aloof.

btw, i'm tryin to do the fishmouth thing
the backdorm boys did for S.H.E.'s song.
those glasses are supposed to help reduce my eyepower.
*yay now i can see!*

Perhaps it's a curse to be able to observe everyone without bothering to care that they know I'm doing it.

Perhaps it's to my misfortune that precision is my passion.

Perhaps I played too much Harvest Moon.

I spent - what - years (?) playing that game. And not just playing - combing the internet for walkthroughs, meticulously observing every character to know their daily schedule, then painstakingly putting together my own walkthrough, precise to the very last detail.

How ironic.

I never finished the game.

I spent my time replaying and restarting the game. Every answer to every sentence by every character weighed and measured before I gave it.

I used to say that playing the game made me a guarded and calculated (not calculative lol). Looking back though, I think that game only brought out the nature that was already in me.

I do weigh my words - heavily - before I speak.

However, I must say that I'm quite sucky at it, and that's why the normal observation of me by others is that I'm quiet. It's not because I'm super introvert, shy, don't like to talk, etc, it's because I'm thinking of what to say.

And not just what to say - how to say it, when to say it, why I should say it, and whether there's a better alternative to say it.

Playing Harvest Moon has just taught me that, unlike a game, you can't restart any event in your life. Once it's done, it's totally done.

There were more times than I can count, when I woke up thinking I had a bad dream. Just when I start to comfort myself and say it was a bad dream, I realize it wasn't. It happened. Things I said, things I did, or failed to say or do.

Harvest Moon taught me that I have to be calculated, precise, careful, in all that I say and do, because I can't do it all over again.

To be honest, I hate the "what if"s that flood through my mind every time I want to say or do something.

People take Nike's tagline "Just Do It!" for granted without knowing how much it means to people like me.

Just do it.

I wish I could.

I wish I'd gone for that national choir competition my choir teacher asked me to go to as their pianist.

I wish I'd played for Ms Fong when she asked me to help with her album.

I wish I'd handed in that essay even when the teacher told me not to.

I wish I'd said that something at that opportune moment. (nothing to do with boy-girl relationship. i know my readers. ah ha.)

I wish. I so wish.

I'm here now, with so many blessings in my life.

I'm in law school, doing what I love, being around words my entire day, saying what I want when I want to without being chided for being bold, having people listen to my opinions and what I think of things.

I have a good church both in Melaka and in Jalan Gasing.

I have a fantastic (albeit out-of-tune) piano in my college that I can jam on anytime I want.

I have an ice-cream stall outside the canteen from which I can buy a double-scoop whatever-flavour-you-want ice-cream for only RM1.50.

I have crazy roomies I can be totally crazy with.

But there is still one thing I don't have.

The ability to let down my guard.

Most people think I despise fun.

I do not. I'm an advocate of fun. Good, clean fun. Ask my roomies. They know.

I just don't like going outdoors or going all crazy outside the confines of my room because I don't like losing control.

I hate having crushes on guys because I don't like the fact that their every word and act governs my emotions.

I hate talking loudly and unnecessary body movement because I'm the number one ambassador of calmness and collectedness.

I hate reacting to things because I don't like the fact that something can rattle me.

I don't smile very much because there have been times people didn't return my smile. It's childish, but it stuck. Like a tum-tack to a bulletin board.

Listening to Chelsea and her stories of her close relationships with her teachers and friends, and watching her close relationships with the people in the faculty...

Frankly, it doesn't help very much.

I wish I could be like her. Carefree and jolly always. It's not that I'm not. It depends on where I am and who I'm with. And whether there's food in front of me.

It frustrates me that people don't see it that way. That most people will never see that part of me.

Most times, I feel like I'm standing aloof, watching a crowd of people enjoying each other's company while an invisible barrier stops me from joining them. And that's why I stick with my cameraphone, the only item that acknowledges my views and my perceptions of life without me having to say a word or change a fragment of who I am.

I don't feel like being bubbly and cheerful all the time. I don't feel like making funny comments about what people say and do all the time. I don't feel like making quick and comedic gestures all the time.

Do I have to? Do I need to?

There are people I love being around. Because with them, I don't feel like those things I mentioned are things that I do. They're just me.

If I be not mistaken, Sarah blogged something around these lines once. Ah haha.

Anyway, I feel the need to tell people who feel uncomfortable around me (I can tell from your body language and eyes ok): What you feel is my guardedness. I'm not that scary. Talk to me. I don't eat people. I only eat beef, chicken and fish.

Anyway, here're the tags I got tagged with.

Yen's Tag - My Fridge

Creative right? Oh *bangga*.

Like I told Yen, as much as I would love to, I haven't been able to smuggle a fridge into my college room. Hence, this is what my mental fridge looks like. Try to decipher it. Huhu.

Elena's Tag - 6 Six Things

Six Things I'm Passionate About.

- Understanding the Bible and Christian living
- Words
- Knowledge
- My favourite food
- Precision
- The fact that any number less than 10 should be spelt in full (tho i don't always do it. still tryin to fight my obsessive compulsive disorder concerning accuracy, you see.)


Six Books I Read Recently

- Princess, Jean Sasson
- Daughers of Arabia, Jean Sasson
- 1 Timothy, Paul
- 2 Timothy, Paul
- Law of Torts in Malaysia, Norchaya Talib (haven't finished still kira rite lol)


Six Songs I Can Listen To Over and Over Again

- Mary Jane, The Click*Five
- Part of Your World, The Little Mermaid
- Drowning, The Backstreet Boys
- Don't Wanna Miss A Thing, Aerosmith
- It's All About You, McFly
- Whatever It Takes, Lifehouse

(it must be clarified that these songs are the songs i downloaded from youtube and are the few songs i have on my com and therefore listen to every single day because i can't live peacefully without music)


Six Things I Learned This Past Year

- People are not Harvest Moon characters
- I love Law, it's everything I expected, and beyond.
- I can say something lame without a single mark of expression on my face
- I don't like black fish (especially the one in college)
- I can still swim
- I have a wedding to attend this Saturday and I don't know what to wear


Six Valuable Things I Own

- My heavy Study Bible + spiritual diary (they must come together)
- Jeans I can fit into
- My love for language
- My love for words
- Mr Acer
- A lovely bed that's nicer to sleep on than Chelsea and Liverpool's =P (tho technically I don't own the bed unless I buy it from the college but what's the point?)


Six Bloggers I Tag

Mau, Yen, Chen Li, Sarah, Sis, Shaun. (kenalah kau semua =P i spare pei ling ah ahhaha)

it's nice to not do this alone.

plus.

hello, buddy.

congratulations for making it this far.

haha.

I got a new cup. (after i broke the last one *paiseh*)

i looked. i saw. and i knew it was the one.
"jie, i got feelings for this cup."
"oklah, buy lor."

Fear not, for I have redeemed you
I have called you by your name
You are Mine.

Isaiah 43:1

Was just thinking in the bathroom.

Seniors always tell me that chambering is completely different from studying law in university. It is beyond what I can possibly imagine now. I struggle to grasp that concept.

Is it very much like how one can attend so many BGR talks and be so informed about marriage, and yet walk into married life one day, look around and say, "Yoh, this is way beyond what I imagined"?

Or is it very much like how one can attend so many sermons and be so informed about God, and yet walk into heaven one day, look around and say, "Yoh, this is way beyond what I imagined"?

Someone once said that perhaps in heaven, music can be seen.

To see music, grasp it, hold it, and enjoy it tangibly.

Having perfect pitch means I "see" music. It's in my head. Like whenever I listen to a song, I "see" it in my head. Notes floating about in the air just waiting to be caught. I see them. I reach out, and catch hold of them, one by one. Then I place my hands on the piano, and I place each note where it belongs.

But still.

Seeing music outside the mind. That is beyond imagination.

I watched an episode of Star Gate SG-1 once (me = big fan of sci-fi series). There was this bunch of people from some super advanced planet, and they had this radio-like thing that could translate feelings from one person to the other.

Cool, huh?

He has made everything beautiful in its time.
Also He has put eternity in their hearts,
except that no one can find out the work that God does
from beginning to end.

Ecclesiastes 3:11

Mayhap this eternity that is in our hearts truly exists in the eternity that is prepared for us in heaven?

Trapped.

Neh, this isn't one of those "I feel trapped" posts.

I WAS trapped. In the bathroom.

With a shower that trickled every few seconds.

And then I bathed with yellow water.

Ah.

Joy.

On the brighter side...

I have Photoshop!

Though the price that comes with it is well... pretty much like bathing with yellow water.

And so here I am, trudging on, photoshopping with my unphotoshopable photoshop skills.

This is one of those moments I can say I tried to do something (but failed? hope not.) I can't really do.

Anyway, I went to watch the Lantern Festival event in the college. The video was awesome. Awesome means I laughed my head off. I enjoy watching comedies (immensely), but I don't enjoy watching comedies in the cinema. Why watch an RM9 comedy by celebrities in the cinema when you can get the same deal *FREE* with lay actors in other public places?

-from here on I may blog in bullet form except without the bullets cuz I malas-

I listened to Anna play the piano for Vivian the way I taught her, and I couldn't help feeling a bit bangga. Heh. Not because I'm a good teacher (because I readily admit that I'm not), but because she's a good student. She completely developed the technique I taught her. Fuh. Macam Naruto.

We finished preparing the case bundle for our mooting exercise next week, and I must say it's been such a joy representing a client who wants to claim for infringement of his freedom of speech because he's not allowed to drop a car from his helicopter to demonstrate its solidity and fine suspension.

I went to the Footstool Players' drama, That Crazy Little Thing Called Love again. I went with Chelsea, Evelyn, Jason, Jira, Liverpool and Louis this time. Sam Leong and Su came round to drive us there, and I got to experience the get-people-to-fetch-me-and-pals to church event thing again. It was kind of nice to not be the one cracking my head over transportation and driving around fetching people.

Not that I don't miss playing host.

...

Ok, I don't miss it that much.

But I don't really mind it either la.

It's just that playing the guest is way easier than playing the host. Even when I socialize with people in PJGH and Life Chapel, all I do is smile and be nice and responsive when they talk to me. I don't have to worry about making anybody feel welcome or comfortable when I talk to them. Most of all, I am in control because I can choose to feel welcome or unwelcome.

Is this what I was meant to do?

I do find it easier to bring people to church and events by being free to mingle and run about as I please, instead of being tied down in church as a committee member or as a member who's supposed to socialize.

I went for Law CG on Wednesday. I don't know why, but I felt an ease I've never felt before in CG. I didn't judge their every word and gesture, but found myself wishing I could write down every single one of those in my handphone's notes. They weren't lame or loud anymore. Have they changed? Or have I?

I went for PKVUM on Friday. Uncle Phye Keat (Ms Choong's husband) spoke on Atypical Hypocritical, which means "a type of hypocrite", not "a typical hypocrite". It was a very profound and applicable talk, and I found myself filling both sides of the handout with blue ink.

I went for Youth Fellowship on Saturday. I was weaved into Jason's class by Juen. Sam (Lee) chuckled and said, "Bye, hwei, have fun in the underaged class" before he ran off to the - I don't know - aged class (there, snubbed you) with Anderson. I was introduced to the 5 people in the room, and I really can't see how a class with a 28-year-old, a 20-year-old, and three 19-year-olds, makes for an underaged class. I wonder how old the people were in Sam's class. Hah.

The class is doing a series on Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Last week's lesson was on Passionate Love. I missed it. Because I was in Malacca. The one I attended was Words of Affirmation.

YF wasn't what I had expected at all.

Firstly, I am now known as Sharon. Time is too short to tell you why.

Secondly, it was only when I was with those people in that little room that I began to wonder when I had last bared my soul to another. Not just my diary or my blog. To another person. Something alive that I can understand and be understood by.

It was a good time of sharing, and I was moved by the sincerity and genuineness with which those boys and girl shared. I'd never thought I'd find a guy who can actually be honest abouthow he feels.

My criteria for a guy is #1 Christian #2 Malacca boy #3 Right priorities. The fourth, which is an implied term, and which is implied by the officious bystander test (ok, ignore all that), is honesty and genuineness. He must be someone I can perceive to be a man, and yet call a boy. So few of those around. The Gazebo scene in the Footstool drama remains the one scene I can really relate to. The words of the wife ring through my head:

I feel like you've let me love you more in the past 5 minutes
than I have ever loved you in the past 5 years.

I went to PJGH on Sunday. As Ruth, Pei Win, and I walked in, the elder's wife walked past us, and greeted me. My two friends looked at me oddly and Pei Win asked,

"Did she just call you Manchester?"

Ah. Long story.

To cut it short, I found the PJGH-ians at YF uber friendly, and for the 3 hours I spent there, PJ felt like home.

I know I have built a reputation of "criticizing Jalan Gasing" among PJGH-ians (aha), and prolly got some PJGH-ians reading also, but I don't care! Nyeh nyeh. =P

I didn't mean to condemn anyone anyway; I just write what I see, the way I see it.

It may well be that I have been blinded by home-sickness, or maybe I am blinded now, but I shall now write what I see:

I see MGC right here in Jalan Gasing.

And here's the way I see it -

Maybe MGC flew over in those two days, maybe not. But this I know - there is new motivation for me to continue to try to be a good, responsible member of Christ's body where I am. There is a ministry here which has a single empty place for me, and it is my duty to fill it.

As usual, this post about Jalan Gasing will end with a summary of names:

Anderson,
Cheng Sze,
Desmond,
Ei Leen,
Eu Bing,
Geng Yi,
Grace,
Jason,
Jon Lee,
Juen,
Kie Ron,
Pei Win,
Richard,
Sam,
Shing Lung.

What these names mean to me I shall keep in my heart and ponder as I click the Publish button.

tummy-aching in kemahiran maklumat class.

oh, who got the tummy-ache-giving power?

*groan*

Chelsea Insisted.

gigi putih. =p

Hwei Is Wise

The strongest offense is that which comes from within.



Therefore,

If I got to choose a super power...

I would choose to have the power to inflict people with tummy aches.

yeah, i realize that phrase would be a lot cooler
if i illustrate it with stuff like low self-esteem, depression etc.
but hey. the aim is to break out of monotony.
Though,
don't ask me why I didn't choose the power to give cirit-birit,
stomach ulcer,
parasite in the brain
or whatever.

Disappointed

I came back anticipating a Bible Study after all the hungering for it in PJ.

To tell the truth, it was a disappointment that they cancelled Bible Study for a barbeque.

*Note*

I am not seeking to promote controversy or disrespect or demotion of anyone, especially not the leaders.

As I said, I have been thinking, and I do not want to lie about what I think.

It felt much better pouring it out on paper, but I suppose I shall have to pour it out on a real person.

That will be done, don't worry.

I'm not going to set about begrudging anyone in my heart and behind their backs.

by the way,  i got selected for an ad campaign!

but i turned them down cuz it was alcohol-related.

bummer.

but i think there's still some campaign going on in the ad.

i think la.

ish. i know all you ppl out there dah biasa get selected.

ceh!

Time to claim my freedom of speech as this blog's author

...and to just be really blunt with what I think and feel.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and having non-Christians as roommates means that I mostly have to do all that thinking by myself. So here's me thinking aloud.

Note: I'm gonna just talk like you people aren't here (and like you know what I'm talking about).

These are times when I feel like using the phrase, "You earn respect". I don't understand how people can go around expecting to be respected just like that, just because they are in a certain position. Yeah, you get respect alright. Positional respect. Meaning I respect you because of your position. But to go as far as to respect you for who you are - your character, personality, principles, integrity, infallibility? Neh. You earn respect for those things. Earning means you work and labour for it. Respect is something I take very seriously, because I had some experiences when I was much younger, that taught me - albeit the really hard way - that people don't just hand respect over to you.

I don't like to fight, argue, quarrel - whatever people these days call it. I prefer to have everything done in a peaceful manner. Everyone's happy with everyone, compromise here and there. Better yet - don't compromise. Better to have everyone tetiba and somehow happy with the other naturally without having to alter any part of their principles.

Fairytales. How we love 'em.

There's one thing that brings down the little protective, contented fence in me, though. Or maybe two:

#1 When people are being plain ridiculous. I either laugh at them or raise an eyebrow at them. Then I say something.

#2 When people are putting down somebody else. Usually someone I really care about. (if i don't care about you then too bad la. yeah, that's how i am. you're not shaking your head cuz that's prolly how you are too. yay.)

But bah, cuz I wasn't around when all those ridiculous things were happening back home.

I went for youth on Saturday, and came home wondering when the ISA got into the church. A Christian ISA, that is.

Elders are priests, just like every one of us. They're in the leadership position to oversee the sheep, but they themselves are sheep. Just maybe extra wool or somethin'. Jesus Christ is the Shepherd. How many times have we gotten that wrong? The elders are not some mega Hitler person we need to tiptoe around. Yeah, respect the elders. But has anyone ever stopped to consider that the elders spoken about in Paul's letters were worthy of their calling?

Thought simplified: What do you do when you don't think your leaders fit the requirements in 1 Timothy?

I confess that I'd never really really read 1 Timothy. So when things like the position of a deacon being portrayed as substandard to an eldership position happened, I was given the impression that deacons are like 2nd-in-command, probably to do more of technical stuff.

But there I was one day, reading 1 Timothy 3:1-13:

Here is a trustworthy saying:

If anyone sets his heart on being an overseer, he desires a noble task.

Now the overseer must be above reproach, the husband of but one wife,

temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach,

not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle,

not quarrelsome, not a lover of money.

He must manage his own family well

and see that his children obey him with proper respect.

(If anyone does not know how to manage his own family,

how can he take care of God's church?)

He must not be a recent convert,

or he may become conceited and fall under the same judgment as the devil.

He must also have a good reputation with outsiders,

so that he will not fall into disgrace and into the devil's trap.

Deacons, likewise, are to be men worthy of respect,

*author: you are worthy of respect, then you become a deacon. not the other way round.*

sincere, not indulging in much wine, and not pursuing dishonest gain.

They must keep hold of the deep truths of the faith with a clear conscience.

They must first be tested;

and then if there is nothing against them, let them serve as deacons.

In the same way, their wives are to be women worthy of respect,

not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything.

A deacon must be the husband of but one wife

and must manage his children and his household well.

Deacons are in every way equal to elders.

Every way meaning position, character, blamelessness, lifestyle, and duty.

Thought simplified: Is it okay step down as an elder and take up deaconship instead?

Isn't this sending the message that "it's ok if you can't make it as an elder, still got a little bit qualified to be a deacon"?

When I asked Mum about it, she said: "If you study the requirements, you'll find that those are the qualifications of all Christians."

It didn't solve the peculiarities in church, but that helped. It took my focus off other people and onto myself.

Thought simplified: Am I qualified?

(and perhaps strange things have happened because i'm not the only one who has been brisking through 1 timothy 3)

But then somemore things bug me.

How is it that you can create a policy out of thin air, impose it on other people, and then break it yourself a month later?

And nobody will stand up to them (or maybe, just him), that's for sure.

Somehow, people stand up to innocent, honest people who are actually sitting down, so that they tower over them, but let jerks get away with bigger things.

Back to that issue of a Christian ISA - it's time for us to speak up.

Speaking up is often associated with "lawan tauke" in our society.

You say something against the majority, you're being lawan tauke.

You raise your hand to speak after sessions when people don't normally say anything extra, and you're a problem kid. (not referring to youth meeting)

You look your leaders in the eye and tell them what you think (which is normally contrary to what they just said), and you're susceptible to being black-listed.

You raise a question about why you have to do something out of the norm for a youth camp, and suddenly you're the one who's supposed to explain why you don't want to be imposed with something out of the norm. (we should be asking you why you wanna do something out of the norm. isn't that the natural thing to do? LOL.)

Ridiculous, ain't it?

We make so much noise about how the ISA in the country is yucky and mucky and stuff, but in our own haven, where everyone is equal in the eyes of the Shepherd, we act like we're under some Freedom of Speech Act.

Sensitive issue?

Didn't we scoff at our beloved Prime Minister when he said that?

Should we not scoff at ourselves now?

All the more, me thinks, because we condemned someone for it, and did it ourselves moments later.

Oh ya. Another thing.

A wants to have a word with B. But somehow A doesn't want to be the one to call (as ridiculous as that sounds). So A wants B to call A. But then even more ridiculously - A tells C to tell B to call A. The laugh is at the part where C is not even related to A, like living under the same roof or something.

If I asked Shaun to call Chen Li for me, at least Shaun can pass the phone to me when he gets the fella right?

What's the point of asking, say, Jessica to call Chen Li for me? Then Chen Li will have to call me after that right?

Worse - I want to tell Chen Li something, but I ask Jessica to call Chen Li and tell Chen Li to call me so I can tell it to her.

And it's even more hilarious if Chen Li obeys and has been trying to call me a few times, and even sms-ed me, but then I don't pick up, and don't reply, and then I call Jessica again and tell her to call Chen Li again to call me.

You'll be amazed how some people can actually do that.

And no, it's not Jessica, Shaun, Chen Li, or me doing this redundant triangular exercise.

Ah well.

I was practicing for debate once. I thought of a point the opposition might raise, and asked my debate teacher what the answer should be to a question they might raise. He shrugged and said something I'd never forget.

Lesson learned: When you simply can't figure out an answer to peculiar happenings, just say:

"Well, there are a lot of crazy people in the world."

mgc = sampat

Yeah, as yen said, can't really tell who's who. Kekeke.

p/s: i think i'll look good as a superhero. =P

Random. Maybe.

someone offered to take a photo of the photographer.

thank you.

it's like I've forgotten how to smile for the camera.

My life that is forever intertwined with the piano

Guess what? Bluetooth adapter has malfunctioned, and so I can't upload any pictures. Ah well. Sila tahan post ini yang padat dengan perkataan dan completely void of pictures. Terima kasih.


Met Sam Lee in PJGH today! He's back from his superlong-May-till-Sept holidays.

Me: You don't play the piano here?

Sam: Yeah, I do, actually. Thanks to my friend (emphasis not mine) who told the music director that I can play. And so I play the bass and the piano.

Ohhh ok. Who's the music director?

Tuuu, that one. I can introduce you to him, if you want. And then I can let it slip that you can play the piano.

-_-

-paying up at the counter after lunching with Sam, Desmond, and Cheng Sze-

Sam to Desmond: She can play the piano very well.

Desmond: Oh izzit ar? Good good.

Me: Oi, Sam!

Oh ya, he's the one who got me into playing the piano.

Revenge la nie?

Yup. Kekeke.

Although I have no idea why I'm the one who terkena the dendam against Desmond.

Ah ha.

That actually reminded me of Friday's CG at Ms Choong's place.

I took a seat next to Grace and left Geng Yi with the sofa (which he'd probably have to share with 2 others).

Geng Yi: Oi, let me sit la.

Me: You sit on the sofa la. Muahaha.

-sometime later, while waiting for the rest to arrive-

Ms Choong: Ohhhh ok, ok. Tse Hwei will play then.

?_? + o_O

Come, Tse Hwei, sit at the piano. We can start already.

I looked at Geng Yi, and guess what? The dear fellow was standing beside Ms Choong (i wonder why) and snickering, albeit sheepishly.

Faster go sit at the piano. Then I can sit your place. Kekeke.

-_- !

Anyway.

I joined the Jeremiah CG at Ms Choong's house, just to make an attempt at another means of berkamcheng-ing with PJGH-ians.

It felt so much like Malacca - All that sitting around waiting for people to arrive when we already thought we were late, using the Spectrum of Praise for singspiration, feeling tempted to drop a pin in the moments of silence during the discussion just to see if it could be heard, the makan and discussion of movies and politics around a dining table afterwards...

Ahh. Good ol' Malacca.

I was quite afraid before going for CG. Especially after all that Geng Yi said about the CG having 20+ people, about the CG being very serious (somemore cannot wear shorts? apalah) and only a few people talking wan etc. (that happens in the Bible study back home too ah ha...)

But as Anderson* closed the session in prayer, I told God, "God, I can do this. Thank You for bringing me here."

Yeah, everything was quite Malaccan except for the fact that we had no fish-head noodle soup and there was no studying of the Bible. Hmm.

I shared about the importance of the Bible to me. It's funny how the Bible has suddenly become the one link between me and my identity as a Christian. I don't go to church 4 days a week anymore. I don't plan youth programmes or troubleshoot problems in the youth. I don't play the piano every time there's something on in church. I don't help to wash dishes. I don't need to play host to anybody. I haven't been explaining anything about the Bible to anybody. Haven't been encouraging and listening to a brother or sister's sharing.

I've lost it all. All that had made me feel like I wasn't just a pew-warmer or a regular attendee in church, or truly a servant of the Lord.

How do you feel like a servant when you're not serving diligently?

How do you feel like an older Christian when you're not exhorting a younger one?

How do you feel like a disciple when you're not discussing the Bible?

How do you feel like a Christian when all you do is attend church?

Ahh.

This is truly a step out of the comfort zone.

I'd always thought that being out of my comfort zone meant serving till I dropped. (cuz I'm pretty lazy and lethargic)

But here, God reveals that being out of my comfort zone is actually not serving the way I used to.

Uncle Min Choon shared last Sunday that we always think, "Must come to church and get involved only can do something for God". I never fully realized the reality of that until I found myself in it.

It's a struggle to remember why I am a Christian, and why I go to church.

Not because I do Christian things, and not because I need to do Christian things.

Such a simple truth that I'd always taken for granted.

Oh ya. Sang a wonderful song in church today. Was so captured by the lyrics.

I hear the Saviour say,
"Thy strength indeed is small;
Child of weakness, watch and pray,
Find in Me thine all in all."

Lord, now indeed I find
Thy power and Thine alone
Can change the leper's spots
And melt the heart of stone.

When from my dying bed
My ransomed soul shall rise
"Jesus died my soul to save"
Shall rend the vaulted skies.

And when before the throne
I stand in Him complete
I'll lay my trophies down
All down at Jesus' feet.

Jesus paid it all
All to Him I owe
Sin had left a crimson stain
He washed it white as snow.

All in all... Dad was right.

A church is only as good as the member of the church who takes it upon himself to take care of you.

In this case...

A church is only as good as the members of the church who take it upon themselves to take care of you.

Thank you, Cheng Sze, Desmond, Geng Yi, Grace, Ms Choong, Pei Win, and Sam.




*one of the youth advisors. trying to get to know the people thru devious means, like matching the names in the bulletin to the people upfront. hey, have to la. how la am i supposed to go up to the church members and ask them their names? tak kena tempat. ish ish.

note: dialogues and events penned down (or typed) according to author's own perception and interpretation. success in sueing for inaccuracy or misstatement is highly improbable.

note 2: i did not forget Juen and er Shanny. this post is based on today and fri. hee.

random statement: i am now the "girl with currypuff crumbs in her hair". don't ask me why.

random statement 2: desmond taught me the secret to getting past level 1 of Desktop Defence. sam shook his head. bah.

I went for CG in my former contract tutor's house

Then I remembered a verse, and it went, "In your anger, do not sin." A sense of peace flooded through me. I knew what I had to do, and my spirit was calm.

What is it about the Bible that does that to us?

What is it about the Bible that affects us the way no other book does?

Anderson, Petaling Jaya GH, Care Group

It's different

It's different when you're in a room of 34 law students.

The other committee groups I've been in will skim over designs and details we usually call "trifles".

Here, every detail was expounded in even greater detail.

I must add that I've never seen so much passion and conviction in any other committee meeting.

Everyone speaks up.

I felt like Chelsea and I were one of the only ones (besides the rest of us in our bureau) who didn't talk.

People who know me will know that I rarely speak up when the situation calls for it the most. I speak up when someone is very obviously twisting a Biblical doctrine. I speak up when I'm in MGC's committee meeting. Sometimes. About stuff I know. Like washing the dishes.

But I rarely speak up.

And to my shame, I confess that I rarely speak up even for my friends.

Every word is mulled over and contemplated, every tone and gesture carefully calculated before I form them in reality. What if's flood in every time I want to say something.

Hence, I always walk away from a meeting feeling dejected, stupid, and emotionally down. Because I never say what I want to say, or what needs to be said.

Today, as the chairperson asked for a show of hands, I showed my hand. I waved it in the air like I was losing the school bus.

"Can I say something?"

I can't remember the last time I spoke that phrase.

I did say something. I said something for me, my ideas, my ideals, my friends' ideas, ideals and efforts.

I don't know if the claps that came after I sat down were sincere, or if they were just a mockery of what I had to say (which was quite a lot, i can tell you), but I felt much, much better after saying it all.

Only ten of them (excluding members of the high committee) voted in my favour, leaving 18 to vote for the other option.

Sucky. Maybe I made some people a little disgruntled. But still, I could keep my head held high, because this was one of those times I had said all that I wanted say. Everything.

Everything.

I thank my friends for their support. Especially Chelsea. T_T (not that i don't appreciate the rest of them, but before my 'speech', i asked chelsea which one she would vote for, and she'd honestly been saying the other one was nice and all, so... i take her vote as a very loyal and noble gesture)

As for the rest, I wouldn't hold it against them. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I just hope they'd had carefully and neutrally considered their decision after listening to my mini-speech.

Ahhh.

In such a mood to read those 2 cases for tomorrow, 3 cases for next week, 5 cases for assignment, and 8 cases for Tort now.

Lalala.

er no, this was not a vote for presidency or whatever.
it was something else, which i'm afraid i can't reveal.
oh ya, that reminds me.
i discovered a drink called Whatever, and another one called Anything.
marketing strategy, huh?

talking about men

liverpool: follow feelings wan mah...

chelsea: cannot follow feelings wan! you must have a list of requirements then only you get the benar-benar berkualiti wan!

manchester: must have feelings also!

chelsea: ya, but must have list!

manchester: yeah, but then the list cannot too rigid la. like want the hair how and how or what.

-silence-

chelsea and liverpool: eh you are the one who says want guys with long hair.

manchester: o_O


then mulalah the laugh-at-tsehwei-for-a-full-minute moment.

Footstool Players.

Really. Totally different from what they did for "Walk His Trail".

Less (much much less) narration, more acting.

Less serious, more funny.

Less historical, more relatable.

Title of drama = "That Crazy Little Thing Called Love".

Website: www.footstoolplayers.com

For those in PJ area, Life Chapel's hosting it on 12 October, and Petaling Jaya Gospel Hall on 2 Nov.

Die also must go.

Uncle Dex asked me what part was most relatable to me, and I said the one about the prison (not telling you guys what "The Prison" is all about tho. no, it's not about some mother visiting her son in prison. hohoho.).

Pokoknya...

I agree that it's frustrating when a guy refuses to let you into his brain, no?

They just can't understand that not letting you into their brain = not letting you into their lives.

I also know what it's like to feel like you're a disappointment to someone you care about.

I have also sung songs to Jesus when I was crying in the bathroom.

All in all, the most relatable scene to me.

Besides the 2nd last scene (i know, i know, grammar salah).

Public: What's the 2nd last scene?

Not tellin'.

Ngwak ngwak.

That's it.

I'm bringing a bus-load of friends to the one in PJGH.


*edit* plus i also understand what she meant when she said "I'm trying to tell you how I feel". it doesn't happen very often. once the door closes, it never opens again. usually. yeah, there's always the share-again-with-the-person-to-help-each-other-grow thing, but being afraid of having the door slammed into your face again kinda makes things a little different. cuz when you share for that purpose, you're not being vulnerable. being vulnerable with another person helps you grow far more than you can ever imagine.

on another note, unc D said something profound: "You took the trouble to invite your friends, and I must play my part as a host to them."

good philosophy.

shall apply that in mgc.

by the way, take a look at this award-winning (seriously) video:

i'm writing in lower case

i think i should...
i think i have to...
i think it'll be the right thing to...

to be one's self as one likes.

how sad it is when that right is denied.

it's like having to stand when i want to sit down.

it's like sighing at my perfectly clean book when i want a piece of paper to fall out of it.

it's like not hearing what i want to hear.

worse still, it's like hearing something i don't ever want to hear.

it makes me want to look away.

look away and just be sombre.

sad.

solemn.

but that's not who i am either, is it?

to be one's self as one likes.

ah.

the pain it instills when that right is denied.

trust His heart when you can't trace His hand

All things work for our good
Though sometimes we don't see
How they could
Struggles that break our hearts in two
Sometimes blinded to the truth
God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
When you don't understand
When you can't trace His hand
Trust His heart
He sees the master plans
He holds our future in our hands
All our hope is found in Him
We see the present clearly
But He sees the first and the last
Like a tapestry He's weaving you and me
To some day be just like Him

Babbie Mason, Trust His Heart.

saw this on a friend's blog.

wat i did to prepare for exam. ohya. plus the smiley face badge i promised.

Perfect Summit

ah ha. it's a detective game. sort of. quite lame la.

he has a funny beard, no?haha...

Adventures of A Cow

clicked on this game because chelsea likes cows. ah ha.

supposed to like save a poor cow from a cage or something.

never made it to the cage tho. liverpool quite cekap at this game. lol.

oh ya somewhere in between...

liverpool: "ms lim *yang sedang khusyuk bermain game*...

you're wearing your shirt terbalik."

The Cake Quest

another lameo game la. you have to eat cakes to become fat in

order to fart your way through stone walls and to speed run.

but you can only jump high high if you're thin so kinda have to

plan a bit. i had fun farting. =.="

seoks sent me a mooncake via pesta tanglung dedication.

last but not least, this is the smiley.

don't ask me why my face and neck are super red and my hands and leg super white.

This is what I'm doing now. ^_^

New school semester:





At the first week:






At the second week:






Before the mid-term test:






During the mid-term test:






After the mid-term test:






Before the final exam:






Once know the final exam schedule:






7 days before final exam:






6 days before final exam:






5 days before final exam:






4 days before final exam:






3 days before final exam:






2 days before final exam:






1 day before final exam:






A night before final exam:






1 hour before final exam:






During the final exam:






Once walk out from the exam hall:






After the final exam, during the holiday:

'tis an email i got from a friend