dec31, 2010.

While people everywhere are thinking about starting afresh in 2011 etc etc, I am thinking a few quite potong stim things:

1. Present Jurisprudence-related article first day of school. (next week)
2. Present i-forgot-what-the-homework-was English homework second day of school. (next week)
3. Hand in Company Assignment first week of school. (next week)
4. Hand in Equity Assignment second week of school. (two weeks from now)
5. Hand in Academic Paper draft. (SOON or DIE)

With this one-year syllabus system in the Law Faculty, it's a bit hard to feel like I'm starting a new year.

But oh well,

I chose this life.

And it has become increasingly apparent...

that I always do.

So,

Hwei, you stupi foo!

(siblings and i theorized that people delete the last letter of insulting words to sound cool. so, dumb-dumb is still dum-dum. except you can sing it. i.e. dum dum dee dee.)


.

.

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(i think that coffee may have been a bit strong)


.

.

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(btw, kah wei said that kelantanese substitute "-an" with "-ay")

(so, satan is... SATAY!)


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.

.


(yup, coffee is bad.)

let's grow old together.

picture from chen li's blog that moved me.
you'll be surprised how many people can't grow old together.
growing old together.
it's not romantic.
it screams "commitment".
look at that person and see the white hair and wrinkles that will surely come.
see the smile and know that one day you'll see more frowns.
growing old is inevitable.
but growing old with someone is a gift.
because you were given the ability to bear another for a lifetime.
and to deny your desire for a younger, prettier/more charming thing.

i wonder,

if people thought more about the inevitable future
before they got into relationships,
would there be less unfaithfulness,
less anger,
less bitterness,
less "irreconcilable differences"?

or were man-made things simply never made to last?

but marriages were not man-made.

perhaps, then, there is hope.



[people say Melancholies have dramatic mood-swings. i think it's true.]

the full moon.

People always say that people behave oddly during the full moon. Because of some scientific thing which I wouldn't bother to pretend to understand.

I don't believe in astrology. In fact, I would go so far as to say that astrology is simply that - ASTRO-logy. Fiction.

But yesterday!

There was a full moon!

And... and...

No la, just thought this picture looked cool.

What happened was the moon... the moon...

No la, the moon was as grey as ever.

What happened was...

Sis got a brilliant idea that made me more happy than I've ever been in the past few days.

This may just be the solution to that thing that's been bugging me.

Hee!

hazel:

"Oh! and since I'm HazelNut, 
and Hwei is tauhuHwei, 
 you, Sam, shall be  
SamBal. 
Like it? Hahaha."

sam: "do i really want to do this? :S"

-shortly after a very lame joke-

Sam
Whyyyyyyyyyyyyy :O

Hwei

So you can bang your head against the wall. Haha! XD

Sam
Arghhhhh.....so.l.a.m.e......mu.st..reach...sanity... 

Hwei

Fighting a losing battle. =P

Sam
Yes. Words escape me at this point. Partially because in one sentence u probably decimated a sizable portion of my grey matter.

Hwei

Oh no... did you need any of that decimated grey matter for work? =P

Sam
No, fortunately.

Hwei

Oh, you use so little of your brain for work wan ah?

Sam
Pretty much, yup.


note

sam's scientific description of how - i think - desmond would respond to the same lame joke:

the frequency of my head gravitating toward a horizontal surface has exponentially declined as experiments indicated that the cause of the aforementioned phenomena was due to the close proximity of my head to a certain breed of creature commonly classified as tsehweus annoyimus.

i hate.

being sarcastic.

it hurts people more than direct insults.

but i can feel myself going into Sarcasm Mode this week.

i'm tired. but not too tired not to make a list of things i'm tired of:

• i'm tired of reading cases and journals;
• i'm tired of staring at the screen almost eight hours a day;
• i'm tired of leaving a half hour earlier because two places are so far apart'
• i'm tired of saying "assignments" and "project paper", especially when they're in the same sentence;
• i'm tired of waiting for replies to my emails;
• i'm tired of praying for the same things everyday;
• i'm tired of wincing at christmas practice;
• i'm tired of watching that round thing go in a circle SLOWLY on Mozilla tabs.

keletihan.

i usually respond with sarcasm.

i always thought i liked routine.

=(

p/s: i attempted to break the dullness of routine by reading my journals. i found a recurring theme in 2009 - "promise". a recurring phrase: "you promised". recurring word of 2010 may just be "gah".

"i need a distraction"

when a girl says that to everybody, she really only means she needs that one person to talk to her.

what i'm reading these days.

"The interrogators would appear to be possessed by the devil. When they interrogated me, their lips, hands and fingers would quiver. At times like this, I was frightened as I felt I was in the hands of people who had lost their reason."

-- Abdul Rahman Hamzah, arrested on 20 Sept 1988.


"With the rest of the world who stand for peace and justice, we deplore what happened on September 11. But in doing so, let us not forget that the rest of the world stood with us in deploring the use of the ISA ... long before September 11."

-- P. Ramakrishnan.


note: not leisure reading ok. 
spirit and flesh are both tired. 
the beauty of words preserves my sanity.

reputation and defamation.

"Mine honour is my life, both grow in one,
Take honour from me and my life is done."

- Shakespeare, quoted in Anwar v. NST (2010).


Wah, a poetic judge.


"Dishonour or loss of face
is an absolute fall from grace."

- Per Harmindar JC in Anwar v. NST (2010).


See see see see see!

(and this is just the first page of the 28-page case)

gah.

i want to be very strict, but i don't want to suffocate people.
i want to be very sarcastic, but i swore off sarcasm at 18.
i want to make that call, but i know i shouldn't.
i want to work, but this is not a job.

am i denying myself everyday or what.

being this is tough.

where is the help they promised?

maybe cynical me was right when cynical me was cynical.

i'm a musical person, right?

"Doe, a deer I shot last year,
Ray, the guy who pumps my gas..."

- Jeff Foxworthy, Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader?


Yup. So is he.

Anyway.

In the midst of recovering from two ulcers - the second of which resulted from chomping on my lip while having a 4.15pm lunch in the car on the highway - and spilling my brain over two assignments and a thesis (aih), and fighting the urge not to retype the Christmas script, I find myself waking up every morning telling myself to forgive.

It's hard. It's hard to forgive.

But it's harder to pray a prayer that begins like this:

"Father, it's so hard to forgive them. I try everyday, but I can't. How can they do this to me? How can anyone do this to anyone?"

And ends like this:

"Did I ever do such a thing to anybody? Please forgive me if I have."

I realized the hypocrisy and double standard a Friday ago. 

So this is what Jesus meant:

"Forgive us our debts, 

as we also have forgiven our debtors."

and 

"For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, 

your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  

But if you do not forgive others their sins, 

your Father will not forgive your sins."

Matthew 6: 12, 14-15

It's not that God won't forgive. It's just that you will never feel forgiven.

"You know you can help people.

But Daisy's not people.

She's the person you love, 

the person you have to trust."

- Cam, Bones

Life would be so much simpler if I didn't have emotional attachments.

But I guess if that were so, I won't be able to play the piano.

So.

Give me the leash, Emotions.

I'll do the dragging now.

may 3, 2010, 10.54pm.

this appeared on my facebook sidebar.

on raymond.

i keep this because it reminds me that facebook is just a network.
it is a thing.

i keep this because it reminds me that facebook is not my life.

because it isn't real.

because it doesn't remember raymond.

because it thinks it knows raymond, when it doesn't.

it doesn't know raymond.

on may 3, 2010, at 10.54pm,

i reminded myself that i mustn't get angry at facebook.
because facebook isn't real.
facebook is a thing.

i hope everybody remembers that too.

life is out there, where your friends and family are.
where pain and hurt are,
where joy and happiness are.

the real world is something you can't control.
but it's real.

and this is where truth can be sought and found.

don't make facebook your life.


because real life doesn't stop just because you did.

don't stop living, on account of facebook.

because you don't want to be left behind.

and oh.

I didn't put this in at first cuz I thought the words kinda tak berkaitan with him. But sis said:

"That is so Shaun wat. Random."

So oklah.

Plus football is kinda a huge part of his life. =.= (see how obsessed you are, shaun =P)

"Opportunist". Now that's a good one. =P

Also, after my latest blog post, my word cloud looks nicer now, so I'll put it up.

I like how names appear in my word cloud. ^_^

wordle.

Mark did this using Wordle:

It's this thing that analyzes a text, then generates a word cloud, with the words appearing more frequently generated larger than the rest. I got so fascinated by it I started experimenting with other blogs.

Chen Li (Blogger).

Ben.

George.

Mark Leong.

Adrian Mau.

Kaun.

Kaun 2. Because this reminds me of Fragments. =D

Sarah.

JY.

Seoks.

Sis. Wah Jie, who's Elizabeth?

MGC.

And some random blog.

So fascinating right. Or maybe I really am easily entertained.

Neh.

It's fascinating la!

why la.

why is it so hard to find a lineless journal?

i need to write!


shaun: "nah, you can use mine. i tear a few pages for you."

i keep forgetting my lunch.

italian.

what is life,
if i only do things people tell me to do?

- scribbled on the back of a certain law firm's info sheet =P


wanted to write this for the essay.
unfortunately i didn't know how to translate this.
and i didn't trust google translate enough.

tiara.

chelsea, kock sin and jason left for that study trip to thailand.

zhen qi went to be an usher for the IHL Moot competition.

ah will went home to sabah on monday.

the house is quiet.

it's a bit lonesome,

but i kinda like it this way.

i haven't been still for awhile now.

italian paper later at 3pm.

after that, i'll be free like a bird! wheeeee!

no la,

work has only just begun.

but work is good.

i like work.

wheeeee! =D

today i saw.

went through some photos on facebook of someone i haven't seen in a long time.

there was one of her and her son after his baptism.

and she was so proud of him.

there was another of her taking a photo of him during his baptism.

and she was so proud of him.

still there was another of her taking a photo with him after his baptism.

and she was so proud of him.

i smiled, thinking, this is how things should be.

then i looked again.

and i could find none of the father.

i know enough to know why the father is never in the photos.

and i thought,

isn't that sad.
this isn't how things should be.
but this is almost always how things are.
in most families.
in most lives.


something i also learned through the various sharings in camp cameron.


isn't it sad, how things are not the way they should be?

living in a fallen world,

i know there will be more to come
of things that aren't the way they should be,
of things that are never what they should be.

but again,

this is my Father's world.

Father,
seeing all this,
Your pain must be greater.

but i still like.

 

this representation of forgiveness.

to refrain from judging.

to understand that you too, have once done wrong.

to let go.

but sometimes.

that rock in your hand is not your own.

what then, should you do?

if things could be simpler,
maybe i could be happier.

but He would beg to differ, i guess.

sunday.

+ Forgiveness is not keeping count. (Matthew 18:21-22)

“We forgive, we mortify our resentment; a week later some chain of thought carries us back to the original offence and we discover the old resentment blazing away as if nothing had been done about it at all.  We need to forgive our brother seventy times seven not only for 490 offences but for one offence.”

–C. S. Lewis.

+ Forgiveness is not forgetting. (Matthew 18:22)

The verse people always use to justify the saying “forgive and forget” – Hebrews 10:17:

“Their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more.”

I.e. If even God forgets our sins, we should do the same for others who’ve wronged us.

But is this consistent with God’s omniscient, all-knowing nature? How can a God who knows everything forget something?

No, God doesn’t forget. But when He forgives, He promises not to hold our past against us.

Isn’t that forgiveness?

“You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well.”

- Lewis Smede.

If unforgiveness is like saying you’d hold your breath until the other person apologizes,

“Forgiveness is to set a prisoner free, and to realize the prisoner was you.”

- Corrie ten Boom.





As to why we should forgive?

Bear with each other and forgive one another

if any of you has a grievance against someone.

Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

Colossians 3:13

P/S:

Opening question: “OK, you guys know similes, right? Let’s try this one – ‘As innocent as…?’”

Someone: “A lawyer.”

I laughed at that. What does that mean? ^_^”

yay i get a walkie-talkie.

day one of volunteer work.

• Got lost trying to find PJLA. (what’s new?)
• Got there on time though. (what’s new? =P)
• I was right – the other two volunteers were guys. (so clever)
• Went downstairs to get something, and listened to a group of carolers. I miss caroling. (though I never caroled much – was mostly on the piano)
• The youngest member of the group hopped up to me and gave me a candy cane. Which I broke. (sorry!)
• The job wasn’t as challenging as I’d thought. (bummer)
• I watched bits and pieces of the musical. (loved the bits and pieces!)
• Colin Kirton thanked the volunteers and told us to get more Ribena for ourselves, and I replied, “Oh, done.” And he looked at me, speechless.

Yup, that’s me. Your beloved budding lawyer who will probably turn up at the wrong court for the wrong case, be the first lawyer to say “Maaf, Yang Arif, saya sesat tadi”, the first to make a judge speechless, (after which I’d probably be dragged out of court), and who will probably still volunteer to work for musicals she can’t afford.

Candy cane picture!

Also, Ben came up with an original, which Amreeta and I helped to draft:

What does a lawyer call a public missionary in BM?

christmas.

the season of love and gifts?

chelsea told me that christmas has become a commercial festival - nothing personal, just business.

single people who have nothing to do on christmas eve cry "desperate!"

single people who have things to do mostly go partying, (ironically) wear devil headbands, and spray each other with foam. 

couples buy each other gifts like it's their anniversary.

families prepare great feasts like it's a celebration of their birth.

let me tell you a story John Timmer told me of a strange land. 

This is a place where people do everything the opposite way. 

Here, people first are old, then grow young. 

Here, people first exhale before they inhale.

Here, children go to school at night and sleep during the day.

Here, people walk backward.

One day, it was Tom's birthday. He invited all his friends to his birthday party. They all brought presents. But because they lived in this strange land, they didn't give Tom these presents, but exchanged presents with each other. 

Everybody got a present, everybody except Tom. 

He didn't get any.

This made Tom mad, real mad, so mad that he climbed on top of the piano and shouted, "QUIET EVERYBODY!" And when everybody was quiet, Tom said, 

"You've all come to my birthday party. You've all brought a present. You've all received a present. I'm the only one who hasn't received a present. Whose birthday is it anyway? Yours or mine?"

and john timmer said:

"that sounds a lot like the way most people celebrate Jesus' birthday, doesn't it? at christmas, these people exchange presents with each other. but what about Jesus? what present does He get? whose birthday is it anyway?"

whose birthday is it anyway?

nscfl 2010 - day 3.

[All camp photos by Kenny Chong]

Restaurant City - This was the day that felt like a mini Law Orientation.

looking as if he was born to be royalty. -_-

 

took a riot to get daniel out of his room. =P

Difference #1: Some of the campers seemed to enjoy it.

There were a few attempts at stand-up comedy, which... well, just note the look on my face la.

from left: keng lik, me, peh lan, suzen, rachel.

from left: chang ling, jy, marianne, jen, lisanne, cindy.

 

If it wasn't for the total lack of mayonnaise (which was not the campers' fault), they would've made an officer very happy that day. [Footnote to evaluation form - officers to bring a jar of mayonnaise each the next camp]

Difference #2: The officers returned the favour after the event. The first favour the campers got was a warm welcome back into the hall.

The second would come on the last night of camp. =) And no, it wasn't like the Law Fac's Royal Simbah at all. Aha.

I personally thought it was funny how everyone moved on with their lives after Restaurant City, as if the event never happened.

Jason took the boys for their BGR session.

 

Marianne took the girls.

Marianne handled the session in a way I've never heard before (and I am a HUGE fan of BGR sessions =P). I won't blog the five pages of notes I wrote for this session - just this:

Our understanding of love should be shaped

by our relationship with God,

based on our understanding of His Word

and of the Gospel.

 

Godly sort of love can't be conjured up by ourselves.

God provides us with the power to love in a godly way.

Godly love should be other-person-centred, not self-centred.

Love isn't just something we get, it's also something we give.

Smarter love is aimed at being blameless and pure.

Seek someone who can lead you towards this kind of love.

And in return, 

Lead him also to holiness.

And,

Besides the usual "does he like me?",

the big question to ask before entering into a relationship,

is,

“Can I see myself married to this man?”

Difference #3: The reason for Restaurant City was explained, that is, to show them what true service is – being the servant of all, and to show them that everyone is wired differently. Service is to serve where you are needed most and where you can give your best. Some were the heads of the crew; others worked with their hands; and still others, gave their hearts for the crew.

Also, the officers apologized for if we offended anyone. (I think this might be one of the biggest differences. Haha.)

As for Roshan’s session – live your life in such a way that at the end of it, you will be able to say:

“Lord, I gave You my life.

I fully trusted You.

I fought the good fight.

Now,

take me home.”

i'm working tomorrow.

I took Stephen's brilliant idea seriously and signed up as a volunteer for the musical.

When I asked the PIC to briefly outline a volunteer's job scope, she gave me a not-so-brief list of duties that went two pages long when I copy-pasted it into Microsoft Word.

My reply:

Wow, this is serious work. 

I'm in! =D

What's wrong with me, you think?

I really want to go to that musical, that's what. (unfortunately, i'm also a young, full-time student)

I've got to commit to at least three shows, so I'll be running around the 8.30pm shows tomorrow, Tuesday, and Wednesday.

My genius plan:

1. Night #1: Watch the first act and miss the middle and last act.
2. Night #2: Watch the middle act and miss the first and last act.
3. Night #3: Watch the last act and miss the first and second act.

Then at the end of Night #3, I shall piece everything together and go, "OHHHHHHHHH so that's what it was about!"

Smart or not?

I amaze myself sometimes.

from jun ling's blog.

haha.

nscfl camp 2010 - day 2.

Morning

-picture by Kenny Chong-

 daniel busting his YSCF move. (was so lame haha!)

During his sessions, Daniel said something that made me think of my Constitutional Law lectures on freedom of religion in Malaysia. In an attempt to list provisions in the Constitution that have to do with fundamental liberties, I realized that I wasn't sure which article provided for freedom of religion. At that moment, I wished I had the Federal Constitution (FC) with me ('twas in my bag). 

I also thought:

I carry the FC around because people expect me, a law student to know it through and through. 

What about carrying the Bible around?

Why are law students ashamed when they don't know the FC the way they should? 

Because if they don't know the FC, they're lousy law students. 

Why aren't Christians ashamed when we don't know the Bible the way we should?

If we don't know the Bible, or at least try to, what kind of Christians does that make us?

Multimedia Talk

Rudi told this story:

Two young girls went to their Dad and asked him if they could watch a movie that contained just a bit of sexual elements and a bit of violence. They said they'd close their eyes and turn away and begged him to let them watch the movie. Dad told them to come back in an hour.

When they came back, he gave them a cookie each, fresh out of the oven. He said that if they'd eat the cookie, he'd let them watch the movie.

"Oh, but wait - I've gotta tell you that the cookies are mostly butter, flour, milk, eggs, and chocolate. But I added just a bit of dog poop when I baked them. But it's just a bit of dog poop. You won't even taste it."

And... guess if the girls ate the cookies. ^_^

I thought that was a timely reminder for myself - that we should never compromise on certain things, because compromise leads to more compromise, and in the end, we forget where we first started off.

Afternoon

Rachel and I were in charge of Station 5 - Numbers.

 -picture by Kenny Chong-

I felt the competitiveness in the air as the groups strategized and planned their next move for each round.

Here's what the game looks like:

 -picture by Kenny Chong-

Yup. =P

Night

"God doesn't want to be Number One in your life. He wants to be everything in your life." -Roshan-

Because being Number One can mean my life has 70% of God in it.

Being a perfectionist and die-hard worker, I don't think He's being unreasonable at all.

When you give your 100% for something, you often feel like dying, but you also know that you're living the way you were made to live. That's why you feel alive when you give your best.

Because then, you are at your best.

=)