bread and butter.

Some people sacrifice the very thing that puts bread on the table just so they can show the world they have something to bring to the table. 

They forget that without that bread and butter, they won't be in that position to do such frivolous things. 

Ironic.

series of bad decisions.

Have you ever felt like you've been making a series of bad decisions?

E.g. going "aiyahhh" after you end a call with someone, or "aiyohhh" in the car after you decide to leave Place A for Place B?

I feel like I've been making a series of bad decisions, or at least less-than-ideal decisions.

Went "aiyahhh" after getting off the phone with another lawyer twice today.

Sometimes I ask myself, "When will this learning end?"

I want to be a real professional, a problem-solver, someone who feels like she makes the right decisions all the time.

We talked about this last Friday at Young Adults CG - about what it must have been like for Adam and Eve before the Fall. 

They were completely secure - they knew what they had been created for, no scrambling around in the dark trying to discover their purpose in life.

They were certainly significant - they knew what they meant to God, and they knew what God meant to them. No need to try to be somebody or something in life, because they were already everything to God and to each other.

They were utterly accepted - no need to try to gain anybody's acceptance because they were already accepted by God and each other.

No need to "learn from mistakes" or "grow in character", because God provided all that they needed and assured them of all that they were.

We lost everything after the Fall. We became creatures constantly seeking a sense of security, significance, acceptance. 

Look at your own life, and you'll know it's true. 

Only in Christ can we find true freedom, because only in Christ is everything restored. 

I am secure - I cannot be separated from the love of God (Romans 8:35-39). I am born of God and the evil one cannot touch me (1 John 5:18).

I am significant - I am God’s workmanship, created for good works (Ephesians 2:10). I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! (Philippians 4:13)

I am accepted - I am God’s child (John 1:12). I am Christ’s friend (John 15:15).

I am 
COMPLETE 
in Christ. 
(Colossians 2:10)

absence of courtesy and common sense.

What People Think I Do

Me: "Hi. Can I speak to the lawyer in charge of (ref number), please?"

X: "Ok, please hold on."

What I Actually Do

Me: "Hi. Can I speak to the lawyer in charge of (ref number), please?"

X: "Oh, this case eh. What is it about?"

Me: "I need to clarify certain things about the Draft Index of the Bundle of Documents."

X: "Ok, when do you want the Draft Index?"

Me: "I already have the Draft Index. I need to clarify certain items in the Draft."

X: "Ok, what do you want to clarify?"

Me: "I have certain things I need to clarify with the lawyer in charge. Please pass the call to the lawyer."

X: "Oh, the lawyer in charge is on leave."

What X did that was so utterly wrong

1. Zero courtesy. 

As a matter of courtesy, a lawyer attends to another lawyer at the earliest opportunity. If you're not a lawyer, and a lawyer on the other end of the line specifically asks for a lawyer, you either pass the call to one or tell them that lawyer is unavailable as soon as possible. 

2. Zero sense of responsibility. 

If you are a clerk / pupil / student, and even if you know about the file, ask yourself:-

(a) If you misrepresent the lawyer in charge, and I act on that misrepresentation, who takes the fall? You or the lawyer?

(b) Whose client is it? Yours or the lawyer's?

(c) Who will the client sue for misrepresentation and negligence? You or the lawyer?

3. Zero common sense.  

A person calls (A), and asks for Y. 

X answers the call and insists on answering queries A specifically said were meant for Y.

X realizes at the end of the day that X cannot answer A's queries and says X will ask another lawyer about it and get the lawyer to call me back.

W-A-S-T-I-N-G-T-I-M-E.

NO.

A very wise man once told me:

"We work our best people to the point of inefficiency. That's human nature."

I will say "NO" this year. 

Not to my Master, but to people. 

Yes, I believe that we do all things as unto our Lord. 

But I also believe that not everything is for the kingdom. 

Joining every single committee in and outside church isn't necessarily for the kingdom. 

Saying yes to every single task given to me in and outside church isn't necessarily for the kingdom. 

Doing every single thing just because I think nobody else will isn't necessarily for the kingdom.

The kingdom's work is what I have been called to do. 

And I will say "NO" this year so that I can find my focus and rediscover my calling. 

I will say "NO" this year so that I can truly say "YES" to my Master.

in a perfect world.

In a perfect world, Lily can sit in a quiet room and peacefully put together a draft index of a bundle of documents to be sent to Lily's opponent. Logically, this can be done within an hour at most.

In reality however, 

- Lily finds out that she has to first draft an application supported by an affidavit by her client to compel certain third parties to produce a document in court before the said draft index can be finalized;

- Lily then finds out that she has to first call the third party to find out whether the file is still in Melaka; 

- Lily is then told that the file is thankfully still in Melaka, but the officer in charge of the file is out of town until next week;

- Lily then begins drafting the affidavit and hopes that the client who has to sign the affidavit will be in Melaka and not Johor when it is done, because Lily will then have to waste time sending documents by courier;

- Lily is then interrupted by a clerk who wants to look for a file that was closed 2 years ago; 

- Lily goes into a separate room where there are 3 high stacks of files while the clerk goes into a smaller room with a smaller stack of files to look for the said file; 

- Lily is then almost drowned by one of the stacks of files that comes crashing down when she tries to pull a file out of it; 

- Lily is not surprised to find that the file isn't there;

- Lily then has to create a separate stack of files for the files that have come crashing down; 

- Lily then goes back to the smaller room and finds the file right there in the room and gives it to the clerk who had allegedly searched the room prior to Lily finding it;

- Lily then goes back to work, with a gazillion other things at the back of her mind because she's involved with so many other things not related to work, all of which are due this week as well; and

- Lily is then interrupted by a phone call.

At the moment, Lily thinks that she will react with utmost disdain to anyone who says that lawyers charge too much for their "simple" work and that a law degree is a "lightweight" degree. 

I feel better somehow, 

Talking about myself like these things are happening to someone else and not me.

Wonder if that's why we can read and pray about persecution 

but still live like there isn't any.

Wonder if we can draw that sort of parallel.

I am so sick and tired of interruptions. 

I need that tin can Doraemon gave Nobita to work in when he wanted to be a comic artist!

disappointment.

I thought that the events of the past few days would have helped me be joyful no matter the circumstances. 

But today I found myself utterly disappointed. 

I know my expectations were too high and unreasonable. 

But I'm still disappointed. 

I'd really believed with all my heart that that person would rise about pursuit of ambition. 

=(

I'm still learning not to expect everything of everybody.

Lord of humility, 

meekness and majesty, 

teach me.

mighty to save!

Two months ago, I witnessed two people surrender their infant daughter and their grief to God. 

God chose not to save then.

But still they blessed their Lord and refused to mock Him. 

Their testimony moved me greatly and made me see forgiveness in a new light. 

I had never seen forgiveness displayed in that manner in people so close to me. 

Two months later, I once again witnessed a life completely surrendered to God. 

When she finally understood God's will for her, it was okay even if it meant she couldn't what she wanted.

Even when she was told that she needed to remove one ovary and one fallopian tube, she chose to rejoice and bless His name. 

This very day, God chose to save.

Five doctors who examined her at five different times had managed to commit an "error". It wasn't a cyst. It was a ruptured appendicitis.

My God is mighty to save!

Two incidents of total and complete surrender to the Lord, and He chose to work in different ways as it seemed best to Him. 

That just made me cry out as I drove back to the office, 

"Father, I surrender, 

I surrender to You!"

What if His People Prayed

"What if the armies of the Lord

Picked up and dusted off their swords

Vowed to set the captives free

And not let Satan have one more?"

"What If His People Prayed" by Casting Crowns.

I consider it the great failure of the Church that we have not lost one, but two more. 

The Church includes me.

"Somewhere between the hot and the cold

Somewhere between the new and the old

Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be

Somewhere in the middle, you'll find me.

Somewhere between the wrong and the right

Somewhere between the darkness and the light

Somewhere between who I was and who you're making me

Somewhere in the middle, you'll find me.

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender

Without losing all control?

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, 

Reckless abandon wrapped in common sense

Deep water faith in the shallow end

And we are caught in the middle

With eyes wide open to the differences - 

The God we want and the God who is

But will we trade our dreams for His?

Or are we caught in the middle?

Somewhere between my heart and my hands

Somewhere between my faith and my plans

Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves

Somewhere between a whisper and a roar

Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more

Somewhere in the middle, you'll find me."

"Somewhere in the Middle" by Casting Crowns

We take these caught-in-the-middle feelings too lightly. 

We have underestimated the enemy.

People don't fall in a day.

"Lord, I feel you in this place

And I know you're by my side

Loving me even on these nights

When I'm caught in the middle."

Father, help them pray this prayer,

even on these nights, 

when they're caught in the middle.

camps on working days.

I get the jitters whenever church camp draws near.

Never mind the three days of leave I have to take.

The more terrifying thing is the busyness that builds up the few days before and after camp.


A few days before 

- Trying to finish every single piece of work that nobody will be able to do in my absence. E.g. submissions for a case I handled, legal opinions for files under my care, status updates to clients and non-clients for files under my care, call clients for data to complete affidavits / witness statements / pleadings. (this means if I have until Tuesday to do it, I now only have until Saturday if I have internet to email it to someone and Friday if I have to finish it in the office)

- Trying to finish writing instructions for work that other people may be able to complete for me in my absence. E.g. standard letters to clients, follow up with clients and non-clients on necessary but non-urgent matters.

- Trying to finish telling everybody who might contact me in my absence that I will be away.

- This is the worst: Trying to draft clear and unambiguous instructions for work that other people MUST complete for me in my absence. E.g. file the submissions / Bundle of Authorities that I stayed up all night doing, put together an affidavit complete with its exhibits and file, when to expect a document from court / client, what to do upon receiving it, who to courier it to, what address, who to call on Mon/Tues/Wed, when to forward calls to me, things to do so that when I'm back, I am able to do some other thing that is contingent on the first thing being done.


A few days after

- Trying to catch up with every single piece of work that landed itself on my table in my absence. E.g. incoming matters from clients / non-clients, start drafting replies to clients

- Trying to repair every single mess that birthed itself in / because of my absence.

- Trying to review every single piece of work that I instructed someone else to do to make sure nothing has been overlooked / done wrong.

- Trying to immediately go back to completing that submissions / affidavit that is due on Friday because I've lost 4 days at camp, 3 of which were work days .


All that, assuming that I don't catch a cold or fever after travelling.

And even with that cold or fever, work still needs to be done if it was due yesterday.

Oh well.

It's my birthday.

I'm still up working for a trial i shouldn't have had to handle.

How to cope when people leave the church.

I've been alternating between conflicting feelings over the past two weeks. 

At first I felt indifferent and slightly upset. 

Then I began to get angrier and angrier.

Then the anger subsided for awhile and I thought I should try to see how I could help this person.

Then I got angry again. 

Then I blamed myself for what happened.

Then I got angrier, thinking that it was ridiculous to blame myself for what happened.

Then I began to think: What did I miss? How could I not see it? I failed.

Then I got angry again, this time because lashing out on the person might cause the person to backslide. I felt trapped, with no means to let these feelings run free.

Then I googled.

I actually googled this yesterday:

"how to cope when people leave the church"

This was the third article I read. And it really helped me.

I googled because I am to meet this person on Thursday. I didn't want to go and ruin a genuine friendship and stumble somebody with my unreined anger. But I also secretly wanted to let go of this pain, by unleashing it on somebody else, because the burden of carrying it was beginning to crush me.

"It's hard to leave. It's hard being left."

These opening words were enough. I felt like someone heard me, someone understood how I felt.

"Most who leave don't make that decision lightly. 

They deal with some serious pain when they finally make the decision to go.

It's taken me a long time to hit 'publish' on today's post because, 

when I raise an issue, I like to provide solutions or alternatives. 

But I don't have a solution to this one. 

So today's post is not about answers.

It's a public recognition of our shared private pain.

With the hope that we can find some sort of solace

by knowing that we're not alone in these feelings."

And just like that... the anger melted away. The burden rolled away. The fog lifted. My eyes teared up.

By the time I came to the end of the article, I was ready for that meeting on Thursday. 

No regrets, no anger, no fear, no pain. 

It also helped me understand what that person must have been going through in making this decision to leave. 

The past few months have been tumultuous for our church. Not because anyone rocked the boat in a particularly destructive way, but because the "left behinds" of this church have endured one too many departures. 

Having someone leave because of career options is one thing. Having someone leave because they couldn't fit in seems to send the message that our church did not do enough, that we did not endure, put in, suffer enough. 

In the midst of almost breaking down just trying to balance the weekly programmes with work and other commitments (not counting the special events), this felt very uncalled for. 

How much more can we do?

I could see that question in my elder's eyes as I spoke with him over breakfast on Saturday. It saddens me that someone so energetic and charismatic is now in danger of being cynical. 

Yet, it gave me a strange comfort to know that though we were all seemingly drowning, we were all also silently acknowledging each other's burdens and struggles. But I also knew that we were all too burdened to shoulder another's burdens.

This was the writer's reply to my comment on the website:

"I am so honored that the Lord used this post, 

written from our common struggles, 

to be a help to you to face this very difficult moment.

I'll be praying for you as you approach this meeting on Thursday."

I can't pinpoint exactly why it was so comforting for me to read that article. But maybe that was it - I felt that someone who was going through the same thing, still had enough in him to shoulder this burden with me.

Brothers and sisters, this is fellowship in its truest sense.

"And let us consider 

how we may spur one another on

toward love and good deeds..."

Hebrews 10:24a

This fellowship is what this person will need in that new church. 

It is my duty now in my final ministering to that person, to help establish that fellowship for that person, without which no Christian can possibly survive life in ministry.

Thank You, Father, for this answer to prayer.

shouting.

i really can't stand it when people shout at me.
ruins my whole day.
aih.

How I feel after a two-hour meeting with client to prepare for trial:

Picture taken from www.ottsworld.com

of trust and irresponsibility.

sometimes not doing something you should have done and pushing it to another person does not equal trust (i.e. "I trust that person so much") but irresponsibility.

it's hard to tell the difference sometimes.

but when it happens often enough, it is safe to call it irresponsibility.

trust.

i think we abuse that word too much and don't give it the respect it deserves.

trivial.

we worry about what performance to put up for Christmas 

while our brothers and sisters in Christ are being sold as slaves by the I.S.

On Christ, the Solid Rock I stand.

Do not be conformed to this world, 

but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, 

that by testing

you may discern what is the will of God, 

what is good

and acceptable

and perfect.

Romans 12:2

A friend of mine is getting married in 15 days. 

She posted an account of her journey with her fiance in their Facebook group today. 

Reading it moved me to tears. 

All you people who write meaningful long posts, don't stop writing.

All you people who write Facebook statuses questioning contemporary beliefs and restating true faith in our Lord, don't stop writing. 

You remind us that we don't belong here. You remind us that we don't have to conform, that we can be transformed. 

No matter how bad things are here, the best is yet to come.

No matter how great things are here, the best is yet to come.

There are many ways to tell a story. How you tell it shows what's inside you. 

I was encouraged to see inside Marianne today. 

Reminded me to re-examine my marriage every day, to make sure it's founded on solid ground - my Lord Jesus Himself. 

My hope is built on nothing less

Than Jesus' blood and righteousness;

I dare not trust the sweetest frame

But wholly lean on Jesus' name. 

On Christ the Solid Rock I stand; 

All other ground is sinking sand, 

All other ground is sinking sand.

I QUIT.

Keep this up and I really will quit.

The only person around here who isn't working hard is the only person who should be working his butt off.

siao control.

when you're downstairs trying to finish drafting a difficult piece of submissions to be filed tomorrow and your grandmother is banging on the door and screaming like someone just abused her.

like uncle stefan said, this is not about self-control, this is about siao-control.

seriously, people. 

play more sudoku and word search now. it might save quite a number of people from going crazy (including yourself) when you're older.

in my room right now which looks completely yellow (i hate yellow) because it faces the afternoon and evening sun and has yellow curtains. 

siao control.

facilitate justice, not impede it.

"The Rules of the Supreme Court are intended to facilitate, not impede, the administration of civil justice. In the bad old days in England from where we took our Rules, if you put a comma wrong you were thrown out of court, so strict were they about technicalities. But over the years this strictness gave way to common sense, and every time the Rules were amended it was with the object of removing fussy technicalities, and making it easier for parties to get justice."

-- Federal Court, Tan Chwee Geok & Anor v Khaw Yen-Yen & Anor [1975] 2 MLJ 188



I like this part of the judgment. Sounds like the judge is talking to its reader. Hehe.

facebook.

Sometimes I get depressed scrolling through my news feed on Facebook.

I'm not against having fun. 

It's just...

People elsewhere are getting hanged right after they become a mum just because they're Christians or having their churches bombed or struggling to make ends meet because they chose a life of mission...

...and we, on the other hand...

What are we doing with our lives?

I would think that if we didn't have the willpower and strength to endure what they endure, we could at least live a life worthy of our calling.

The second-years in USM's CF (PKA) did a parody of Frozen's "Let It Go" for their graduating seniors, quoting several portions from the book of Hebrews in the process: 

Very funny, but also very moving. 

The words that stuck with me were:

"On you go, on you go, 

Being Christ's ambassadors

Touching lives, showing Christ

Reconciling the world back to Him

This is your calling

Let the years roll on

We'll all meet in heaven anyway."

The posts I see on Facebook now are the same as if a lawyer were to post his/her views on certain national issues and either get the law all wrong (outdated, overruled or simply non-existent law), wrongly apply the law, state opinions that even a layman can come up with, or worse - opinions that a layman WOULDN'T say simply because it was so unintelligent.

Or an English teacher posting an article which has typs, bad splling, inaccurates grammar or terrible 'Punctuation". (see how it makes you squirm?)

"Nobody's perfect". 

Fine. I agree. I'm not perfect either.

But we could all do ourselves and others a favour by asking ourselves this question before posting anything on Facebook: 

Does it reflect my calling?