btw, i'm tryin to do the fishmouth thing the backdorm boys did for S.H.E.'s song.
those glasses are supposed to help reduce my eyepower.
*yay now i can see!*
Perhaps it's a curse to be able to observe everyone without bothering to care that they know I'm doing it.
Perhaps it's to my misfortune that precision is my passion.
Perhaps I played too much Harvest Moon.
I spent - what - years (?) playing that game. And not just playing - combing the internet for walkthroughs, meticulously observing every character to know their daily schedule, then painstakingly putting together my own walkthrough, precise to the very last detail.
How ironic.
I never finished the game.
I spent my time replaying and restarting the game. Every answer to every sentence by every character weighed and measured before I gave it.
I used to say that playing the game made me a guarded and calculated (not calculative lol). Looking back though, I think that game only brought out the nature that was already in me.
I do weigh my words - heavily - before I speak.
However, I must say that I'm quite sucky at it, and that's why the normal observation of me by others is that I'm quiet. It's not because I'm super introvert, shy, don't like to talk, etc, it's because I'm thinking of what to say.
And not just what to say - how to say it, when to say it, why I should say it, and whether there's a better alternative to say it.
Playing Harvest Moon has just taught me that, unlike a game, you can't restart any event in your life. Once it's done, it's totally done.
There were more times than I can count, when I woke up thinking I had a bad dream. Just when I start to comfort myself and say it was a bad dream, I realize it wasn't. It happened. Things I said, things I did, or failed to say or do.
Harvest Moon taught me that I have to be calculated, precise, careful, in all that I say and do, because I can't do it all over again.
To be honest, I hate the "what if"s that flood through my mind every time I want to say or do something.
People take Nike's tagline "Just Do It!" for granted without knowing how much it means to people like me.
Just do it.
I wish I could.
I wish I'd gone for that national choir competition my choir teacher asked me to go to as their pianist.
I wish I'd played for Ms Fong when she asked me to help with her album.
I wish I'd handed in that essay even when the teacher told me not to.
I wish I'd said that something at that opportune moment. (nothing to do with boy-girl relationship. i know my readers. ah ha.)
I wish. I so wish.
I'm here now, with so many blessings in my life.
I'm in law school, doing what I love, being around words my entire day, saying what I want when I want to without being chided for being bold, having people listen to my opinions and what I think of things.
I have a good church both in Melaka and in Jalan Gasing.
I have a fantastic (albeit out-of-tune) piano in my college that I can jam on anytime I want.
I have an ice-cream stall outside the canteen from which I can buy a double-scoop whatever-flavour-you-want ice-cream for only RM1.50.
I have crazy roomies I can be totally crazy with.
But there is still one thing I don't have.
The ability to let down my guard.
Most people think I despise fun.
I do not. I'm an advocate of fun. Good, clean fun. Ask my roomies. They know.
I just don't like going outdoors or going all crazy outside the confines of my room because I don't like losing control.
I hate having crushes on guys because I don't like the fact that their every word and act governs my emotions.
I hate talking loudly and unnecessary body movement because I'm the number one ambassador of calmness and collectedness.
I hate reacting to things because I don't like the fact that something can rattle me.
I don't smile very much because there have been times people didn't return my smile. It's childish, but it stuck. Like a tum-tack to a bulletin board.
Listening to Chelsea and her stories of her close relationships with her teachers and friends, and watching her close relationships with the people in the faculty...
Frankly, it doesn't help very much.
I wish I could be like her. Carefree and jolly always. It's not that I'm not. It depends on where I am and who I'm with. And whether there's food in front of me.
It frustrates me that people don't see it that way. That most people will never see that part of me.
Most times, I feel like I'm standing aloof, watching a crowd of people enjoying each other's company while an invisible barrier stops me from joining them. And that's why I stick with my cameraphone, the only item that acknowledges my views and my perceptions of life without me having to say a word or change a fragment of who I am.
I don't feel like being bubbly and cheerful all the time. I don't feel like making funny comments about what people say and do all the time. I don't feel like making quick and comedic gestures all the time.
Do I have to? Do I need to?
There are people I love being around. Because with them, I don't feel like those things I mentioned are things that I do. They're just me.
If I be not mistaken, Sarah blogged something around these lines once. Ah haha.
Anyway, I feel the need to tell people who feel uncomfortable around me (I can tell from your body language and eyes ok): What you feel is my guardedness. I'm not that scary. Talk to me. I don't eat people. I only eat beef, chicken and fish.
Anyway, here're the tags I got tagged with.
Creative right? Oh *bangga*.
Like I told Yen, as much as I would love to, I haven't been able to smuggle a fridge into my college room. Hence, this is what my mental fridge looks like. Try to decipher it. Huhu.
Six Things I'm Passionate About.
- Understanding the Bible and Christian living
- Words
- Knowledge
- My favourite food
- Precision
- The fact that any number less than 10 should be spelt in full (tho i don't always do it. still tryin to fight my obsessive compulsive disorder concerning accuracy, you see.)
Six Books I Read Recently
- Princess, Jean Sasson
- Daughers of Arabia, Jean Sasson
- 1 Timothy, Paul
- 2 Timothy, Paul
- Law of Torts in Malaysia, Norchaya Talib (haven't finished still kira rite lol)
Six Songs I Can Listen To Over and Over Again
- Mary Jane, The Click*Five
- Part of Your World, The Little Mermaid
- Drowning, The Backstreet Boys
- Don't Wanna Miss A Thing, Aerosmith
- It's All About You, McFly
- Whatever It Takes, Lifehouse
(it must be clarified that these songs are the songs i downloaded from youtube and are the few songs i have on my com and therefore listen to every single day because i can't live peacefully without music)
Six Things I Learned This Past Year
- People are not Harvest Moon characters
- I love Law, it's everything I expected, and beyond.
- I can say something lame without a single mark of expression on my face
- I don't like black fish (especially the one in college)
- I can still swim
- I have a wedding to attend this Saturday and I don't know what to wear
Six Valuable Things I Own
- My heavy Study Bible + spiritual diary (they must come together)
- Jeans I can fit into
- My love for language
- My love for words
- Mr Acer
- A lovely bed that's nicer to sleep on than Chelsea and Liverpool's =P (tho technically I don't own the bed unless I buy it from the college but what's the point?)
Six Bloggers I Tag
Mau, Yen, Chen Li, Sarah, Sis, Shaun. (kenalah kau semua =P i spare pei ling ah ahhaha)
Perhaps it's to my misfortune that precision is my passion.
Perhaps I played too much Harvest Moon.
I spent - what - years (?) playing that game. And not just playing - combing the internet for walkthroughs, meticulously observing every character to know their daily schedule, then painstakingly putting together my own walkthrough, precise to the very last detail.
How ironic.
I never finished the game.
I spent my time replaying and restarting the game. Every answer to every sentence by every character weighed and measured before I gave it.
I used to say that playing the game made me a guarded and calculated (not calculative lol). Looking back though, I think that game only brought out the nature that was already in me.
I do weigh my words - heavily - before I speak.
However, I must say that I'm quite sucky at it, and that's why the normal observation of me by others is that I'm quiet. It's not because I'm super introvert, shy, don't like to talk, etc, it's because I'm thinking of what to say.
And not just what to say - how to say it, when to say it, why I should say it, and whether there's a better alternative to say it.
Playing Harvest Moon has just taught me that, unlike a game, you can't restart any event in your life. Once it's done, it's totally done.
There were more times than I can count, when I woke up thinking I had a bad dream. Just when I start to comfort myself and say it was a bad dream, I realize it wasn't. It happened. Things I said, things I did, or failed to say or do.
Harvest Moon taught me that I have to be calculated, precise, careful, in all that I say and do, because I can't do it all over again.
To be honest, I hate the "what if"s that flood through my mind every time I want to say or do something.
People take Nike's tagline "Just Do It!" for granted without knowing how much it means to people like me.
Just do it.
I wish I could.
I wish I'd gone for that national choir competition my choir teacher asked me to go to as their pianist.
I wish I'd played for Ms Fong when she asked me to help with her album.
I wish I'd handed in that essay even when the teacher told me not to.
I wish I'd said that something at that opportune moment. (nothing to do with boy-girl relationship. i know my readers. ah ha.)
I wish. I so wish.
I'm here now, with so many blessings in my life.
I'm in law school, doing what I love, being around words my entire day, saying what I want when I want to without being chided for being bold, having people listen to my opinions and what I think of things.
I have a good church both in Melaka and in Jalan Gasing.
I have a fantastic (albeit out-of-tune) piano in my college that I can jam on anytime I want.
I have an ice-cream stall outside the canteen from which I can buy a double-scoop whatever-flavour-you-want ice-cream for only RM1.50.
I have crazy roomies I can be totally crazy with.
But there is still one thing I don't have.
The ability to let down my guard.
Most people think I despise fun.
I do not. I'm an advocate of fun. Good, clean fun. Ask my roomies. They know.
I just don't like going outdoors or going all crazy outside the confines of my room because I don't like losing control.
I hate having crushes on guys because I don't like the fact that their every word and act governs my emotions.
I hate talking loudly and unnecessary body movement because I'm the number one ambassador of calmness and collectedness.
I hate reacting to things because I don't like the fact that something can rattle me.
I don't smile very much because there have been times people didn't return my smile. It's childish, but it stuck. Like a tum-tack to a bulletin board.
Listening to Chelsea and her stories of her close relationships with her teachers and friends, and watching her close relationships with the people in the faculty...
Frankly, it doesn't help very much.
I wish I could be like her. Carefree and jolly always. It's not that I'm not. It depends on where I am and who I'm with. And whether there's food in front of me.
It frustrates me that people don't see it that way. That most people will never see that part of me.
Most times, I feel like I'm standing aloof, watching a crowd of people enjoying each other's company while an invisible barrier stops me from joining them. And that's why I stick with my cameraphone, the only item that acknowledges my views and my perceptions of life without me having to say a word or change a fragment of who I am.
I don't feel like being bubbly and cheerful all the time. I don't feel like making funny comments about what people say and do all the time. I don't feel like making quick and comedic gestures all the time.
Do I have to? Do I need to?
There are people I love being around. Because with them, I don't feel like those things I mentioned are things that I do. They're just me.
If I be not mistaken, Sarah blogged something around these lines once. Ah haha.
Anyway, I feel the need to tell people who feel uncomfortable around me (I can tell from your body language and eyes ok): What you feel is my guardedness. I'm not that scary. Talk to me. I don't eat people. I only eat beef, chicken and fish.
Anyway, here're the tags I got tagged with.
Yen's Tag - My Fridge
Creative right? Oh *bangga*.Like I told Yen, as much as I would love to, I haven't been able to smuggle a fridge into my college room. Hence, this is what my mental fridge looks like. Try to decipher it. Huhu.
Elena's Tag - 6 Six Things
Six Things I'm Passionate About.
- Understanding the Bible and Christian living
- Words
- Knowledge
- My favourite food
- Precision
- The fact that any number less than 10 should be spelt in full (tho i don't always do it. still tryin to fight my obsessive compulsive disorder concerning accuracy, you see.)
Six Books I Read Recently
- Princess, Jean Sasson
- Daughers of Arabia, Jean Sasson
- 1 Timothy, Paul
- 2 Timothy, Paul
- Law of Torts in Malaysia, Norchaya Talib (haven't finished still kira rite lol)
Six Songs I Can Listen To Over and Over Again
- Mary Jane, The Click*Five
- Part of Your World, The Little Mermaid
- Drowning, The Backstreet Boys
- Don't Wanna Miss A Thing, Aerosmith
- It's All About You, McFly
- Whatever It Takes, Lifehouse
(it must be clarified that these songs are the songs i downloaded from youtube and are the few songs i have on my com and therefore listen to every single day because i can't live peacefully without music)
Six Things I Learned This Past Year
- People are not Harvest Moon characters
- I love Law, it's everything I expected, and beyond.
- I can say something lame without a single mark of expression on my face
- I don't like black fish (especially the one in college)
- I can still swim
- I have a wedding to attend this Saturday and I don't know what to wear
Six Valuable Things I Own
- My heavy Study Bible + spiritual diary (they must come together)
- Jeans I can fit into
- My love for language
- My love for words
- Mr Acer
- A lovely bed that's nicer to sleep on than Chelsea and Liverpool's =P (tho technically I don't own the bed unless I buy it from the college but what's the point?)
Six Bloggers I Tag
Mau, Yen, Chen Li, Sarah, Sis, Shaun. (kenalah kau semua =P i spare pei ling ah ahhaha)
it's nice to not do this alone.plus.
hello, buddy.
congratulations for making it this far.
haha.
5 comments:
hi there! I am ur faithful reader yo! my name is hweelin! hey last time u were not guarded when u were with me! u eat banana so geli-ly.. and laugh so crazily (sambil meraba-rabakan ur stomach!).. u have lost ur old self?? HAhaa.. i lost my lameness too! ppl here are calculative (of cuz including me)... the real world heh heh heh... in Psych we learnt that there are 2 kinda regrets, one regrets because u regret of not doing something, and one because u did something wrong. and the regret becos u didnt do something is greater than the one becos u did something! life is but once! let it all out hwei! nobody takes u seriously... And what people think about you is NONE OF UR BUSINESS! cacat or lame or paralysed, whatever.. as long as u noe what u do is right.. of cuz la don say things that will tear ppl down XD
take care kay.. cant wait to c the girl who use her words to make a difference! salt and light!
errr...what's the box thing? ice cube? paws not too sure. emails .music. chats. and ur heart being hurt?yea creative.
tsk. photoshop nicer than taking a pic of ur canteen's fridge huh.
takper.
anyway, there's always some ppl are better at doing social things. i'm like u. looking from afar how ppl mingle. it kinda sucked sometimes. till now i can say tat i'm talkative, but how many frens do i actually hang out with from my uni. i think only 1. so, it sucked. i'm leaving uni with such little memories. bah.
but it's ok la. not everybody has to be the same wad. the world will be boring.
WHY U TAG ME SOMETHING WITH WORDS. i will have hard time answering coz there's books involve.
[Lin] Wah bahagianya aku. You took the trouble to introduce yourself somemore. LOL. Aiyah you one of those I no need be guarded around wan mah. I don't really eat banana liddat in front of everybody noe. Plus the raba stomach wan is once in a blue moon wan. BLEH. Still my old self, but lost the company I can be my old self with. (cuz semua cabut dah, especially one cabut-ed to luar negara cis!) Wah your psychology course very accurate. Ah haha. Yeah, will talk a lot of garam and cahaya stuff. Haha.
[Yen] Of course creative la. See who do wan! =P Neh, box thing is ice BOX. Ah ahahah. The paws are actually the first shape I used and then I thought they might look nice if I leave them there. =P But then if wanna reason it out then I suppose can say that I used to want a pet, but then due to lack of approval, I gradually began to not want a pet (especially since it was emphasized that I'd have to clean up poop) I was thinking more snail mail actually (I suka!). The heart with the tumtack wan is I terbuat wan. Then dunno how to take out. AHAHAHA. (yen: you could just undo it. hwei: oh ya hor.)
Canteen mak cik very fierce. Dare not intrude upon her territory. =P
Oh, thanks for understanding. XD
Yeah, we should stand afar together next time. Really sucky. I got 3, more a bit. Huhu... Maybe cuz you didn't get the chance to stay out hor.
Thanks for the encouragement. Huhu...
I SENGAJA MIA MUAHAHAHA. The books wan can leave empty. Or name 6 books of the Bible you read recently. Hahahaha.
hey.
how've u been?
You sounded very moody in the past few posts. The city life getting to you already?
how's pjgh?
1st idea in my mind when c this post is... wow..so long..lol...
2nd.. harvest moon? haha.. i and my sis played it too, n very like it.. v read all walkthrough by online too, but no time to play out all possibilities, but yeah, games just like our life, but our life will never become a games 100%, cannot save, cannot load, can only take care each steps, then c how it become.. maybe u think too much.. because u r enof frenly n kind n talkative n nice n with a lot of smiles =p so, try to let ur brain be blank sometimes, u may enjoy it..(don really let ur brain blank when u cross the road ya..)
3rd..u r very+extreme+super+duper+too independent.. tats y u don like to let others ppl influence u? hm.. got good got bad la..hard to say, but.. i think, maybe sometimes girls can be not so independent, juz enjoy the feeling depent on ppl.. as experience, n rest
4th, er.. u all better than me.. i think i hv 0 only..hm.. because i don hv car, then when i wan ask ppl go hang out, i will wonder will they busy or not.. finally don wan to disturb them.. n yen, ur house very far la.. wish can hang out with u, but don wan trouble u..haha..paiseh..
ok, 5th, all the best ar.. life so short, enjoy everyday is better ;)
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