A New Life, A New Start, A New Day Everyday

As I plucked off my share of the bread for the Communion today, I picked the crust.

So?

That's probably what you're all thinking. Heh.

Yeah, well, the thing is you need to know how I used to pick my food. I always picked the tastiest-looking chicken during dinner, hoarded the juiciest piece of mango during desert and tore off the insides of any bread I got cuz it's always the nicest part, since the crust is just awful to me.

Yup, selfish me.

What sis told me when I was younger struck me though. She described all the stuff I wrote up there la, then she proceeded to say (as usual) that she always took the un-nicest part so that she could leave the best to us.

That sort of didn't sink in till much later la.

Anyway, when I picked the crust today, I realized that although I'm still quite a selfish person, I'm less selfish than I used to be.

Usually when I pray my personal prayer for the bread, I have trouble thinking of what to say. Cuz I don't really keep His death in my mind all the time, so when I come on Sunday, it's difficult to think of His death as other than something done a long time ago. Today, I realized that His death changed my life. Not just the selfish aspect, but many other aspects of my life. I don't know what kind of person I'd be if He hadn't come looking for me to make friends with me, but I'd probably be someone I'm disgusted with if I could see that "myself" right now. And then it struck me that I have a chance to change every day, to grow better each day, to be a better person, to improve everyday because I have this God who enables me to do so. There's always another to try harder and to try again, and there's always hope of a better me in the future or maybe tomorrow because my Jesus died for me on the cross!

Suddenly it wasn't that hard to pray that personal prayer anymore. I think the best part that God enjoyed most today was seeing me realize all that: That I can change everyday, that it's not impossible to become more like Jesus because I was created in His image in the first place. Today I realized what I knew in my tiny brain all this while but failed to know in my heart - that God is content with just listening to my heart. That's what prayer's all about! I don't have to decide between Manglish and proper English when I pray, or apologize for using the wrong words when I pray (yeah, I do that. I'm that polite. Perasan haha~).

Indeed,

We will use the words we know
To tell You what an awesome God You are
But words are not enough
To tell You of our love
So listen to our hearts

And I don't have to keep trying to imagine Jesus carrying the cross or dying on the cross to remember what He did for me every time I take the Holy Communion. That's like so rigid. That's so like me.

Anyway, a new life, a new start, a new day, everyday! I shall change that part of me bit by bit, starting today!

When Uncle Anthony gave thanks for the cup, he said: "Thank you for this new life that we can have in You."

Today was the first time those words melted my heart. Thank You, God!

Plus He tegur-ed me and said that since His 2nd chances for me will never wear out, I should give other people 2nd chances also. And 3rd chances. And so on, till 70 x 7 times and beyond. Haha. That's what Jesus meant when He spoke to Peter, I guess. That His 2nd chances for us never wear out. And so we must do the same for others. Got the message, Father.

May each day be a fresh new day for me, Lord, that I may never grow weary of Your love and Your 2nd chances for me. Amen!