yak yak yak.

Got back from a well-needed retreat yesterday. 

Yup. We're not allowed to post pictures online. Haha.

You know, I always knew there was something wrong with me, but I never knew what, until the retreat.

I always thought it wasn't right, that I loved things more than people. 

Or that I entertained a great indifference for people.

I could never understand how people could talk till four in the morning, 

or wake up in the middle of the night to surprise people for their birthdays, 

or just hike around campus in little groups for fun,

or spend hours on Facebook commenting on other people's lives. 

See?

If I were like those people, I would've said something like this:

I could never understand how people are not willing to listen to each other, no matter how much time it takes, 

or do something they've never done before to make someone happy on their birthday,

or just take time off to hike around campus and give undivided attention to each other, 

or invest in Facebook to discover each other's lives. 

Too much?

But that must be what motivates people to do the things they do. 

Uncle Phye Keat came up to share with us on Saturday, and he said this - 

"You'll discover this if you have law friends - we can't stand pointless conversations, or small talk. I'm so used to meaning what I say and saying just what I mean that I can't listen to people go on and on about something before coming to their point. I keep thinking, 'So what's your point?' I become very impatient with my friends, and it shows. Sooner or later they say they don't want to talk to me anymore. So I had to consciously decide to just TALK to people, even it means talking about nothing."

It's true. 

I have a structure for conversations, which is the same structure we were taught to apply to our essays:

1. Introduction
2. Point
3. Elaboration of Point
4. Illustration of Point
5. Conclusion

E.g. 

1. Have you heard of Shaun the Sheep? 
2. Shaun the Sheep is the most amazing TV show I've ever watched. 
3. It's only seven minutes long, and the sheep are so cute! 
4. For example, there's this fat cuddly one, and a skinny cute one... and the theme song super cute. *sing theme song* At the end of it, Shaun the Sheep's mulut will go senget wan. 
5. You should watch Shaun the Sheep.

If you've talked to me before, you'll realize that if you miss Point #2, I'll probably say something like, "So what's your point?"

Or start drifting away in the conversation.

If you miss Point #3, I'll probably say, "What do you mean?" or "Where did you get that idea?" or "Are you sure?"

Or plain disagree with you, and start elaborating on my disagreement.

If you miss Point #4, I'll probably say, "For example?" or "In what sense?"

Or plain disagree with you, and start giving a few illustrations of my own to contradict you.

If you miss Point #5, I'll probably say, "So?"

As you can see, I can be quite a pain. 

And that's exactly why I need to change.

Start talking to people because I want to talk to them, not because they have something to say.