a slightly special weekend.

1. Finished the Vox poster in one night and printed it the next day. *triumphant*

2. Didn't get lost to Calvin's place in Bandar Utama. *triumphant*

3. Didn't get lost to SAGC. *triumphant*

4. Attended a birthday party which I thought was a... k, Calvin said shouldn't tell everyone. *zip*

5. Spent a night in Ian and Elaine's house, where I stood stunned for a moment at the sheer beauty of the house. I'm a great fan of strategically-placed decorative objects. It's like a jigsaw puzzle. Not rigid; just meant to be. The place was so clean. So clean. So clean that the fridge was also so clean. Whether you got that or not, put that aside, and remember that the place really was clean.

6. Played the piano in SAGC on Sunday, where, as always, Chee Kean had to pluck a huge chunk off the communion bread for me.

7. Found Gary on the chair next to the one i put my bag on before worship. Awesomeness.

8. I know I miss Malacca when I see a Malaccan car and squeal.

9. Had lunch with Chee Kean, David (Khoo! *faint*), Elena, Eve & her darling (word of the day. long story.), Gary, Kak Su, Kelly, and Wilson.

kak su and the kid that looks like elaine.

10. Found a blog of an old school mate (primary). She wrote:

aku tetap sama
malas nak buat homework
kat sekolah baru nak tiru budak sebelahnya (name dia lim tse hwei)
dia baik
selalu aku sampai je kelas dia da siap letak buku dia atas meja aku bagi tiru
aku tak tahu la niat dia memang ikhlas ataupun dia perli je
tapi aku peduli apa kan
kat kelas duduk 3 orang satu baris
aku tepi
tengah lim tse hwei
tepi lagi satu doreen
tu la budak yang duduk sebaris dengan aku.

I'm... not sure how I should feel about that. Ahaha. It strikes me that she wrote about Doreen as 'Doreen', but called me by my full name. People were watching and wondering from moments when we thought we couldn't remember much of anything? Hm. People remember me. Do I remember them? Sad it is, when we don't remember the impact we make on people. Sadder still when we don't remember who we made an impact on. Fortunately, I so remember her: Syadatul Adawiya. A name too special to forget. Ah. Now I see why she remembers my name. *bangga*

___

Topic for CYD was How Not To Be A Big Mouth. In our groups, Hui Min asked if we kept journals. I didn't answer, but I guess most people know that I journal. I don't go anywhere without my journal.

Once, I was journaling about unresolved conflicts, observations about people, resentments etc. I randomly remembered a Nancy Drew story I read once, about how they tried to help a girl regain her memory by reading her journal. I remember thinking, "Wah, her diary got no secrets wan ar? Can just let anybody read wan."

That set me thinking. What if I lose my memory? I'd want to be able to discover all - or at least a lot - about myself by reading my journal. But to write everything would be plain ridiculous. I looked at what I'd written and wondered which memories I should retain.

I read about the distrust I had in some people, the disappointments, the anger, the rantings. These things are important, aren't they? I need to know what people are like, so that I won't...

So that I won't...

...won't...

...what?

So that I won't trust them again? So I'd remember they're horrid people?

There were so many other things I hadn't written about, things that had been supressed in my heart. Good things, bad things.

If I wrote all about the bad things, where would I write all the good stuff?

What about how Jie randomly bought me the butterfly that sits on my dashboard?


The measurement of lameness in MGC called Shaun? The little brother I watch the Suite Life of Zack and Cody with? Dad's birthday? Mum's anniversary? How Popo loves ice-cream?

or how much i love cake! how can!
maybe if i lost my memory, i'll start to like veggies.
EYER!

How Chor Hui Kor Kor couldn't find a better name for his dog than Doggy?

this is the other uncreatively named dog:
Picky.

when housies and i played cluedo.
oh ya, i'd forget that i won the game also.
*bangga sekejap*

What about the good times I had with the people I resent? There is good in them. Except perhaps the bad side of them makes a greater impression on me than the good. If I spoke ill of them all the time, the memoryless me would never think that way. Memoryless me would never give them a chance.

What about my faith?

What if I don't know if I'm a Christian or a Buddhist, or... something else?

What if I don't know what a church is?

What if I look through my Bible but can't find the book of Luke? Or don't know that it exists?

What if I forget about my relationship with God?

What if I forget the people I care about and why I care so much about them?



and feelings. i never want to forget them.

But even if I don't lose my memory,

Is it so important that I remember the bad things?

What do I want? To love people, or to be careful around them all my life?

So yeah. There was that moment when I suddenly fell silent during CYD. It's because those thoughts were running through my mind.

On another note.

I wish I could forget the mountain of work I have.

Amnesia, I beckon to thee.

Ah, fat hopes.