The End of STPM, The Beginning of Complacency

Yeah, it's all fine and dandy to plan all sorts of wonderful and interesting things to do while I'm going through STPM. It's quite another thing to actually be done with STPM and be faced with all those wonderful and interesting things I planned to do, which are suddenly not so wonderful and interesting anymore.

It's just like that story Mum told me about Dad: Every time he had to take his ACCA exam, he'd start formulating plans about setting up a chicken rice stall and drawing comics. After his exam, he'd be spending most of his time sleeping and reading comics.

If I used to wonder where I got my slackiness from, I'm not wondering anymore. =.=

I don't have STPM to push me on anymore! It's like there's this big gaping hole in my life right now. Gahhhhh~~~~~~

See? I don't even have anything to blog about anymore. The days of recent political news from En. Hasan, updates about the country's CPI and economic growth rate from Mdm Shirley, stimulating discussions with Pn Vijaya, hours of brain-cracking over silly mathematical equations and inequalities with Ms Sheow and Mdm Chah, and
heart-pounding moments of pop-quizzes on entrepreneurs and franchises with Cik Norwati are over! Done! Never to be experienced again!

And I'll never write a single word in that notebook again. The one I reserved for jotting down every single joke and funny scenario in A3.

Anyway, let's digress from this depressing work of Lamentations The Second, if you may call it that.

Ju and Yen said my blog is mostly FACTS. Cold, hard facts, as Holmes would say. Nolah. Not so cold and hard. They're just soft and warm facts. Stone me, all you literature people, but it's my way of manipulating the language. Cold and hard facts represent Sherlock Holmes to me. They are the ambassadors of people with cold, incisive, calm demeanours and voices. Cold, hard facts lack the element of romanticism, they lack drama. Soft and warm facts represent Dr Watson and other people who are unable to tamper with the facts, and yet add a touch of romanticism and humanity to otherwise bland facts.

I believe that I am neither cold nor hard, and I most certainly do not speak in an incisive tone. Even if you would disagree with me being an advocate of soft and warm facts, I have reason to trust that you would disagree more with me being an ambassador of cold and hard facts, probably to the point of it being impossible. As Holmes often remarks (impatiently, I would note) to Watson:

"When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever is left, no matter how improbable, has to be the answer. And from there, we work."

Enough with all this or I'll be called a cold and hard factual person.

Made it this far?

Pat yourself on the back!

Good morning!

P.S. I just realized that I can't use the 'today in skul' tag anymore. Isn't that sad?

BERSIH March for Electoral Justice 2007

For those of you who don't already know, the BERSIH March for justice in the electorate system was held on 10 November 2007, despite a ban on the march by the government and the Prime Minister himself. You can find news about it all over the place:

• International Herald Tribune - Malaysian Police Detained 245 People After Thousands Rallied for Electoral Reforms
• Asia Sentinel - Malaysian Petitioners Defy the Police
• NST - PM: Rally A Move to Draw Monarchy Into Politics
• NST - Leave Us In Peace, Say Batu Buruk Residents
• BERSIH Website
• Wordpress (Blog) - 10 November March Was An Opposition's Staged Circus?
• Wordpress (Blog)- Beth Yahp: Open Letter to Abdullah Badawi

Rally - Yellow Yellow eh why got red wan

In light of this latest event, I began thinking of whether it is right for Christians to participate in such events. After all, are we not told to "submit ourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake: whether it be to the king, as supreme; Or unto governors, as unto them that are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers, and for the praise of them that do well."? (1 Peter 2:13)

"Submit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every authority instituted among men: whether to the king, as the supreme authority, or to governors, who are sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to commend those who do right." [NIV]

Do we rally for electorate justice whilst Christians elsewhere suffer in silence and don't even rally for the right to live? The largest "rally" they had, so to speak, was the Right To Justice petition by the Barnabas Fund.

I'm not saying that we should be indifferent to any social, political or economic event in the country, for it is better for us to be well-informed than to be like katak di bawah tempurung.

But should we be partakers of such demonstrations?

What of living at peace with everyone?

"If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."
(Romans 12:18) [NIV]

Or is that verse applicable only when the disturbance of peace has to do with our brothers and sisters in Christ? Does that mean we're free to not live peaceably with the-other-"everyone"s-out-there-who-are-not-Christians? Does holding the demonstration in a peaceful manner justify the nature of the demonstration?

Come on, hwei, I mean, look at these guys! The current government doesn't commend the right and punish evildoers! What - are you blind?

Nope. I'm most definitely not blind. And I'm not here to brainwash you with answers. I am one who is looking for answers myself.

...For the Apartheid rule would have lingered had Nelson Mandela not led the anti-apartheid movement.
...For India would be nowhere today had Mahatma Gandhi not "led nationwide campaigns for the alleviation of poverty, for the liberation of women, for brotherhood amongst differing religions and ethnicities, for an end to untouchability and caste discrimination, and for the economic self-sufficiency of the nation, but above all for Swaraj - the independence of India from foreign domination*"

And the corruption and lack of ethics in the judiciary system do stick out like a sore thumb (or thumbs). My friends in law schools have been telling me for eons that the biggest contributors to the drop-out rate in law schools are those who plunge in with dreams and visions of upholding justice.

But the Tragedy of 13 May still troubles us.

This riot was a tragedy indeed. What if a demonstration which started out peacefully was thwarted somewhere along the way and produced a similiar outcome? Nay, some loudly protest. Some say 13 May would never happen again. It was a set-up by the government, and it may well be true. Some deny it vigourously, and some say you don't have to think hard to know why. Scams by the government. Set-ups. Journalists unable to write without fear or favour (to quote Beth Yahp). Media manipulation. Media control. A government for the powerful few. And of course the ever-important issue of preferential treatment.

Bad, bad government.

If we have reason to grapple the government in our relentless hold, and spit our steaming and honest accusations on it (or her), who is to say that we do not and cannot have reason to do the same to those who go against the government?

Do we really think that were Mr. Anwar Ibrahim in the place of the current Prime Minister, there would have been no such demonstration on 10 November 2007? Let's rewind to before 10 November 2007 for a minute. There are other questions to ask:

Would he allow the demonstration to proceed?
Would he hack the BERSIH website?
Would he allow the police to fire tear-gas and chemical-laced water at the crowd?
Would he be just?
Would he be democratic?
Would there be substantial eradication of poverty and corruption?
Would there be electoral justice?
Would he deny electoral injustice?
Would we surely have religious freedom?
Would we finally be able to claim the rights we have been deprived of for so long?
Would the International Herald Tribune finally have something nice to say about our leadership?
Would things really be different?

How different?

Now, Tse Hwei, this is not the way to blog. The rally wasn't all about Anwar Ibrahim. You're being totally irrelevant. You PMS kah?

If we can deduce that the government rushed the election date to early 2008 to keep Anwar out of the elections, I don't see why we cannot deduce that Anwar Ibrahim had more than a small part to play, and probably a hidden agenda in all of this.

Forgive me for being judgmental, but aren't we all? We may spurt words and churn blog entries and letters and call them opinions, but as always, God does the best name-calling, and He does always give the best names.

After all, are we not pushing for liberalisation? I am liberal indeed.

Back to my confusion.

Is it alright to "shy away" from things like this (as one friend describes the attitude)? To say "I'm a Christian, so I'm supposed to submit to the authorities. You non-Christian guys go ahead. Heartiest congratulations and heartfelt sympathy in advance, whichever may be relevant to the outcome. Goodbye!"?

On the other hand, were we to take part in such demonstrations, who are we to say for sure that the people we're backing (good and right as our intentions may be) will do good for the country? That they do not have hidden agendas? That we are not merely pawns and batu loncatan's for them to gain power? If they manipulate us, then manipulate the media after they gain power through the elections (democratically, as they say), no one would be the wiser.

What, exactly, are we hoping to gain from all this? Meritocracy? Democracy? Justice?

Perhaps we would be the justice-hopefuls who eventually drop out.

Enough with the debates and speculations about the motives of the rally organizers and the government. They know very well what their motives and purposes are. The question is whether we, who are vital in either of them achieving their goals, realize where we are headed when we do the things we do, and whether we hold a substantial amount of truth when we back someone in their campaigns. Once a pawn, always a pawn. Until you make it to the other end. And who knows where that is?

The way I see it, God Himself will determine the outcome of this movement (yeah tear me apart, all you people who wince at this word).

I suppose I shall have to wait and see if this event becomes a topic in Malaysian history books, or merely a page in Wikipedia and the like.

Then I will know for sure if the writers of all those letters, blog entries and articles who enthusiastically embraced the gift of discernment and visions really knew what they were talking about when they claimed nobly to know what is best for the country.

*Wikipedia - Mahatma Gandhi

No Mushy Titles Here

I went to SK St. Francis to pick Ken up from school today (dodged here and there to get past the little kids who were running about everywhere).

A long line of parents and older siblings lined the railing outside. It was still only 15 minutes before the dismissal bell. One would ask:

Nothing better to do ar? Never pick your kids up before ar? So early for what?

Yeah. One would think that parents who picked their kids up everyday would be able to time their arrival time just right by now.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not thinking that. There's a reason why I was there to see that line of people waiting 15 minutes before school dismissed. Duh.

When you're in the sort of situation where it gets awkward when you make the slightest movement because then everyone looks at you, there's really nothing better to do than to observe stuff. And in that sort of situation, you really get to observe stuff... Like the 2 secondary school boys (one would question that, based on their behaviour) shooting imaginary bullets into the air and throwing imaginary buckets of water over the fence.

Screw the irrelevant details. Let's start again.

Ahem.

...Like the fact that there were probably 2 kinds of kids there today.

1. The "I can't wait to go home, dad where are you? I'd better get ready to run, woohoo!" kid
2. The "Dad's not coming anytime soon, I'll just play in the canteen first, woohoo!"kid

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRINNNNNNNNNNGgggggggggggggggggggggggggggg

Ooo~ The bell. (may have been overdramatized)

Kid #1 sprints towards the school gate with a burst of energy that prompts the 2 boys to exclaim:

Wahhhhh never go home before izzit?

I do wonder. Have they forgotten what it was like to rush towards the school gates when the bell rings?

The adrenaline. The joy. The excitement. The anticipation. A long day at school is too much. I want to go home!!

And when you pass through the gates, you realize that your heart's pumping like it's never pumped before (or so you think. It pumps like that all through your childhood days of running around). Or maybe they'd never experienced it before. Pitiful people.

Then there is the kid who nervously clutches his bag and strains his neck for a glimpse of his parent or sibling. Whichever. The one who'd take him home, anyway. The awful moments of waiting and watching for Dad comes to mind. Brrrr. The longest wait was 4 hours, by the way.

Then I see a little boy with rabbit teeth and a yellow-red bag, not near the fence, but a distance away, trying to peer over the fence from his rather distant position from the fence itself. Of course he doesn't see the one who can bring him home. He's too far away. I watch as he turns and mopes away. I take after him and push my way through the string of kids, trying to keep my eyes on him for as long as I can.

When I finally push through the crowd, I realize I've lost sight of him. I walk towards the canteen anyway, and see him searching his pockets, for a RM0.20 probably (=D so cute!), near the payphone. I call to him -

P&P. Pause and Ponder. It's amazing how it always happens the same way -

Ken!

Little head turns. Little face smiles. Little feet start running.

The call. The turn. The smile. The feet.

But only if I call his name. And only if he knows my voice.

If I called out "oi!" to you, would you turn? If a stranger called out your name, you'd turn, but would you smile?

How interesting to note that we learn the most valuable lessons from little children.

When the Lord calls, He calls you by name. And He expects you to turn, smile, and move your little feet. But sometimes we miss out on the call. We don't recognize His voice. We answer a stranger's call instead.

And sometimes... we don't even listen for His voice.

Like kid #2, who, by the way, was crouched on the ground in a circle with a bunch of friends. Crouched and distracted from the moment the bell rang to the moment Ken and I walked hand in hand out the school gates.

There's no way He can't find you when you wander further than you should. For He looked for you before you were born, and He seeks you out still. There's no possibility of Him being 4 hours late. For He waited before the world began, and waits for you still. There's no excuse for not hearing His voice. For the familiar voice rings loud and clear above the noise of the world. There's no reason for not knowing it is Him. For He calls you by name.

When the Lord calls, turn, smile... and run. Run like you've never run before.

And after all that adrenaline, joy, excitement and anticipation, slow down and take a walk, your hand in His, and walk on home.

Nutty Nuttiness

Sis was recently harassed by a Malay girl. She got a few smses and not a few 'silent' phone calls from the devastated girl. The first sms went something like this:

"Aku tau... abang aku ada perempuan lain..."

Buahaha.

I carried out a survey on the different kinds of reactions people would give to this fact. Some of them are:

~~~~~~~~~~~laughter~~~~~~~~~~~

Äiyo kesian!

Har? Really ar?

Abang as in brother or boyfriend? Boyfriend not pakwe meh?

Then? Then?

Is CK dating a Malay girl?????????

Guess who?

mark la ...

My Notes on Facebook

I do errr note (can't say 'blog', can I?) on Facebook, and I've decided that the contents on both my Facebook err notebook and Blogspot blog will be different.

I have the cruel desire to jam up net traffic by causing people to use two sites at once buahaha.

The Facebook notebook can't contain all my la-li-lo-soh writing the way Blogspot can anyway.

So drop by on Facebook once in awhile and read if you have nothing else to do.

Of course, you should always read the Bible, study or help with the housework if you really are free...

On second thoughts, don't drop by Facebook la. You shouldn't even be reading this. Away with you, procrastinator!

Raya, Raya, Ini Saya lalala

*In a Shaun-tone of voice* haha...Finally got the chance to update this blog..been about a month since I last updated this blog and here it is now..the new updated blog of mine with...

Nah. I'm not planning to snip my brother's post.

It's funny how Raya brings back almost the same number of people as Chinese New Year. It's like they celebrate Raya too or something.

Anyway, most of the Malacca-turned-KLian-MGCians came back for the Raya holidays. The Siew Fook Ming's, Lim Gim Yuen's, Siah Tuck Bin's and many more of the adults were in church today. As for the youth, Sharma, Mel, Chen Li, Ah Zheng, and Darel were around, and even our dear Oliver came back from Indonesia!

Nostalgia, nostalgia... there I go again.

I keep reminiscing about the past, knowing at the same time that I cannot possibly go back. Won't want to even if I could. The possibility of facing again all those awful moments I experienced as a young girl far outweighs the joyous possibility of correcting a wrong I did in the past.

Allow me to enter my random poetic mode while you skip this next paragraph all the way down to the next one~

A past long gone but not left behind, a future planned but not embraced. Ain't that what we're all made of? And to think that every second of the present was planned for in the past... Too many times have we failed to embrace the future and left it instead to rot as a past well past but not forgotten. When I was still my moaning, groaning, complaining self, a friend often told me to let go of the past and to push forward and do what I could to make a better picture of the present and a better shadow of the future. It is only logical that we should embrace this present moment, with the realization that it is a future we planned for in the past.

Yeah. Done. What was that, you ask? Well, don't you ever say random stuff?

What was this post about again?

I knew I should've snipped my brother's post.

We Meet At Last

Yeah, except without all that implied drama.

I know I said updates would be up after July, and I know what I said implied August, and I know you know all that, but I also want you to know that I've been busy in August. And well, September.

Tse Hwei? Busy? "Buahaha" would be the word of the day for people who know me best.

I mayn't have been busy with the normal stuff people are usually busy with (like work, studying, chores, homework, assignments...) but I do have a problem with sleeping too much. Sis said that the reason why I'm always tired and lethargic is that I channel all the energy gained from sleeping into resting. Got that?

It's like I use up the immense energy I get from sleeping more than 7 hours a day into resting the next day. So it's like I work at resting.

Not as in resting is a place I go to, like when I rest at work, but as in I make a conscious effort to channel energy into resting, so resting becomes a verb and work (distance x time).

Anyway~ enough with semantics.

I spoke at the youth meeting last week, and I got the youth (it's funny how it sounds like I'm calling a bunch of people 'youth' and it sounds like I'm not a youth anymore and I'm calling them 'youth' because I'm not one of them. Yahhhhhh stop this!) to each write 4 essays for me. If I don't fall asleep after blogging here, the post about it should be in the MGC blog. I'm trying hard to bring up the younger youth and let them know how important they are, and how important they can be in church before I have to leave Malacca next year. I had so many role models for me to observe and watch when I was their age, and I want them to be able to have the same experience. There isn't much time left and the burden of that realization grips me more and more each day. I keep getting so worried about how the guys (whom I currently view as boys, by the way) will be able to lead the church when Dad's generation passes them the sceptre. I mean, most of them don't even know doctrines!

And as I ponder it all, I eventually ask myself why a girl is worrying about it when the adults and men should be worrying about it more.

And then I answer myself: "If Priscilla did write the book of Hebrews, there isn't a reason why I shouldn't be thinking about all this and doing something about it. I'm a servant of the Master too, you know."

What is it with people asking questions that they have answers to?

Oh ya, I'm no longer the president of the CF club in school, and I'm currently enjoying the privilege of being a regular, normal member who can ask plenty of questions during each session without being expected to answer them. Yeah! Life is good. =D

If I blog anymore about MGC or CF, Derk will begin to say that my life revolves around church and CF.

But it doesn't. I have STPM to worry about too. Not that I'm acting worried or anything right now. I mean, my lack of worry worries me.

Wut? Never mind.

I think I must be pretty worried to be writing so randomly today. Or maybe it's because I'm supposed to be studying and doing my homework instead of blogging.

Sis is back this week, Sin Yee, Mel and Teng are coming back next week. Ju's gonna be around for 3 months, and Uncle Siew is coming back next week too.

Happy as I am to see MGC-ians back for the holidays, I'll be happier if I could see MGC-ians flocking back. I miss everyone so much... Everytime I look at the empty pews in church, it's as if those pews are saved for those who are supposed to be sitting on them. But they're not. They're not around anymore. Some of them will be gone for a very long time. Some of them are never coming back.

I think I slept too much. All this nostalgia is suffocating me.

But I still miss MGC-ians.

I miss every single one of you who are reading or not reading this blog right now.

The MGC blog is probably the only thing that keeps us connected, so please drop by once in a while to let me know you're there k?

Tse Hwei speaks to herself again.

Good evening to no one in particular~

I am so sorry for not updating this blog.

Tse Hwei speaks less nowadays eh?

My time is taken up with all the silly and unnecessary co-curric stuff that we have to do in school in order to get an equally silly but not so equally unnecessary cert to get into university.

Sis just reminded me again that I need to begin concentrating on a study plan for STPM already. The principal gaily announced that we're gonna have our school trials early August. Couple that with the REAL trial somewhere in the same month or a month later and you have a hundred odd F6 students dying in MHS.

You'll probably hear from me again after July's over, meaning after Hari Koku, which literally marks the end of all my co-curric troubles. Or the start of it. Depending on whether I manage to scrape up 5 main activities for CF.

I disagree with the school's shallow definition of an active club. Hmmph. Will grumble more about this after July.

Well, at least I have something to look forward to --> Song En's wedding on July 21!!

This wedding is really meaningful to me~ Not just because I can go and sharingan some wedding march techniques off the wedding pianist k.

Song En was my piano mentor for awhile when he was in MGC. I really really love his jazzy Because He Lives and his awesome Bridal Chorus. His notes were the ones that helped me through the Bridal Chorus that I had to play for Beng Hui's wedding.

There's always something about a friend getting married. It's like I'm feeling so happy for him and all but there's this really tugging realization of a new life blossoming somewhere. Of course that somewhere is where the newly weds will be la, but it sounds nicer if I say somewhere. Like, somewhere. See? That's nice.

I don't know if it's just me or what. I get excited so easily. I mean, I get excited every time I hear the siren of an ambulance. I'll go: Whoaaaaaaa someone's dying!!!!!! But at the same time, I feel so heroic cuz I get to move aside to make way for the speeding ambulance. It's like I get to play a part in saving someone's life or something.

Even when I swim, as I race towards the wall, I feel like every stroke of my freestyle becomes the stroke of some great swimmer in a movie. I can almost feel my own heart pumping and that heartbeat song (sorry to potong stim but I really dunno the name of the song) that's in almost every heroic movie.

That's all we humans live for, isn't it?

A sense of heroism, a sense of playing a part in some adventure, a sense of an extraordinary-ness in our lives.

Well, thankfully, we Christians have a chance to be heroic. We're a people on a mission, after all. Buahaha.

Was just thinking about Robin Hood the other day in church. And as I thought about Jesus, and how He travelled around, healing the sick, upholding justice for the helpless, feeding the poor, saving people from death... it just reminded me of Robin Hood himself. And I began to think of Jesus as Someone more than a gentle fellow who walked around with a worn cloak and dusty sandals. Jesus is my very own Robin Hood! Jesus was and is a hero, in every sense of the word. Literally.

Since we were made to become more like Jesus every day, maybe God incorporated a bit of that into us - the spirit of a hero. Little heroes we may be, but heroes nonetheless. Little heroes like Little John, Will Scarlet, Much, and George-a-Greene. Little heroes who were pivotal in bringing the legend of Robin Hood to life. Little heroes who didn't take the centre-stage but pointed towards the real hero in the spotlight.

I don't know how I got this far, but anyway, I'm excited about Song En's wedding. =)

And I'm a little hero.

And I shall end with a heroic laugh.

Mua-ha-ha!

Melancholy

I'm feeling much anger today.

I shall refrain from elaborating so as to refrain from sinning in my anger.

Ignore me, people.

I just need to say I'm angry.

I'll be fine tomorrow.

A New Life, A New Start, A New Day Everyday

As I plucked off my share of the bread for the Communion today, I picked the crust.

So?

That's probably what you're all thinking. Heh.

Yeah, well, the thing is you need to know how I used to pick my food. I always picked the tastiest-looking chicken during dinner, hoarded the juiciest piece of mango during desert and tore off the insides of any bread I got cuz it's always the nicest part, since the crust is just awful to me.

Yup, selfish me.

What sis told me when I was younger struck me though. She described all the stuff I wrote up there la, then she proceeded to say (as usual) that she always took the un-nicest part so that she could leave the best to us.

That sort of didn't sink in till much later la.

Anyway, when I picked the crust today, I realized that although I'm still quite a selfish person, I'm less selfish than I used to be.

Usually when I pray my personal prayer for the bread, I have trouble thinking of what to say. Cuz I don't really keep His death in my mind all the time, so when I come on Sunday, it's difficult to think of His death as other than something done a long time ago. Today, I realized that His death changed my life. Not just the selfish aspect, but many other aspects of my life. I don't know what kind of person I'd be if He hadn't come looking for me to make friends with me, but I'd probably be someone I'm disgusted with if I could see that "myself" right now. And then it struck me that I have a chance to change every day, to grow better each day, to be a better person, to improve everyday because I have this God who enables me to do so. There's always another to try harder and to try again, and there's always hope of a better me in the future or maybe tomorrow because my Jesus died for me on the cross!

Suddenly it wasn't that hard to pray that personal prayer anymore. I think the best part that God enjoyed most today was seeing me realize all that: That I can change everyday, that it's not impossible to become more like Jesus because I was created in His image in the first place. Today I realized what I knew in my tiny brain all this while but failed to know in my heart - that God is content with just listening to my heart. That's what prayer's all about! I don't have to decide between Manglish and proper English when I pray, or apologize for using the wrong words when I pray (yeah, I do that. I'm that polite. Perasan haha~).

Indeed,

We will use the words we know
To tell You what an awesome God You are
But words are not enough
To tell You of our love
So listen to our hearts

And I don't have to keep trying to imagine Jesus carrying the cross or dying on the cross to remember what He did for me every time I take the Holy Communion. That's like so rigid. That's so like me.

Anyway, a new life, a new start, a new day, everyday! I shall change that part of me bit by bit, starting today!

When Uncle Anthony gave thanks for the cup, he said: "Thank you for this new life that we can have in You."

Today was the first time those words melted my heart. Thank You, God!

Plus He tegur-ed me and said that since His 2nd chances for me will never wear out, I should give other people 2nd chances also. And 3rd chances. And so on, till 70 x 7 times and beyond. Haha. That's what Jesus meant when He spoke to Peter, I guess. That His 2nd chances for us never wear out. And so we must do the same for others. Got the message, Father.

May each day be a fresh new day for me, Lord, that I may never grow weary of Your love and Your 2nd chances for me. Amen!

Updates on Robin Hood

Hi. I'm having The Pain right now. Just dropped by to say that Robin died.

A very ho lin death.

Good ending to the legend + book, though, as I told Pei Ling.

Thumbs up to Roger Lancelyn Green.

But Robin died.

Now I'm toilet-bookless.

Buh-bye.

7 Deadly Sins - I Am A Sloth

Greed:	Very Low
Gluttony:	Very Low
Wrath:	Very Low
Sloth:	High
Envy:	Medium
Lust:	Very Low
Pride:	Medium

Discover Your Sins - Click Here

WordPress Blog

Oh ya, about my WordPress Blog, I didn't realize that I hadn't changed the privacy settings. So it was previously set to allow only self-recognized users la. So I've changed it cuz Pei Ling and Yen Mei said that they couldn't access my blog. Many apologies!

Anyway, now you can just click on the Back to I Speak link at the bottom when WordPress prompts you for your username and password.

That's all!

Oh, and MGC-ians, please make sure to access the MGC blog k!

Farewell, MMU-ians!

Yup. The MMU-ians left today: Chong Keat, Rebecca and Mun Yee. Stephen left for Subang after the Children's Hour Sports Day yesterday. We were supposed to have a farewell makan for the MMU-ians after the morning ministry today, but the lunch that they were supposed to be yao kui-ly eating turned out to be a brunch that they didn't eat quite so yao kui-ly. I personally felt that it wasn't exactly the best farewell we've held since Geng Yi left. I can't help feeling I could've done something more for them today, but I didn't. Partly cuz I didn't know what it was that I was supposed to do la.

I am so going to miss them. Probably hasn't sunk in yet, but next week, the youth and the church as a whole will be feeling the ache and pain of losing some fine members (to quote Uncle Kian Boon in his message today). We'll probably be seeing CK some time in the future (an expressive *wink* to we-know-who), Mun Yee will be coming back to get baptized in MGC, and Rebecca will come back some time soon too to see Mark (^_^). But MGC will feel the loss nevertheless. Especially since I'm quite sure Stephen wouldn't be visiting very often.

Quite mean of me to say this, but I'm glad Mark was kept back =P If you're reading this, don't marah me eh ^^; Oh ya, that reminds me. Mark gave me the Manga Messiah today. It's the Jap comic version of the story of Jesus. It's really nice! And it's also really nice of Mark to give me something that I like so much. It really touched me when I asked him what was the occasion for giving me the book, and he answered simply: "No occasion. Just knew you like comics." Awwwwww~ Maybe Rebecca made the right choice after all =P

I still remember - about 2 years ago - the time when CK bluffed me about the MMU-ians graduating that year. It made me really sad cuz I'd just gotten used to them. Then after I'd moaned and groaned and sulked, he laughingly said (over MSN) that he'd been joking. He then proceeded to laugh at me and say that Stephen would be so psyched to know about my super big reaction =( After that I told him that I wouldn't be sad anymore when they really left. Well, true enough, I'm not as sad as I was then. Perhaps it's also partly due to the fact that they haven't really been joining us in our activities in their final year. But I'm sure I'll feel really empty and lonely next week haha...

I'll miss...

• ...Stephen's kata-kata ganda berima --> touching-menouching, syabas-shimabas sampai terbabas, and other such stuff
• ...CK's crazy stunts and straight-forward comments
• ...Rebecca's nice and sweet and funny jokes and comments, and...
• ..Mun Yee's crazy laugh, her helpfulness and her discipline and zeal in seeking God

But it's not like we wouldn't meet again right? How glad it is for every Christian to know that we never really have to say goodbye. There's always that final place where we'll see each other again. I pray that you will all grow strong and stay strong in the Lord. May our God lead you safely to heaven! See you there!

The Adventures of Robin Hood by Roger Lancelyn Green

I actually posted some very long stuff about this yesterday, but some glitch occurred and now it's gone. Hmmph. Anyway, to do Pei Ling justice, I shall repost this topic (public: awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww another long postttttt).

Pei Ling gave me this book as a belated birthday present cuz she knew I was looking for it. The weird thing is she found it in One Utama, the very place I'd combed through to find it. Sabotage! Hmmph.

Anyway, this book really isn't what I expected. Not that it's a bad thing. See, I've been reading The Adventures of Robin Hood by Howard Pyle, and I must say that the two versions are truly different.

Why the many versions, you ask?

I was wondering the same thing. Well, I read the introduction (yes, I read introductions) by Roger, and it seems that Robin Hood's tales actually either consisted of ke le fair or rather supporting roles in other great legends and myths (e.g. Maid Marian, Ivanhoe), or some grave recitation of his death and downfall. Being a re-teller of legends and a great fan of classics, Roger (people usually use his last name but I'm using his first name like he lives next door) pieced together poems, plays and other "fantastic" literature to come up with his own rendition of the legend of Robin Hood.

Howard (there I go again) focuses a lot on Robin himself, a.k.a. Robert Fitzooth, son of the Sherwood Forest Ranger and Caretaker of the King's Deer (forgot his dad's name). Roger, on the other hand, spreads the focus to include a wide range of characters and their backgrounds that were formerly rather neglected (my opinion only, do not kill me, Howard fans) in Howard's version. Also, Roger's version makes Robin and Marian's wedding (which was rudely interrupted by a Sir Guy of Gisborne, who was never even mentioned in Howard's version) its real introduction (the story of his birth all that is like pshaw only la), whereas Howard focuses on Robin's childhood and how his father's death built him into the hooded protector of yeomen.

And in Howard's story, Marian is like this really gentle and puteri lilin-ic girl whose main role is just to stand around and look pretty. In Roger's version, Marian can fight as well as Robin with a quarter staff and shoot as well as his men with a long bow. I know this Marian was portrayed in another show la - Sinbad or something? Always wondered how she got there though. Hmm.

However, I have to agree with one reviewer's view that Roger lacks life in retelling the tale. It really almost seems as if he's writing the words from another script and just recopying it all. At times, the battle scenes are intriguing, but at other times, the narration and dialogue exchanges are rather bland.

Anyway, although I haven't quite made it past half of the book since I only read it in my um special place, I can confidently say that this book will make for quite a good read and I'm glad Pei Ling got it for me.

I'll get you something for your errr... belated birthday gift! Wait for it!

Ultraman Dance (Reprisal)

CK's so gonna kill me for this ^_^

Light Saber Duel

Star Wars itself may not be that good... but its "supporting merchandise" make for good penggalak jualan. Haha~

Oh ya. Announcement eh. I've just rediscovered my WordPress blog. I'll be posting there more often, I guess. The features are a tad nicer =P

DMSJ Is Over

Yup. And we got into the Top 3 list. Yeah!

I'm trying too hard to be like Ah Zheng. That is so not what I would say.

I would say something like: ...

And then I would ask how the participants are taking it, what's going on over there in Johor (I couldn't go because I had my MUET exam on the day of the quiz), how much the difference in score was, and other such things.

Today Auntie Tina and Auntie Jennifer were expressing their views about this latest major thing in our church. They obviously didn't have much faith in MGC's standing in the quiz. Or maybe they were just expressing such indifference because they were trying to cover up their disappointment that is of course actually due to the fact that they actually hoped we could get more than the last placing in the quiz. I mean, that's what I do anyway.

Auntie Tina had never witnessed the days when we still had the fight in us (she wasn't around for the first few quizzes). So I suppose her lack of faith is quite justified. But Auntie Jennifer has been around for quite some time. Except she didn't exactly turn up for all the quizzes la. So her lack of faith is probably due to the fact that she usually watched from the sidelines while we struggled up there. News of our defeat or victory was just news to her, I guess. Even if she was there, like the time we won in our hometown, I think it was just a quiz victory to her. I'm thinking something crazy right now, which is that this kind of represents what goes on in the Christian world, if such a term may be used. We never quite work hard as labourers in the harvest field until we experience God for ourselves. Not just through hearing about Him in sermons or remembering the many bad things happening in the world and in our own lives. Those who've witnessed for themselves and who've supported us with their whole heart and soul every second of the quiz would continue to hope in the strength of the team, no matter how many times the team loses. They shout for joy and groan with the team throughout the quiz and when defeat is in sight, they sigh with the team, but go down fighting with the team. They whoop sincerely when victory is in sight. Every moment of suspense is passed with pounding hearts. But to those who are only there to watch, more is said than felt whether the team wins or loses.

Long-winded, I know. This is my superb strategy to get whatever few readers I have to shy away from my blog. Muahaha. And I'm hoping most of you have already moved on to another blog or website and are not reading this part right now cuz it would mean 2 things: that my efforts have failed, and that you now know my strategy. Oh bah!

Alright, now that the number of readers has been reduced quite significantly (I hope), I can actually get down to the main dish for today.

I spent most of the week feeling irritated and trying not to feel irritated.

1. I was very irritated while preparing questions for the quiz.
2. I was and am very irritated with the fact that although fewer people are reading my blog right now, I know that I still can't blog everything about the quiz here.
3. I was irritated when people assumed that I am a totally free person with nothing to do and with nothing much to study cuz I get better grades.
4. I was totally irritated with the tap and shower in my room which would suddenly reduce significantly their capacity to provide me with the water I need to bathe and brush my teeth.
5. I was irritated because I knew that there are people who go through more than all that with joyful hearts and thankful souls.
6. I am so irritated by the fact that I got irritated.
7. I am irritated because this list seems to be a round thing that doesn't end. Bah!

God is probably irritated with my irritating rumblings. After this entry, I never want to see a word with "irritate" as its root ever again.

I am seriously odd. Not as in a serious person and odd at the same time, but as in very odd.

Well, anyway, since most of the youth went down to Johor yesterday for the quiz, the remnants of the youth (and 2 young adults muahaha), namely me, Yik How, Adrian, Ah Zheng and Mel helped out in the Children's Hour. Ah Zheng came back just in time to be chosen =P as the songleader for the day. Adrian did the game; I played the piano; Yik How, Mel and I took the Mandarin class. Do I hear "Whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"s? Nah, I probably hear "harrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr"s more. Well, your response is well justified and well received! After yesterday, the little me in my brain is probably thinking that Mel's Mandarin is better than mine. I sincerely thank God for moving Yik How and Mel to help me yesterday. I'm ok with teaching a crowd of children, but I am so not ok with teaching one-on-one or one-on-two (?). It's like Dad also. He speaks super nicely and eloquently in English, but when he speaks in Mandarin it's just so weird and like sebiji-sebiji wan (although he's now preaching in Mandarin). I mean, not really berketul-ketul like mine la, but not as nice lor. Recently, my classmates have been asking me about God, Christianity, and the Bible. I do pretty well explaining everything to my friends who can speak English sufficiently well, but I have serious trouble talking about Christ to my Chinese-ed friends. It's like haiyoh... there's this guy who asked me to bring a form for him to fill so that he could become a Christian. I told him that that ain't how it works, and tried to tell him the Gospel (what better chance than that huh) but my Mandarin was just too koyak for that. I mean, my basics are ok la. But stuff like salvation, repent, sin, accept, Saviour, eternal life... they require more than just reading Chinese Class textbooks! If God's trying to tell me I'm going to be involved in some way or other in the Chinese ministry, I think He's thrown enough hints man. I hear You loud and clear, Father~

I was feeling so tired after staying up doing the quiz questions and taking my MUET exam with a dizzy head that I went for the Children's Hour with an equally dong-dong head (Shaun had even helped me set the questions twice cuz I was simply too tired). After the mandarin class thing, I felt even more down cuz I felt I hadn't done my part well. Nicole (the little girl I was teaching - Yik How helped me teach Chai Ho) wasn't responding very well. She kept shaking her head and saying she didn't know anything after I'd explained the story of Jonah to her with all my might and strength (and with the aid of pictures! Not I draw wan la of course. She lagi tak faham). She seemed to respond more enthusiastically to Mel (who is, by the way, an Eurasian). I felt so totally helpless and useless. Sigh. The reason I felt even worse was probably because I hadn't thought that I would do that badly. I had too much confidence (actually not much, but it's relatively much). Yes, God, thanks for the lesson ~

But after that, Ah Zheng messaged me and said that he'd really enjoyed the whole thing yesterday cuz it cheered him up after spending most of his days studying and home-aloning at home. Yeah, that odd term has his copyright footnote stamped on it. That really encouraged me (the message, not the odd term). I think Adrian and Mel enjoyed themselves too. Auntie Yu Ming definitely did. She's been so bogged down by the weight of this ministry. I'm sure it gave her great encouragement to see that there are people who actually care about this ministry too. Yik How finally has a reason to come to church and not play those ball games in school on Saturdays. After his message, I saw that the reasons for me to be happy should far outweigh the reasons for me to be down. Auntie Kiat Tin's been saying that Ah Zheng's stressed out with his course, but I've never been able to do anything about it (cuz he wouldn't talk much about it except some touch and go stuff tsk) but yesterday I felt like I helped him a little bit. And having so few people in church made it much easier for me to talk with the remnants of the youth. So I guess it really was worth it.

Oh ya, I went out with the class for Pey Yein's (monitor) birthday on Thursday. I went to Amigo and The Wings Cafe for the first time! (I was like the only one dot dot dot) Wan Ting and I had to sit with the guys at the far end of the 4 tables joined together cuz we were late. Wan Ting had to go to the doctor's, and I was too buta jalan to get to Amigo myself. I was actually in Melaka Raya before that and even saw the sign leading to Amigo cuz I went to Adrian and Ah Zheng's houses first but couldn't go to Amigo myself cuz well, I decided I'd save a little more getting-lost petrol that day. Eating with the guys was fun. As usual, Aaron was playing the gossip-bug with his latest news and updates on the "troubles" in class (to give him a little more credit, Wan Ting asked him first la). I've noticed for quite some time that Aaron and some of the other girls make crude remarks about Doreen whenever anything that has to do about her is brought up. And it's also quite noticeable that they bring up something about her even when she's not there, as if on purpose, for the aim of gossiping about her. When Aaron denied disliking Doreen, I remarked that he talks bad about her a lot. He denied that too, but moved on to talking about his quarrels with her. And he ended with the statement: "Actually our class no problems wan. Seems like got problems but actually don't have."

I fail to understand how a long speech about why he doesn’t want to have anything to do with Doreen supports that last statement. Hmm.

As usual, Ming Suan passed a remark about how the class wouldn't have any problems with him around, and Derrick threw some friendly insults at him, Wai Kee laughed his head off (like tikus, seriously), Kian Tiong laughed that kuai chai laugh, and Aaron just "hehehehehehe"-ed. Benny was of course at the other end of the table with his dear Jennifer, and Han Sern was somewhere being quiet. The guys taught me how to cut my chicken chop (-_-) and had a firsthand experience of my disgusting play-with-my-food habit.

Eating with the girls... well, it's not like they aren't fun too or that I dislike them or anything. But they tend to gossip a lot about Doreen when they're together. And whenever something is said in her defense, they just dismiss it and change the topic. Next thing you know, they're at it again in another outing. I'm not saying the guys are free from all this gossip and bad thoughts stuff, but at least when they come together, and if they're asked, they tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Ok, perhaps it ain't quite that much truth, but at least they speak their mind and listen when we tell them to think of the case in another light. Like Aaron was telling us he understood why Doreen was so childish (-_-) = it was cuz she's a single child and she has no freedom to do much of anything, just like him when he was younger. So Wan Ting and I told him that if he really understood how she felt, he was the best person to begin treating her nice. He protested at first, but after that he kept a little quieter and thought about it. Don't think he'll start treating her nice, though, but at least he didn't do that whole smile-and-agree-politely-but-actually-don't-agree-wan thing. And it's really odd to say this, but the guys have more depth than the girls. The girls don't seem to want to get below surface talk and I always get the feeling that they're avoiding certain things. When someone manages to get below their psychology iceberg, they start feeling uncomfortable. The only time they talk about their feelings is when they're really ranting about it. That's when I can gauge the real cause beneath that behavioural part of their iceberg.

Maybe I'm being paranoid again la. But... sigh. So far only Shih Chui has talked to me about deeper things than just school. At least she really expresses what she feels about things. But then again, she's always been a blunt person.

Or maybe it's just me being so unapproachable. I've heard them rant a lot to some of the girls, but they've never ranted to me or Yee Ying. And when I see Yee Ying, I know why they don't rant to her. Maybe when they see me, that's what they feel too. Gotta lose the English-ed aura!

Shaun's back. I'm gonna go act like a reporter and bombard him with questions.

Congrats again to those who made it this far.

A Little More Updates

I didn't go plop on my bed after all. I felt I should update a little more after deserting this blog for so long.

Anyway, life in U6A3 is improving much much.

The PA quiz last week was ok la. I mean, we didn't get into the finals (cuz of our super cacat-ed Bahagian C), but Shiek Ching, Ming Suan, and I are closer already. Formerly, Shiek Ching would just nod and chuckle politely whenever I talked to her, and I really felt like there was a barrier between us that I couldn't quite break through. And I couldn't get to know her more on the class trip to EOM cuz I hung out with Sin Yee, Siew Huay, Ming Zhu, Shih Chui, Ying Chiah, Mei Ting, and Mei Fong - a totally different group (Shiek Ching usually hangs out with the more outspoken girls). Ming Suan lei, well, Ming Suan was just one of the noisy boys at the back (a row behind me only actually) who teased the rest of the girls except me and Yee Ying (another English-ed) and occasionally said "hi" in an odd, and super (sometimes like over already) polite way in the morning and at the end of the day.

Now Shiek Ching and I cari each other when we have problems in math and econs, and she's so much more energetic and open when we talk. As for Ming Suan, our friendship has now proceeded to another level; specifically, the one where he raps my table, *dush-dush*-es my bag at the end of the day and says more than "hi" to me (and more frequently than just in the morning and at the end of the day).

My desk is located at a totally strategic place in class, which is, directly under the fan. My place is never hot, even when every other place is causing its "inhabitants" to drip with sweat. Hence, the girls, and some of the guys (most would be sleeping... that's one thing that hasn't changed) would kumpul at my place to read the papers and to poke fun at each other (U6A3 is famous for poking fun at each other and other people).

I think I came on too strong while arguing about evolution and creationism with Aaron today though. Partly due to the fact that I was walking quickly to the CF meeting place (super far from my class) and he was talking super fast too. No la, don't blame other things. I get super excited when I talk about certain things, and sometimes I just suffocate people with my opinions. I'd really have to apologize to him on Monday!

Chen Li, Ju, and Jie came back last week!
It's been a long time since I saw Chen Li and Ju (I think~ 2 days is long to me so I guess the word 'long' is kinda relative). Nice to have them back! Didn't really get to talk to Ju though. I feel so bad every Saturday and Sunday. It's like I neglect almost everyone in church cuz I either have to do other stuff or go back early (Sat). I wonder how Geng Yi could go about his duties in church (a lot, lemme tell you) and still talk to every one in church. Jie came back for her laptop. Although she told me to say that she came back for my birthday. =_= Or was it the other way round? Hmm.

Lin messaged and said she was stressed out with so much assignments and exams and presentations. She has to do American Culture Study and C++ and other such odd stuff. I'm so proud of how strong she's being, all alone in KL and all. If it weren't for what Sin Yee and Shih Chui said about a similiar situation, I guess I'd still be opposing her for going for the JPA scholarship. There was a point of time when Wan Ting was always absent for class, and she skipped Business to do a Physics practical elsewhere. She had permission la, but the teacher dissed her anyway (behind her back). Shih Chui was totally against Wan Ting's actions, but Sin Yee (always the more benevolent one) said that she felt we should support Wan Ting in her time of need (she was and still is very stressed out - taking 5 subjects inc Physics). Shih Chui said I should advise her and lecture her about what she was doing and how much she was sacrificing for her ambition to be an architect. She then said that because she'd registered for her STPM papers, it was impossible to tell her to turn back now. But I had to advise her against improperly delegating her time. The second sentence not so important la. But the first one struck me lor. I'd been against Lin's decision for so long that she probably felt that she couldn't tell me anything about her problems in UiTM. So I took Shih Chui's advice, and now I feel so much better supporting Lin in her daily struggles. I find myself asking myself how I could have been so cruel so as to abandon her in her time of need in the first place.

Had fever yesterday. At first it was just nausea, so I went for PA tuition anyway. But then the air-con in the room made my mild fever worse, and so I drove home in a feverish state. I took a panadol and studied econs till 12.06 am then went to sleep. Woke up this morning with almost-panda-ic eyes and a nose with one side stuck and a hurting knee (yes, I have knee problems; runs in the family). Oh ya, I've been having these little red spots on the lower part of my arms recently, and when I told mum about them and my fever, she said with a totally straight face: "Dengue lor"

O_o

"Then must go see doctor!"
"No need la."

Wut?????

I went to school and told my friends. Sinn Ting came over with "Tse Hwei! Ni you dengue ar?" cuz I messaged her about it yesterday. They told me mum was kidding. Ceh.

Dunno wanna kena how many times =_+ The last time was "TB lor" when I coughed for one month. And the one before that was "Oooo got tumour" when I had headaches.

Mum has a really neat sense of humour.

Ooook. Thanks for listening. Congratulations to all who made it to this last sentence without skipping the middle part.

Now I shall officially plop on the sofa and drift off to sleep (probably without brushing my teeth... do I hear some *ewwwwwww*s?)

Buh-bye.

I Can't Find Robin Hood

I went to look for Robin Hood today.

Wonder how many bookstores I have to go to before I find it. Sigh.

On the bright side, I saw a book by John Grisham (I was going to borrow his books in the MGSS library after Jeffrey Archer's but tak sempat T_T) entitled, "The Street Lawyer". It's about Michael Brock, a high-priced antitrust lawyer at the fictional law firm of Drake & Sweeney. One day, a homeless man holds dunno how many lawyers hostage in the firm and bloodshed ensues. This incident changes his life and mindset, and he begins to reevaluate his priorities as a lawyer and in life. He takes to the streets and gets acquainted with life on the streets. He now takes on the task of upholding justice for the homeless, even if it means going against his old firm. A lot of his former colleagues and friends get angry with him la, and then got a lot of conflict lor.

John Grisham writes a lot about mysteries and suspense thrillers involving the legal system. Jeffrey Archer tends towards the political side. I like both!!!! But somehow I can't bring myself to buy the books I liked in Popular and MPH. I keep thinking that those kind of books are more worth borrowing than buying.

Even Enid Blyton's Children Stories T_T

Had fun moonwalking and matrix-ing with Doreen in MP today though.

Now I'm gonna plop onto the bed and sleep my mild fever away.

Buh-bye.