nscfl camp 2010 - day 1.

Because Nokia-san died on me again, words are all I have.

Day 1 saw me walking into a camp by an organization whose only event I've ever attended was the Inter-Generation Carnival 2010 in Malacca. Day 1 also saw me getting lost for an hour on the way to the campsite. 

I met Marianne, a former law senior who left to answer the call to be a full-time worker in church. She didn't recognize me at first, because she thought I was a camper. 

Aha~

In fact, I realized that many campers thought I was a camper. And so they basically ignored me / weren't responsive half the time la. Ah, the price of looking young. =P

Freedom beyond the Red Sea. 

The one thing that struck me from Roshan's talk.

Freedom. 

Freedom is an important word to me. Freedom is something people of my personality lack. 

People like me are judgmental, critical, legalistic, and perfectionists. People like me often step on other people's toes. But people like me are also the hardest on ourselves. 

We judge and criticize ourselves more than we do any other person. 

We impose so many rules on ourselves we can hardly breathe sometimes.

We expect so much perfection from ourselves that we become more imperfect everyday.

But my greatest slave-master has always been anger.

Sometimes I get so angry I'm afraid of myself.

But the fruit of the Spirit is

Love,

Joy,

Peace,

Long-suffering,

Kindness,

Goodness,

Faithfulness,

Gentleness,

Self-control.

 Galatians 5:22

The way I see it, as long as my kind of anger is a problem, I can never have the fruit of the Spirit.

Roshan spoke of freedom from sin. But I also challenged Group Boaz to be free from the other forms of slavery in their lives. 

One thing about being a group leader is that you must embrace the challenges you throw at your group.

I want to be free from...

It may have been their first time saying such a thing, but as I asked myself how many times I'd said it, I fought the urge to wonder what difference it would make this time. 

But I do want to be free. And every time I want something, He does something to test just how much I want it.

"'I want to be free' today; tomorrow, say 'I will be free'," I told them.

But as with all things - all it takes is a little doubt, a little hurt, a little failure, and all is lost.

They thought I was the teacher, but it was God who was teaching us about fear and freedom, and I was as much a student as anybody in the group.

And that was Day 1. 

And then I was so emotionally drained I couldn't do much more than nod and smile at the camp officers' meeting that followed. (ahaha)