the two lines that may see me get ISA-ed or mysteriously disappear:

How did the PM get my personal data and send me a CNY greeting on FB? 

Don't personal data protection provisions apply to him?

And the two lines that may save me:

Thanks, anyway. You rock!

And two lines that have nothing to do with him:

I think about what'll happen when Mr Lian's not around to teach us on Tuesdays anymore, and I wince inside. I need to step up and start studying the Bible again.

three.

three was all i could take.

but it wasn't until i held the hand of the last one that the tears began.

i didn't think people would respond to our mandarin oranges and words.

or maybe they didn't.

they responded to love.

touch.

words.  

"terima kasih" "xie xie" "thank you"


i think i found my love languages.


if my grandma was there in their shoes,
and somebody showed her love that way,
i think she would have cried too.

samantha isabella soma.

 

Yup, this is an extract from the acknowledgement section of a thesis.

I thought this was a very good reflection of what God is supposed to be to me.

Why do I insist on doing things without Him?

Question of the month.

on the importance of love.

"Basically, what 1 Corinthians 13:4 says is: 

If you have no love and give your body to the flames,
you're just a human satay."

-Mr Lian-

THE conversation.

This was only the second time talking to the same person about the same thing.

And again, the same thoughts came to my mind the way they did one semester ago.

Why do we try?

Why?

"Where does 'trying hard' get you?"

-Hiruma, Eyeshield 21-

"In light of all this, what will Chinese New Year be like for you?"

I added an extra question to the conversation this time.

I knew what I'd hear in reply. But I also knew that you've got to say these things out loud, or they'll eat you up inside.

Jubili's sharing was so awesome yesterday. He shared about his work with PERMIUM, the society in 7th College that works with the disabled in UM. 

You know the questions he asked in the previous post?

Shortly after, he read from John 9:2-3:

His disciples asked him, 

“Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”

“Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus,  

“but this happened so that the works of God 

might be displayed in him."

I've had so many people tell me that religion is a crutch for the weak, for those who need an excuse not to be strong.

What we believe in is foolishness to many, because today's world says you are the god of your own world. Love yourself first, and then others. Go the extra mile... if you receive in return. Me first, God later. If He exists. You are strong. You can do this. If you want it, go for it. If you think you can, you can.

My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness. 

- 2 Corinthians 12:9.

That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 

- 2 Corinthians 12:10.

Honor one another above yourselves. 

- Romans 12:10.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 

- Matthew 22:37.

Love your neighbor as yourself.

- Matthew 22:39. 

But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ.

- Philippians 3:7.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart 

and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge Him, 

and He will make your paths straight.

- Proverbs 3:5-6.

And perhaps, the greatest foolishness of all:

For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. 

- Philippians 1:21-

Children are the easiest to reach out to.

Because they understand and accept that they need help.

The disabled are also easy to reach out to.

Because they also understand and accept that they need help.

They don't want your pity.

They want your support.

-Jubili-

We try because others need our help.

We try because there are others who need us to try.

We try because things don't just go away just because we shut our eyes to them.

After saying this, He spit on the ground, 

made some mud with the saliva, and put it on the man’s eyes.  

“Go,” he told him, “wash in the Pool of Siloam”. 

So the man went and washed, and came home seeing.

-John 9:6-7-

Most importantly,
we try because He tells us to.

No matter how stupid and incurable things seem,

He tells us to try.

And that's about the only thing that keeps us going,
especially when we find that we don't have enough.
When we don't have enough love for others to keep trying.


While I'm busy receiving ang pow packets,
And stuffing myself with food,
There is a brother who will go home to a completely different world,
And who will be trying still.

jubili:

Why were some born blind? 

They can never see the faces of their friends.

Why were some born deaf?

They can never hear the voices of their parents.

Why were some born lame?

They can never touch the grass.

Why were some born with stubborn hands?

They can never feel water.

WE HAVE A HALL FOR EASTER!

FINALLY!

*HAPPY DANCE*

THANK YOU, FATHER!

AND THANK YOU, EMILY CHOW!

*HAPPY DANCE*

chen li:

"Tell me, if this is a perfect world, what would be different in your life?"


That's easy.

There would be no Jesus.

Because Jesus Christ came for an imperfect world.

me>lyd: "k! sea ewe!" (k! see you!)

Lydia

C sheep!



*ewe = female sheep

Me

LAME!

(such a rare word in my dictionary =P)
(public: "yeah, only cuz it's always only used against you.")


By the way, I stumbled upon this in Ecclesiastes 2:2:

"Laughter," I said, 

"is foolish."

Solomon tried lame jokes.

Apparently he found them to be meaningless too. (how could you, solomon?)

Ya, anyway, I'm feeling a bit feverish. It's the CNYS - Chinese New Year Syndrome. Imagine this PJ heat, magnified at least two times in Malacca.

Ta.

the random.

[Thursday - Email]

Me

Hey Puan Z, sorry this is late. I kinda spilled water all over my laptop and other miscellaneous stuff like that in a series of unfortunate events.

Pn Zalina

Sounds like Lemony Snicket's Series of Unfortunate Events. No worries.

[Friday - PJGH Young Adults Care & Share Group]

Keith 

Oh no, looks like it's gonna rain. Don't think we can have our prayer walk up the hill.

Me

Oh oh, we can walk down Ben & Jan's stairs and thank God for all the good stuff, and then walk back up and pray for all the obstacles and challenges in 2011. =D

Keith 

So many people how to fit in the stairway!

Me

Oh, alternatively, we could walk to the fridge and thank God for His providence.

[Saturday - A Game of Saboteur with PJGH peeps]

Yu-Shen

Good thing Gabriel's not here to confuse us.

Me

*places card*

Eugene

Wah, so obvious ah, dwarf?

-other people place cards-

Me

*places card*

All

HAH?

Jason Lim

What are you actually?? I thought you were a saboteur! I trusted the wrong person! Gah! 

-third round of Saboteur-

Me

*places card*

All

HAH? What are you wei, seriously?

Me

I create drama in the game mah. =P

Yu-Shen

Did you say "create drama in the game"? That's exactly what Gabriel said during the game yesterday. -__-

Phye Beng

Sorry lah, I don't know if this is good or bad, but the way you're playing... *places Block card on me*

I enjoy being random. It minimizes the pressure of being something I'm not. Being random is being in character to me. =P

Oh, and today I sang:

"Nobody wants to have lunch with meeee" 

(to the tune of "nobody knows the troubles I've seen")

at the moment, i'm sure.

I'm sure it sucks to be me. Haha.

Preparing for tomorrow's session in PKV in the midst of several valiant attempts to complete my Company Law assignment.

Trying not to multi-task. Shaun said multi-taskers are people who don't plan well.

Trying not to keep thinking about that other project in March.

Panda eyes, panda eyes. I'm so splatted.

But I'm also uncovering a lot from PKV's history, and discovering - with delight, sometimes - that PKV has a rich heritage indeed. 

If only this journey of discovery doesn't have to be now, at this moment, when I have some other urgent things to do.

But I suppose,

maybe that's why we never kept track of PKV's heritage in the first place.

Because we had some other urgent things to do.

I hope to help people see, tomorrow, that there are things that we have been missing.

(except i'm having trouble getting into my working mode)

Many thanks to the seniors who have very generously entertained my SMSes!

mercy.

sometimes you want to extend comfort, but you can't.

because there are secrets 

that are yours to keep,

but not yours to tell.

mr lian said yesterday that the true Christian learns to rejoice in sufferings and trials because they are what make us perfect and lacking in nothing. getting what we want our own way is God tolerating something bad about us for the larger benefit. 

then He tries us again after we recover from the last trial.

again and again and again.

again and again and again He tries us, so that imperfect beings like us may become perfect.

but Father,

look upon us and have mercy.

simply because we are weak and You are strong.

give us this day Your strength that we may live.

How do you know if you're special?

LTR (leaders training retreat) 2011.

We discovered that we have quite a Bible-based committee this year. And so we decided to take a picture to encourage the other members of the fellowship.

 

 Lydia the purple cloth dealer,

Mark the gospel writer,

Noah the ark builder,

Timothy the young disciple,

Philemon the master of the slave Onesimus,

Deborah the judge.

As Lydia said on Facebook:

Spot Phil! =D

Also, we took a personality test, and apparently I’m supposed to be sober.

The short moment of silence and the hysterical laughter that followed in the conference room begged to differ.

Cehh.

*picture taken by swee kit. with mark’s camera (?) and uploaded on facebook by lydia. haha!

in ten years.

When I was months old, I probably didn't think.

When I was five, days were timeless for a child like me.

When I was ten, I wanted to be a clerk like my mum (then) because she is just so awesome.

When I was 15, I read Little Women and thought it would be quite awesome to see if I could dream a dream  ten years ahead and live it. I thought I'd be an astronomer and put my love for the cosmos io practical use.

When I was 20, it was my fourth year of giving up on that first dream, and my third year of dreaming a second dream. In ten years, I pictured myself a Christian lawyer fighting for the landless.

At 23, that second dream has changed a little. I discovered Land Law puts tears in my eyes, though not tears of empathy and passion as I had hoped. 

At 23, I have begun to think that perhaps there is more to dream of than just my vocation, though I should still dream of a worthy one.

At 23, I dream of being more than a godly woman. I dream of being a woman of God in every way - an older sister to a younger seeker friend, a woman with a discerning heart, an older woman with the wealth of experience I faithfully sought through steps of faith, a gentle soul to one in great pain.

Because ten years before, I would never have understood pain and hurt the way I do now. 

How much more will I understand ten years from now?

How many more friends will pass before they reach their ten-year mark?

Life is too short, as they rightly say.

But life's frailty has its power,

because the wise would realize that this is not the time to 'get the most out of life'.

This is the time to allow lives to get the most out of us.

The reason why we have been attending so many funerals is because the generation two tiers above us are passing away. 

Time is short.

It'll soon be time to take our place as the "generation two tiers above". 

At 23, I hope to be a worthy member of the "generation a tier above" ten years from now.

For if I don't think these things, I'm no different than when I was months old.

p/s: pastor dave said that people get very philosophical during exams. e.g. "there is more to life than spm!" it's the same for uni students shortly before assignment due dates.

today's quiet time.

Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will never pass away. 

Mark 13:31

You know how people quote this verse so often, then follow-up with a testimony or so about how God always keeps His promises?

I always found that fascinating, because right before that verse, Jesus said:

Truly I tell you, 

this generation will certainly not pass away 

until all these things have happened.

Mark 13: 30

"All these things", i.e.:

• Wars (v.7)
• Earthquakes & famines (v.8)
• Suffering & persecution (v.9)
• Incarceration [kena buang penjara] (v.11)
• Betrayal & rebellion within the family that may lead to death (v.12)
• Hatred (v.13)
• Days of distress unequaled from the time of creation (vv.13-20)
• Deception (v.22)
• The sun and moon will refuse to shine (v.24)
• Terror in the sky (v.25)

If the Bible had stopped there, I may as well wish to die right now.

But it didn't. 

• Jesus Christ will return in glory. (v.26)

People everywhere are summarizing how 2010 was for them. I don't feel like doing that, because the things that happened starting the middle of that year have kinda overshadowed whatever awesome things I may have experienced at the start of the year.

If I had to summarize 2010, I would simply say, 

Uncertainty.

this is my favourite pao which the cafe sometimes didn't have. gah!

Uncertainty is something very foreign to me. Because besides the usual directionlessness on the road, I've always known what I wanted in and from life (except for the time I realized I couldn't be an astronomer anymore cuz I hated Physics the moment I wrote my first formula in Form 4. Even then, I was absolutely certain I hated Physics. See.)

The other time I was very uncertain was when I had to decide between a church, a ministry, and a fellowship in 2009.

I document everything I see and hear because of the need for control. When stress gets too overwhelming, I start organizing my folders and documents and shelves because it makes me feel like I'm in control of something. Anything.

2010 wasn't a very good year. I felt lost most of the time. 

Sometimes things were okay, 
sometimes they weren't.
I stopped guessing after awhile.

like this toilet roll - i felt wasted.

I realized that control was an illusion, as Ellie Satler put it in The Jurassic Park. 

Reading this passage, I thought,

In a world so full of uncertainty, even if there are more dire prophecies than happy ones, it does bring me comfort to know that because it was Jesus Christ who said it, it would come to pass. 

Just because it was Jesus Christ who said it.

And He never has to promise. 
He just says it. 

"I tell you the truth"
"Assuredly, I say to you"
"My words will never pass away"

He never has to promise.
Because He will always keep His word.

With Jesus Christ, there is certainty.

Certainty.

The name of today's page in the journal.

si loya buruk.

One can always trust Justin See to carry a phone conversation.

Haha!

my observation:

those who have more time do less work.

so it's really up to you as to how you want to live your life.

pleasure or productivity?

i won't say i can live without pleasure, 

because that would make me a real sour plum.

but i can't imagine a life without productivity.

i'll spend my days wondering what on earth i exist for.

and with productivity, comes pleasure. 

"i am pleased with my work."

everybody should love to say that.

again, a recurring theme in my life.

and a phone conversation from yesterday:

Desmond

Eh, that's very good, Tze Wei! (haha!)

Hwei

Hah really ah? I thought you'd laugh at me. Haha!

Desmond

No lah, why would I laugh at you? I'm so proud of you!



in moments of PMS, that was really moving.
and it helped me see where i am now with a new perspective.

even with that indian accent.
=P

(desmond: "i'm gow-na keel you, tze wei.")

penat. sangat penat.

but when life sucks,

don't suck.

cuz then you make other people's life suck la.