ah. driving.

I JUST read Pei Ling's posts about how she felt when she failed her driving test the second time, and when she passed her driving test at the fourth try.

...because I've been clicking this three-month-old culs de sac post for, well, three months. forgive me for thinking your blog was dead. =P

Anyway.

Those who've been following my Friendster blog early 2006 would have read my post about how I passed my driving test. (sorry, can't give you the link, cuz campus barred friendster) Horrible. I still shudder when I think about it.

*shudder*

For those who don't know, I passed at the fourth try as well. Fifth, if you count the PRE-TEST I failed. Yeah, call me bizarre. At that point of time, I seriously hated driving. I hated blue uniforms, Kancils, old pak ciks, and I even hated hearing BM because the lingua franca in driving school was BM.

I spent so much time in the driving school that I no longer got lost in there. THAT IS A BIG DEAL, I assure you. By the fourth try, I even discovered that the old pak cik at the slope had a twin brother. true, i tell you. you go see yourself. And I could tell anyone which tester was driving which Kancil. car no.3 mia quite leng chai.

Let me just recount my driving experiences:

Pre-test #1
Failed because I lost my way.

Pre-test #2
Passed because the tester told me where to go and when to change speed.

Test #1
Failed because of a bunch of dumb mistakes like forgetting the seat-belt, using Speed Four instead of Speed Three when driving up a steep road, and finally, sliding down the steep road.

Test #2
Stopped - for like 10 seconds, that's long - when the light was green.

Test #3
Drove when the light was red.

Test #4
PASSED. But only because God sent an angel in the form of another L-driver who was taking the same road for the test. The car was in front of me the entire way. I copied whatever the driver did. God bless that driver, whoever he/she is. Because I would've failed otherwise. You know how I know? Because at the first right turn, I pulled the hand-brake, and the car came to an abrupt halt in the middle of the road rather unsurprisingly. The JPJ officer was very surprised though.

...silence... (the car still very much in the middle of the road)

"...Kenapa tarik hand-brake?"

-snapped out of shock and put down the hand-brake-

"Tak tahu."

-drove like nothing happened-

Maybe he was still in shock or something, because he didn't say anything else.

Yeah, I know it's all very lame, and I allow you to laugh about it. It wasn't very funny at the time though. I'd say it was rather devastating. In those days -I can't believe it was 3 years ago- I spent the eve of every test trying to memorize mapS (yes, plural) my sister and dad drew for me. It's unfortunate that I still can't read maps today, but yeah, I tried to read and memorize maps in those days.

I felt like I was never going to make it out of driving school, and I probably never would have. Seriously. Because after I passed, 4 months later, under intense guidance by my dad, I was still driving like an idiot.

Before, I prided myself as a quick learner. Most things came easily to me. If I couldn't excel in it, I could at least master its concept and teach it to someone else who could excel. The only time I failed a test was during my first KH test in Form 1, when I thought I only had to do the Perdagangan paper, and left the ERT and Manipulatif KH papers blank. From then on, failing was not an option. I vowed I would never fail at anything ever again. that's why last time a bit kiasu.

When I first started learning how to drive, I was so proud and confident.

When I failed my pre-test, I was flabbergasted. That failure didn't stay with me. I took the first test with a significant amount of confidence, believing in my age-old principle:

If you think you can, you can.

I thought I could. But I couldn't.

Like Pei Ling, I was traumatized after that second failure. Devastated after the third. Detached and spacey after the fourth. The final time I stepped into the waiting room, as I sat on the chair and watched the twins talk, I came to the same conclusion as Pei Ling did.

God - I needed Him.

With driving skills like that, who doesn't? That's what you're thinking. Yeah, think it. Laugh. It's quite funny anyway. Hah.

Point is, unlike me, you may not need God as a driver. However, if you haven't already experienced it, you will one day come across something you can't do without help, and sometimes human help just doesn't cut it. You'll need something, and you won't know what, and where to get it. You may be proud now, but when you're broken, there wouldn't be enough space in the pieces of your heart for pride.

The LORD is near to those who have a broken heart
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18

Pride. It's not an option.

btw, to you-know-who,
this can be counted as that testimony for the tag la.
=P