'm sorry lah, but this is too lame. 

Not the motion to campaign, but you know, the other thing.

After reading this, do you feel like you understand why Jesus rebuked Judas for saying Mary, who honoured Jesus with expensive perfume, should have sold the perfume and given it to the poor?

Then Mary took about a pint of pure nard, an expensive perfume;

she poured it on Jesus' feet and wiped His feet with her hair.
But one of his disciples, Judas Iscariot, 

who was later to betray him, objected,

“Why wasn’t this perfume sold and the money given to the poor? 

It was worth a year’s wages.”

He did not say this because he cared about the poor 

but because he was a thief; 

as keeper of the money bag, 

he used to help himself to what was put into it.

“Leave her alone,” Jesus replied. 

“It was intended that she should save this perfume 

for the day of my burial. 

You will always have the poor among you,

 but you will not always have me.”

John 12:2-8

And, 

"Why do you want to use the people's money for this?"

Hello?

Aren't you from the party that wants to build a mega tower?

"eh"

Hwei

Help me look for the Law VOX Magazine and see if there's info on the number of arrests under the ISA!

Shaun

Oo just put 7, number of completion.

today i was reminded.

Of what Jubili said one CG ago, in his usual poetic manner:

When I got into UM, I thought I should do something for God.

But I didn't know what to do,

so I decided to be the picture of a Christian.

And I discovered that it was so hard!

It's so hard to not retaliate when someone says something mean to me.

It's so hard not to be angry when someone insults me.

It's so hard to be positive when everyone's stressed out.

It's so hard being alone.

One person can't save the world.

That's why I think it's important to be in a community of Christians.

At least, together,

we can feel like we're saving the world.

I went to the hospital today to visit that uncle whose eyes had seemed to beg us to go back today.

After seeing him, I went to visit another patient who's been there since the week before Chinese New Year. Before I could talk to her, the patient on the other bed pulled my arm and begged me to help her off the bed.

The nurse told me not to, so I stayed with her, not knowing what to do, 

listened to her, not understanding what she said, 

prayed for her, knowing she didn't understand the prayer.

I told her to get some sleep because she was tired, and then I left.

One person can't save the world.

Everytime I go there, I feel like something, someone, needs saving, but I don't know how to save anybody.

I'm just a law student struggling to complete a thesis.

I'm just a law student.

Just a law student.

I was reminded of the time Avni came with us, showing us that there is so much a medical student can do for Gerakan PPUM. 

Lydia and Li Jye came with us yesterday, showing us that there is so much Hokkien-proficient people can do for Gerakan PPUM.

I'm just a law student who can't speak Hokkien,

but together, if we all just used our strengths, 

together,

we can save the world.

Or at least, 

a ward of broken people.

it's not too much.

compared to what He did.

away with you, martha-ness!

whee~

"All bloggers are not in favour of national unity. Our country has been successful because we are very tolerant with each other, if not, there will be civil war, the Malays will kill the Chinese, the Chinese will take revenge and kill the Malays, and the Indians will kill everyone."

Er, no, I don't feel insulted. I think anybody reading this won't feel insulted. I feel like laughing, actually. And smacking my head against the wall at the same time.

With such a simplistic view of the Malaysian socio-political landscape, it's no wonder people say Malaysia is hopeless.

Oops, will I get caught for saying this?

I AM A HUGE FAN.

The movie better be as good as the trailer is, else I'll be a huge disappointed fan. Aha.

But truth be told, I only started joining the Thor fan club when I started watching The Avengers. And I actually haven't watched that many. Compared to The Justice League, that is. 

Am a huge fan of Thor because I find his use of the English language so amusing.

Like when his fellow Avengers were being beaten up by a horrible-looking mutated thing, he didn't say

"Fight someone your own size!" 

or

"Stay away from my friends!" 

or even

"You're gross!"

He said:

"FIGHT ME, MONSTER!"

But I suppose nothing beats the episode where this terrible woman (I'm a huge fan of Thor, not that lady k so I don't need to know her name bweh) told Thor to join her and her evil team of, well, evil people, and he hollered ---- not

"Never!" 

or

"Over my dead body!" 

or

"Away with you!"

but ---- 

"NAYYYY!"

Who says "nay" these days? (outside Parliamentary voting sessions, that is) Ahahahaha!

And upon closer scrutiny, I would say that Thor is the more gaya version of Hawkgirl, except she swings a mace strapped to her wrist and he swings a hammer and then throws it away:

And of course, he has the more awesome name. 

=P

hansard.

Academic Paper supervisor told me to check the Parliamentary debates for the context of Section 2 of the ISA, so I did.

I got so carried away I also combed through the reports for criticism on bloggers and 'unparliamentary' words. 

And I missed class.

But I'm happy about what I found anyway!

apa ni.

But this made me LIS. (laugh inside)

HAHA.

(inside)

(cuz I'm in the library!)

three days!

By vol25.

31 March 2011

Car (which was double-parked outside the doby) couldn't start up. Started up after three minutes.

1 April 2011

Car couldn't start up at all. PKV-ians tried jump-starting, cable spewed fumes instead. PKV-ian called mechanic cousin who sent a PJ mechanic along to deliver a battery. This was the day I discovered that the water I've been pouring never went into the battery but into the radiator coolant. LOL. My car's battery is the kind that's dry and 'easy to maintain', in Mark's words. Mechanic also told me my brake oil's (fluid) almost gone. Hah. I wanted to say this, but thankfully, I didn't --> "Oh. Got brake oil wan ah?" Even more thankful I didn't say --> "So much oil in the car wan."

2 April 2011

Sent the car to the workshop in Taman Megah. Got lost for an hour. The extent of my lostness can be summed up in this phrase: "4km to Sunway Lagoon Resort". And my brake fluid, which is supposed to be either green, yellow or red, has turned black. And oh, I discovered that there's such a thing as brake pads. 

One thing I discovered through all this is that I'm perfectly content to leave guys to what they do best. 

And the mechanics were very nice. They sent me home so I didn't have to wait at the workshop.

PKV-ians were very helpful too. I had no idea what they were doing, but I'm sure it was all very helpful.

On a gloomier note, I got angry at God while getting lost today. And then I told God I refused to say I was sorry. I regretted it awhile later and apologized. 

It's terrible. It's like those times I got angry at Mum and Dad and yelled at them. 

Guilt-triggering thought of the day was, 

He knew I would yell at Him today, 

and still He died thinking of me,

for me.

Unworthy.

Unworthy child.

Blessed are the poor in spirit,

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Matthew 5:3

Still unworthy,

but more grateful than before.

haha!

i have many names too.

• Ah Lui | Swee Fang *new* 
• Amoi | Julian
• Boss | George *new* 
• Bunny sister | Ping Ping *new* 
• Dear cousin | Chor Yeow
• El lame-o | Daryl
• Fellow loyar burok | Stanley
• Funny one | Janice
• Hainanese | Melanie
• Justice Tse Hwei | Mai
• Kak Mangkuk Hwei | Shu Lynn
• Lame Hwei | Melvin
• Lame jokes si fu | Chia Leng
• Lawyer-to-be, schemer of evil traps, YF co-teacher | Anderson
• Loyar | Calvin
• Manchester | Jason Chin Jennifer Jason Lim Juen Sher-How 
• Manchester Hwei | Liverpool
• Many many pattern punya senior | Hui Ru
• Milo ninja | Stephen
• Missy lawyer | Rebecca
• "My artist" | Cyrus 
• "One of the quirkiest persons I know" | Hannah
• Pianist | Camie
• Piano girl | David
• Synonym of lame jokes (paraphrased) | Xin Li
• The great city of Manchester | Eugene

Thanks for the wishes, people. And don't believe everything you read. Sometimes, don't believe anything you read.* Especially on Facebook.

*Source: Walski.