miss kathleen fong.

When Lareina spoke an ancient, familiar language today ("dominant", "sub-dominant"), it reminded me of the time I played the piano for a group of vocalists who were going to take their vocal exam. (sini!) I didn't manage to be their accompanist on the day of the exam because the date clashed with MGC's family camp, but it was through that experience of playing for people who were serious about music that I improved as a pianist. 

One thing that stayed with me was what Ms Fong asked the day she asked me if I could help (the practices were smack in the middle of exams, I think):

"Can you help? 

You're not the type who cannot do anything else during exams wan right?"

It stayed with me because it made the decision even more significant then if she'd just stopped at "Can you help?"  

If I recall correctly, my secondary school years were one of the worst in my life. Not just because I wasn't very socially accepted then, but also because I was so busy I didn't have time to breathe.

If asked the same question today, I would probably say the same thing. 

That kind of answer comes with a price. The past week has had me sleeping at 4am , 4am, 5am, 3am, 7am, 2am, and finally, 2.45am.

Why do I keep doing this to myself? 

I've asked this a million times. 

I suppose it's because I have come to realize that being someone who can't do anything else during exams also comes with a price. Everything that I am today would not have come to be if I'd started with telling Ms Fong that I really couldn't do anything else during exams. I can just imagine the string of 'no's' that would have followed that first 'no'.

No to helping with camp.
No to being at camp.
No to playing the piano for events.
No to helping with skits for events.
No to going to PKV.
No to going to Law CG.
No to being the background pianist for Easter.
No to celebrating birthdays.
No to being the Secretary.
No to staying back to help with the children.
No to being the President.
No to having a committee retreat during study break.
No to playing the piano on Sundays.
No to playing the piano for the choir.
No to having lunch with random people during study break.
No to helping with the youth on Saturdays.

Eventually,

No to going to church during exams.

I think the choices we make in life shape the persons we are. 

See, great excuse reason to be mad. 

=D


Not to say that I won't stay up studying and eventually go mad. I'm saying that that mad is a good kind of mad. I won't choose to go mad any other way. =D