More Than Words

I was reading through the sms-es I never deleted, and I came across some that were quite heart-rending to the people who sms-ed them to me (and to myself too).

I'm not exactly a passive user of the SMS, and everyone who knows me enough knows that it always seems like I have this mini book I carry along with me to refer to whenever someone needs to hear something from that book.

And being the systematic person I am, the book's probably properly indexed and categorized. E.g. What To Do When Someone Is... Alone, Bossed-Around, Crappy, Depressed, Emotional...

"This happens because..."

"No, don't think that way. You are..."

"This is what you should do..."

"These things happen."

"If there's nothing you can change about this, the only thing you can do now, is to change what you can."


Words like that.

Soothing and romantic when drafting a novel / inspirational book / giving a sermon.

-_-

But when it comes down to really comforting a friend in need, words like that don't do much.

I remember I was once so discouraged over what I saw as my failure as a group leader in one of our youth camps. Sis and Lin were trying their best to comfort me (and probably stop me from crying - yes, I cried a lot... till I realized the tears were making my eyes smaller). They said things that I can't really remember, but which I know were the sort of things I - and everyone else - would tell someone in my situation.

Eh I'm not saying that just to like fit in with the overall theme I'm trying to blog k.

I'm saying that because I remember too well that a year ago, I'd given Sin Yee exactly the same advice and encouragement when she was in exactly the same situation.

None of that advice seemed to be working at that point.

Big surprise.

And I cut both of them short with a really hurtful phrase: "I've heard all this before!"

Through my tears, I saw them look at each other with that look. That helpless, what-shall-we-do-now? look.

I'm just making a supposition, but I'm guessing I would've calmed down if one of them had come over and put an arm around me quietly.

It worked pretty well when Lin did that to me when I was crying over something else anyway.


Try to recall a specific time you were broken-hearted, depressed, hurt, frustrated, or disappointed.

Try to recall your close friends or family members trying to comfort you with words.

Then try to remember that none of it worked. No matter how practical. No matter how logical.


I copied some sms-es from a particular person into my journal, and this is what I wrote below them:

What do you do when you receive sms-es like these?

If he'd told me in person, I could sooth his emo-ness with a touch on the shoulder, or a look in my eyes.

But he didn't. So all I had to offer were words.

It's so easy to sing "More Than Words" and feel convicted about the truth in it.

But has anyone ever wondered what to do with... Just Words?