sweetness.

auntie judy called and asked to see me today so she could give me my long-awaited toner. as usual, i sat in the passenger seat, and played with my nails as i waited for the pin-drop silence that always followed her facial care commentary. i was about to tap a tune on my thumbnail when she said, "And I have something for you" in that Mary Poppins way.

honestly, i squealed more at the box more than at the cookies.

that was so sweet. T_T

i don't really know auntie judy that well. the only times we meet are when she does stuff to my face and when she gives me stuff for my face. the last time i met her, i felt really, really uncomfortable. there was obviously something on her mind, because she grumbled about things too openly, and didn't hurry me back to my room. and she started talking about how time flies, and everyone is all grown up, and how adults' skin are so dry and how young kiddos like us should take care of our skin but we don't and then we start to regret when our skin is all dry like theirs.

i'm a melancholic. i'm supposed to know when people are feeling melancholic. because then they're just like me. sometimes my intuition takes the day off, and i don't realize such things about people. then i feel bad and i - ah - blog about it. but that one time, i felt it, and i chose to ignore it. i didn't want to know what was bothering her, because then i'd have had to show concern; be a comforting, sympathetic person. i wasn't sure i could do that. so i let her drown in her thoughts. drown until she decided she didn't want to take up anymore of my time.

why am i so afraid to be kind? sympathetic? compassionate? just... something other?

sometimes it doesn't take much. it just takes a simple question.

why is that your favourite song?
why haven't you been going to church?
what emotional problem is that?


too simple, we think. we think we know the answers.

nice tune la, dei.
lazy @ i'm backsliding @ hehehe @ sheepish grin.
bgr @ studies.

i recently had the chance to think again. by reading blogs and talking to people, i discovered more complicated answers to those questions. i've read more blogs than i can count, where bloggers write about how they're not what they seem, and 'you will never really know me' material. how can we think such things about ourselves, yet expect other people to be what they seem?

i thought i knew people. so i refrained from asking 'cliche' questions. i thought that song was just another one of those songs, that sigh just one of those sighs.

and then my friend told me what her emotional problem was. "actually my father just passed away," she said with a smile.

people don't just blurt stuff like that. they say such things when they need to tell someone. and two weeks ago, she picked me to be that someone. and what a terrific job i did playing that part.

how then can i know? when is that smile really just that smile? when is there a broken heart behind that song?

ah. human ignorance.

the question is never when. never how. never why.

that's the beauty of human nature -
deep down, we want to care.
we want to care.
but somehow, when it comes to action,
we always fall short of our heart's desire.

- PKVUM Easter Drama: Fragments -

it is always,

will you?