i wish i could fly.

tears of rage. tears of bitterness. tears of disappointment.

why do we name tears? are tears of rage really different from tears of disappointment?

i can't remember.

but tears of disappointment felt heavy on my cheeks today. they suck the life out of a person. how much brain power goes into making those tears fall anyway?

i want to fly. but these feet won't jump high enough, these wingless arms wouldn't soar.

are we really like that? will we never change?

how come it's so easy to vote for a change in government, a change in the nation's values, but not for a change in ourselves?

do we even think we need a change? oh, that the blind may see and the deaf hear.

i want to fly. but i can't. i'm reduced to wishing i could fly.

ah.

but i'm tired of wishing.

he-loves-me, he-loves-me-not nonsense. the petals are already there. if i could just count the petals beforehand, i'd already know the answer. but i still hoped. do you understand that feeling? you hope, and hope, you thought it could end the way you wanted, and then that last petal betrays you. you knew it all along. but then you hoped anyway.

why do we try hard? in the end, where does 'trying hard' get you?

-army wives-

anger is easier to recover from than disappointment. i don't know if there're enough pieces of me to start hoping again.

i won't end this post the way i ended the other one.

no, i'm not okay.

i won't talk about it. don't ask. i don't want to hear anymore either.

these tears will stay within the family.

it's a nice way of saying i'll cry every time i talk about it.

why are you downcast, o my soul?
why so disturbed within me?

i know i mustn't forget what the sons of Korah said right after.

put your hope in God
for i will yet praise Him
my Saviour and my God.

psalm 42:11

soul, listen, please.