my lame brother. (how many times have i used this title?)

See, I'm not so OCD after all.

They're all different sizes.

*bangga*


*edit*

zhen qi cooked maggi mee!

For me.

Didn't take a photo, but it looked something like this.
Maybe with a few differences.
...K, maybe many differences. Haha. (for one, no veggie! Yay!)

Ah.

Am in my final year. Former Justice Gordon Law said on Monday that by the process of law school, we're supposed to become master wordsmiths, masters of reasonableness, dealing with this product called "words". 

One thing he said struck me, simply because it was so true:

Would be nice to sit down and read a novel instead, wouldn't it?

It would be nice. 

Instead of reading journals, cases, and textbooks, I really would like to sit down and read something non-legal.

But then again, he said:

You're not normal people. 

You've had your brains scrambled.

You will leave law school forever changed.

Again, so true. 

I will never look at a car accident or read the papers the same way again.

So that's why...

When I go home, I'm gonna just sit at home, watch a cartoon like Phineas and Ferb, and not talk, or talk nonsense all day. Which, I'm (thankfully) quite good at. Haha!

The Fast and the Phineas. HAHA!
But seriously, this is one cartoon everyone should watch.

Also, I'm thinking about my six-year-old motto:

I will be a lawyer. Period.

So what happens once I'm a lawyer?


*edit*

do not let your hearts be troubled.

"Let not your heart be troubled. 

Trust in God; trust also in Me.

In my Father's house are many mansions; 

If it were not so,

I would have told you. 

I go to prepare a place for you.

And if I go and prepare a place for you,

I will come back and receive you to Myself; 

that where I am, there you may be also.

And where I go you know,

and the way, you know."

riddle!

Man calls it an accident; God calls it an abomination.
Man calls it a blunder; God calls it a blight.
Man calls it a defect; God calls it a disease.
Man calls it a chance; God calls it a choice.
Man calls it an error; God calls it an enmity.
Man calls it a fascination; God calls it a fatality.
Man calls it an infirmity; God calls it an iniquity.
Man calls it a luxury; God calls it a leprosy.
Man calls it a liberty; God calls it lawlessness.
Man calls it a trifle; God calls it a tragedy.
Man calls it a mistake; God calls it a madness.
Man calls it a weakness; God calls it a wilfulness.

What is it?

again.

Again.

Esmond said every time he steps into USM, it's so painful it feels like someone died.

Like all that's left are memories.

I can relate.

Waving at you from where I am, Raymond.

=)

memories are hard to leave behind. 
if we take them along, but continue walking,
i suppose we're doing okay.
let's not forget to pray for those who need it.


you better keep that asam pedas up there, friend.
cuz i will eat it. 
and when i do, it better not be basi!

running on adrenaline.

It's that time of the year again. That time of the year when I walk around looking really tired but still somehow manage to get things done, because I'm running on adrenaline.

D. E. Hoste, Hudson Taylor's successor once asked Hudson how he could overcome the wandering mind during prayer. Among other things, Hudson told him to allow his body enough rest. 

This also reminded me of something Melissa (Chin) said about a doctor who worked long hours - 

"You can't run on adrenaline, because then you make mistakes."

If anyone asked me what I learned most in my term as President, I think it would surprise some people that I wouldn't talk about how I learned to organize people and things, how I learned patience, how I learned that people are not robots that can easily be told to do this or that.

I did learn all of that, in greater measures than I ever imagined or maybe... wanted. Haha. (Now that I've learned them, I want them la. Haha.)

Above all, I learned to ask for help.

People like to call me a superwoman, but I'm not. 

I'm really not. 

I know the difference between working with passion, and working on adrenaline. 

And today, my body tells me that I am slightly overworked. 

I'm still working on asking for help, because the natural thing to do seems to be to do everything myself when things get messy. 

I'm learning to help other people help me. 

Sometimes that takes more work than doing things myself, but then... was it ever just about work?

It came as a sort of surprise today that I was able to tell Evelyn (paraphrased):

It's not my work, it's His.

So, Father - it's Your responsibility.

You carry it out.

I'll work with what You give me.

The greatest line from church today, which I think baffles the world:

The fruit of the Spirit is

love, joy, peace,

patience, kindness, goodness,

faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Self-control helps you say that it is ok not to be in control.

Because God is in control.

Doing the Lord's work doesn't mean I become a superhuman.

It just means there will be strength from above. 

In the meantime, the weak body shall rest to refresh the willing spirit.

Father, 

Your will be done. 

On earth, 

as it is in heaven.

Amen.

because sometimes it helps to laugh.

 

 

I forgot when I learned to laugh at myself,

but life has been better ever since.

work.

I have more work now than when I was working.

Have actually been very, very frustrated and stressed out for the past two weeks. 

I shared at The Plan 11 - 

"I know I should feel like work is getting in the way of CF [Christian Fellowship]. So why do I feel like CF is getting in the way of work?"

The past few days have been especially stressful for me, and I felt like pulling my hair a number of times. 

I don't like getting irritated with people, and here I was getting very irritated.

I don't like feeling like scolding someone, and here I was feeling like giving someone a good scolding.

Everything wasn't as it should be, time is short, and I knew it.

Today, I read:

"God will never fail! Every need will be abundantly met, if not through one channel, then through another. The work is the Lord's."

The work is the Lord's!

That really broke me. 

Work, work, work. I've been so obsessed with work that I think everything I do is mine. Mine to work at, mine to keep, mine to delegate, mine to oversee, mine to cry over, mine to ensure success of.

But the work is the Lord's. I'm just someone with the privilege of being a part of it. 

And two pages later:

"Unless he [the leader] is constantly and faithfully wrestling in the heavenlies with the powers of darkness, there is real danger of his becoming involved in wrestling with his colleagues."

Indeed. 

I have been unfaithful. How can I now condemn others?

Father, 

take what is Yours.

It is safer in Your hands.

i have never felt so useless in my life.

back on msn.

Long fingernails are good for nothing but jazz.

muhibbah.

I got into a muhibbah accident in Malacca today. 

Two Malays, two Chinese, one Indian. 

Almost like the ratio in Malaysia. Almost.

Anyway.

I was right.

There is a big difference between getting into an accident in KL and getting into an accident in Malacca.

One line from the Chinese guy - "Bila kita tengok accident, kita tak cakap bangsa bangsa semua tu. Kita bantu saja."

Indian guy added - "Motosikal tu boleh baiki, tak apa."

Malay guy finished - "Yang penting orang selamat."

Thank you, kind Malaccan strangers. T_T

Thank You, God, for these kind people. T_T

footstool players.

Taken from their site.

I've always enjoyed their performances - clever lines, the absence of soppy unnecessary romantic scenes/lines, fast pace (unlike Korean & Taiwan dramas which I find very irritating), and the frequent organized multiple personality disorders. =D

Lame lines from yesterday:

A: There was a hole in the pot.

B: A pot hole!

Cracked Pot: Let me just sit here and decompose. From clay I came, to clay I shall return. SOB.

Person: Mould me into the image of Your Son, God.

God: Okay. *gets chisel ready*

Person: Wait! Aren't You a carpenter?

God: That's my Son.

And as always, they finished with an impactful skit - one that dealt with something I've always struggled with. Two years ago, I wondered what I would be without my music. That was probably one of the reasons why I didn't want to go to a church whose people knew I could play the piano. Because I wanted to see if I could be something by just being me, instead of being what I do.

Why church? Why not go on this journey of discovery elsewhere?

Because it's a bit difficult to not be defined by what you do in a place where you are precisely what you do. I.e. school.

Anyway.

After three years in PJGH, I've found that I can still be someone even without being a pianist. But now I'm a pianist again, and I've often found myself slipping back into that mindset - the one where I forget that what I do is just a part of who I am, and not the other way around.

Yesterday was a good reminder. 

And it just occurred to me that I haven't brushed my teeth.

Haha!

a teacher who teaches.

Read this on Facebook - a status update by my brother's friend in MHS, Upper Six (edited to sound more coherent haha):

Cikgu Hong ajar, 

Jangan cakap Bahasa Cina depan orang-orang Melayu sebab diorang tak faham. 

Jangan pandang rendah orang kelas Sastera kalau kau tu budak kelas Sains.

Jangan nak praktikkan perkauman dengan pandang rendah bangsa lain.

Kalau nak berjaya kena belajar sama-sama tak kisah lah walaupun berlainan kelas.

Semua benda tu dia sebut tiap-tiap masa.

Lebih daripada "kau semua kena dapat A untuk Econs"

Kalau tak faham erti ajaran sebenar Cikgu Hong, jangan nak berani mengaku kau anak murid dia lah.

I thought this was lovely.

I also thought this was lovelier coming from someone four years younger.

I also thought,

If only every teacher in Malaysia would teach like this.

Then maybe there would be no need for a BERSIH rally.

Because our leaders would be men and women of character.

Part of the sorrows in life comes from knowing what could have been, if only.

attachment fees??

We had to print our own papers - confirmation, insurance, instructions for supervisors, list of tasks, evaluation forms.

We had to spend money (a minimum of RM4 everyday for me) getting to our attachment places.

We didn't even receive nominal allowance (except for the lucky few).

And now we have to pay RM100.80 to UM for our attachment.

"Because our attachment is considered a special semester."

What did UM spend to send us there???????????????????

RM0.60 Stamps? Electricity for the fax machine? RM0.05 on photocopying? 0 seconds from not having to monitor us?

What?

What did they do that could possibly amount to RM100.80???

I don't usually use so many question marks, but this is really mind-boggling.

What????????????????????

who will go?

why aren't we teaching our young people to bloom where they were planted?

why aren't we showing them what's happening in our small churches?

why aren't we harnessing the power of their youth for greater things?


Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying,
"Whom shall I send?
And who will go for us?"


Isaiah 6:8


who will go?

who will go?

why aren't we teaching them to say,

"Here am I! Send me!"

Isaiah 6:8

since then, things have not changed.

we are not teaching the children.

we cannot teach them if we don't first show them.

i'm good at casually making dire predictions.

here's one:

if we don't show them soon,

our small churches will die.

my dire predictions don't always come true because

i don't ever want to be able to tell a friend "i told you so".

what about you?

what will you do about it?

of mak nyah's, sex workers, and abused children.

We were finally allowed to go somewhere other than the courts and the Centre. 

Simply put, my perception of a lot of things has changed.

The transgenders were very nice, very helpful, very friendly. 

I don't condone their lifestyle, but I now see that I've been giving them labels without bothering to know the individuals behind those labels.

A primary school teacher once asked me if prostitution was wrong. I said, "Of course". She replied, "What if she's a single mum, who didn't even finish her SPM, and she has nowhere else to get money for her baby?"

At 11, I'd said that it was wrong anyway.

It's wrong. I still think it's wrong. But 12 years ago, I hadn't thought that it was important to think about how that single mum felt about what she was doing. 

Not happy.

She's not happy about what she's doing.

Nobody writes "sex worker" in the "Cita-Cita" section in that huge report card.

It's wrong. Prostitution is wrong. 

But now that I've met these people, I see that they aren't the only ones who are wrong.

Judging is wrong.

Seeing a need and not helping is wrong.

Sneering at others is wrong.

And the visit to Protect & Save the Children (PS the Children) left an impact on me.

I've heard the stories before - Mum catches Dad forcing his daughter to perform oral sex on him, family friend groping his girlfriend's brother...

Taken from psthechildren.org.my

But standing in the therapy playroom (toys still fascinate me), I thought that it was really sad.

Because toys are supposed to make a happy child happier, not try to heal a broken child.

What do you do when having a big heart isn't enough?

Question of the day as I left the Centre.

it just occurred to me:

This post I wrote about the impromptu speech topic I got in English class:

To what extent has digital democracy or the freedom provided by the Internet led to any improvements in the democratic situation in Malaysia? Give reasons for your opinions.

...is one of the stuff I covered in my academic project.

Ms. Gill had the gift of premonition!

yay, i can go for the committee retreat.

My sense of direction has been tested for the past few days.

Why?
Why?
Why?

Why bother to test something that doesn't exist?

How did I pass Geography?

By remembering the monsoon seasons.

November to March - angin monsun timur laut.
May to September - angin monsum barat laut.
April + October - tempoh peralihan angin.
April - angin Sumatera.

So far, the only time I've used this piece of knowledge was when I attempted to explain why there were no fireflies on a certain night at a certain place.

sheep.

Today's Bible study somehow led to the sermon on the mount again. 

The one where Jesus says to turn the other cheek when someone slaps you, give extra baju when someone takes your baju, go the extra mile, love your enemies...

Whenever it leads to this, Mr Lian always asks the same question:

How can we do something so illogical?

How, indeed.

When someone wronged you on purpose,

When someone lied about you to someone else,

When someone took what should have been yours,

When someone is just so mean,

How do you forgive?

How do you give even more?

How do you not do anything to retaliate?

"God is in control," I replied.

It's what Mr Lian said the first time I attended a study which led to the sermon on the mount. 

Every time I say it, it hits harder. 

Every time I say it, I can't say it very loudly.

Because it's so personal, 

Because it's so real.

Today, Mr Lian added another lesson that I will never forget:

If you truly believe in God, 

you will trust Him.

You must not just believe that He exists,

you must trust Him.

I wrote, 

Father, I cannot.

Truly, 

when it had mattered most, 

if it were solely up to me, 

I think I would have been unable to trust Him.

But praise be to God, 

because it wasn't solely up to me.

He put me in a situation where I had no choice but to trust Him.

Because there simply wasn't any other way to go.

Belief.

Trust.

To believe is easy. The gullible believe many things. And they believe many things many times over. 

But even the gullible fail to trust. 

Coupled with trust,

is when belief becomes faith.

Let not your hearts be troubled.

Trust in God;

trust in Me also.

John 14:1