two stubborn old people.

Reading this old post and looking at the photos of children looking remarkably like their parents, I just can't help but feel amazed. 

(Dad & Shaun, Mum & me)

Amazed and fully aware that the blood of our parents indeed runs through our veins.


If we inherit our parents' looks, do we also inherit their traits?

We were told a story. A true story of an elderly couple fighting over a house and an old car.

They weren't divorced; they'd been separated for years. 

The wife had been living in the house, which was registered in her name. 

The husband had rented a room somewhere for years.

The husband wanted the house back, the wife refused to give in.

At first glance, it seemed like a typical case of money-faced people. Or maybe old people with nothing better to quarrel about.

The wife eventually said that she wouldn't give him the house because he'd been unfair to her, and she didn't trust him. 

"What do you mean 'unfair'?", someone asked.

"I think he has another woman."

The husband, possibly out of his mind, confessed. 

He had another woman. 

Or more accurately, he had had another woman. For years, maybe. Since they separated. Since before they separated.

She went hysterical.

He refused to apologize. 

They couldn't settle that day. 

All this in response to a very simple question I'd asked. 

But this story gave me even more questions. Questions I didn't think I'd like to ask my story-teller.

One of the questions we're trained to ask as mediators is, "If an apology would help settle the matter with her, would you like to try apologizing?"

Would it have settled the matter? 

What had been a simple matter of a house and a car had now become a complex matter of betrayal and trust. 

"I'm sorry" might not have settled the matter, but I'm sure it would've helped. At least a little.

But I suspect he won't say he was sorry because he wasn't. 

He just wasn't sorry.

It's funny how we say we're sorry for little things - like stepping on somebody's toe, or accidentally elbowing someone, or taking someone's pencil by mistake - but won't say we're sorry for the things that really matter, the things that could change our lives. 

Back to parents and children -  

Does a child inherit his father's unfaithfulness?

Someone asked another question after the story - "Did they reconcile?"

"No."

"It's sad."

A shrug. 

"That's life."

Another question - 

Is it?

Should we resign ourselves to "life", or should we hope?

And this is why I shall not be a Family Law lawyer. 

Because I can't be impartial and watch a family collapse.

I just can't.