I'm trying too hard to be like Ah Zheng. That is so not what I would say.
I would say something like: ...
And then I would ask how the participants are taking it, what's going on over there in Johor (I couldn't go because I had my MUET exam on the day of the quiz), how much the difference in score was, and other such things.
Today Auntie Tina and Auntie Jennifer were expressing their views about this latest major thing in our church. They obviously didn't have much faith in MGC's standing in the quiz. Or maybe they were just expressing such indifference because they were trying to cover up their disappointment that is of course actually due to the fact that they actually hoped we could get more than the last placing in the quiz. I mean, that's what I do anyway.
Auntie Tina had never witnessed the days when we still had the fight in us (she wasn't around for the first few quizzes). So I suppose her lack of faith is quite justified. But Auntie Jennifer has been around for quite some time. Except she didn't exactly turn up for all the quizzes la. So her lack of faith is probably due to the fact that she usually watched from the sidelines while we struggled up there. News of our defeat or victory was just news to her, I guess. Even if she was there, like the time we won in our hometown, I think it was just a quiz victory to her. I'm thinking something crazy right now, which is that this kind of represents what goes on in the Christian world, if such a term may be used. We never quite work hard as labourers in the harvest field until we experience God for ourselves. Not just through hearing about Him in sermons or remembering the many bad things happening in the world and in our own lives. Those who've witnessed for themselves and who've supported us with their whole heart and soul every second of the quiz would continue to hope in the strength of the team, no matter how many times the team loses. They shout for joy and groan with the team throughout the quiz and when defeat is in sight, they sigh with the team, but go down fighting with the team. They whoop sincerely when victory is in sight. Every moment of suspense is passed with pounding hearts. But to those who are only there to watch, more is said than felt whether the team wins or loses.
Long-winded, I know. This is my superb strategy to get whatever few readers I have to shy away from my blog. Muahaha. And I'm hoping most of you have already moved on to another blog or website and are not reading this part right now cuz it would mean 2 things: that my efforts have failed, and that you now know my strategy. Oh bah!
Alright, now that the number of readers has been reduced quite significantly (I hope), I can actually get down to the main dish for today.
I spent most of the week feeling irritated and trying not to feel irritated.
- I was very irritated while preparing questions for the quiz.
- I was and am very irritated with the fact that although fewer people are reading my blog right now, I know that I still can't blog everything about the quiz here.
- I was irritated when people assumed that I am a totally free person with nothing to do and with nothing much to study cuz I get better grades.
- I was totally irritated with the tap and shower in my room which would suddenly reduce significantly their capacity to provide me with the water I need to bathe and brush my teeth.
- I was irritated because I knew that there are people who go through more than all that with joyful hearts and thankful souls.
- I am so irritated by the fact that I got irritated.
- I am irritated because this list seems to be a round thing that doesn't end. Bah!
I am seriously odd. Not as in a serious person and odd at the same time, but as in very odd.
Well, anyway, since most of the youth went down to Johor yesterday for the quiz, the remnants of the youth (and 2 young adults muahaha), namely me, Yik How, Adrian, Ah Zheng and Mel helped out in the Children's Hour. Ah Zheng came back just in time to be chosen =P as the songleader for the day. Adrian did the game; I played the piano; Yik How, Mel and I took the Mandarin class. Do I hear "Whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"s? Nah, I probably hear "harrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr"s more. Well, your response is well justified and well received! After yesterday, the little me in my brain is probably thinking that Mel's Mandarin is better than mine. I sincerely thank God for moving Yik How and Mel to help me yesterday. I'm ok with teaching a crowd of children, but I am so not ok with teaching one-on-one or one-on-two (?). It's like Dad also. He speaks super nicely and eloquently in English, but when he speaks in Mandarin it's just so weird and like sebiji-sebiji wan (although he's now preaching in Mandarin). I mean, not really berketul-ketul like mine la, but not as nice lor. Recently, my classmates have been asking me about God, Christianity, and the Bible. I do pretty well explaining everything to my friends who can speak English sufficiently well, but I have serious trouble talking about Christ to my Chinese-ed friends. It's like haiyoh... there's this guy who asked me to bring a form for him to fill so that he could become a Christian. I told him that that ain't how it works, and tried to tell him the Gospel (what better chance than that huh) but my Mandarin was just too koyak for that. I mean, my basics are ok la. But stuff like salvation, repent, sin, accept, Saviour, eternal life... they require more than just reading Chinese Class textbooks! If God's trying to tell me I'm going to be involved in some way or other in the Chinese ministry, I think He's thrown enough hints man. I hear You loud and clear, Father~
I was feeling so tired after staying up doing the quiz questions and taking my MUET exam with a dizzy head that I went for the Children's Hour with an equally dong-dong head (Shaun had even helped me set the questions twice cuz I was simply too tired). After the mandarin class thing, I felt even more down cuz I felt I hadn't done my part well. Nicole (the little girl I was teaching - Yik How helped me teach Chai Ho) wasn't responding very well. She kept shaking her head and saying she didn't know anything after I'd explained the story of Jonah to her with all my might and strength (and with the aid of pictures! Not I draw wan la of course. She lagi tak faham). She seemed to respond more enthusiastically to Mel (who is, by the way, an Eurasian). I felt so totally helpless and useless. Sigh. The reason I felt even worse was probably because I hadn't thought that I would do that badly. I had too much confidence (actually not much, but it's relatively much). Yes, God, thanks for the lesson ~
But after that, Ah Zheng messaged me and said that he'd really enjoyed the whole thing yesterday cuz it cheered him up after spending most of his days studying and home-aloning at home. Yeah, that odd term has his copyright footnote stamped on it. That really encouraged me (the message, not the odd term). I think Adrian and Mel enjoyed themselves too. Auntie Yu Ming definitely did. She's been so bogged down by the weight of this ministry. I'm sure it gave her great encouragement to see that there are people who actually care about this ministry too. Yik How finally has a reason to come to church and not play those ball games in school on Saturdays. After his message, I saw that the reasons for me to be happy should far outweigh the reasons for me to be down. Auntie Kiat Tin's been saying that Ah Zheng's stressed out with his course, but I've never been able to do anything about it (cuz he wouldn't talk much about it except some touch and go stuff tsk) but yesterday I felt like I helped him a little bit. And having so few people in church made it much easier for me to talk with the remnants of the youth. So I guess it really was worth it.
Oh ya, I went out with the class for Pey Yein's (monitor) birthday on Thursday. I went to Amigo and The Wings Cafe for the first time! (I was like the only one dot dot dot) Wan Ting and I had to sit with the guys at the far end of the 4 tables joined together cuz we were late. Wan Ting had to go to the doctor's, and I was too buta jalan to get to Amigo myself. I was actually in Melaka Raya before that and even saw the sign leading to Amigo cuz I went to Adrian and Ah Zheng's houses first but couldn't go to Amigo myself cuz well, I decided I'd save a little more getting-lost petrol that day. Eating with the guys was fun. As usual, Aaron was playing the gossip-bug with his latest news and updates on the "troubles" in class (to give him a little more credit, Wan Ting asked him first la). I've noticed for quite some time that Aaron and some of the other girls make crude remarks about Doreen whenever anything that has to do about her is brought up. And it's also quite noticeable that they bring up something about her even when she's not there, as if on purpose, for the aim of gossiping about her. When Aaron denied disliking Doreen, I remarked that he talks bad about her a lot. He denied that too, but moved on to talking about his quarrels with her. And he ended with the statement: "Actually our class no problems wan. Seems like got problems but actually don't have."
I fail to understand how a long speech about why he doesn’t want to have anything to do with Doreen supports that last statement. Hmm.
As usual, Ming Suan passed a remark about how the class wouldn't have any problems with him around, and Derrick threw some friendly insults at him, Wai Kee laughed his head off (like tikus, seriously), Kian Tiong laughed that kuai chai laugh, and Aaron just "hehehehehehe"-ed. Benny was of course at the other end of the table with his dear Jennifer, and Han Sern was somewhere being quiet. The guys taught me how to cut my chicken chop (-_-) and had a firsthand experience of my disgusting play-with-my-food habit.
Eating with the girls... well, it's not like they aren't fun too or that I dislike them or anything. But they tend to gossip a lot about Doreen when they're together. And whenever something is said in her defense, they just dismiss it and change the topic. Next thing you know, they're at it again in another outing. I'm not saying the guys are free from all this gossip and bad thoughts stuff, but at least when they come together, and if they're asked, they tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Ok, perhaps it ain't quite that much truth, but at least they speak their mind and listen when we tell them to think of the case in another light. Like Aaron was telling us he understood why Doreen was so childish (-_-) = it was cuz she's a single child and she has no freedom to do much of anything, just like him when he was younger. So Wan Ting and I told him that if he really understood how she felt, he was the best person to begin treating her nice. He protested at first, but after that he kept a little quieter and thought about it. Don't think he'll start treating her nice, though, but at least he didn't do that whole smile-and-agree-politely-but-actually-don't-agree-wan thing. And it's really odd to say this, but the guys have more depth than the girls. The girls don't seem to want to get below surface talk and I always get the feeling that they're avoiding certain things. When someone manages to get below their psychology iceberg, they start feeling uncomfortable. The only time they talk about their feelings is when they're really ranting about it. That's when I can gauge the real cause beneath that behavioural part of their iceberg.
Maybe I'm being paranoid again la. But... sigh. So far only Shih Chui has talked to me about deeper things than just school. At least she really expresses what she feels about things. But then again, she's always been a blunt person.
Or maybe it's just me being so unapproachable. I've heard them rant a lot to some of the girls, but they've never ranted to me or Yee Ying. And when I see Yee Ying, I know why they don't rant to her. Maybe when they see me, that's what they feel too. Gotta lose the English-ed aura!
Shaun's back. I'm gonna go act like a reporter and bombard him with questions.
Congrats again to those who made it this far.
