updates.

Attempted to be adventurous.

definitely the last attempt.

Realized Malacca does look historical

And that i'm not really sure if that's the straits of malacca *shame*

Visited the Baba Nyonya Heritage Museum for assignment.

was very impressed by their rich culture.

Attended J.U.I.C.E. Nite 2008 music practice.

we call it multi-tasking.

Got involved with representing the law fac in the UM merdeka parade

split into 3 groups (chinese, indian, malay dances) of 9 each. each group consists of chinese and malay.
these are the chinese dancers practicing.

danced till 1am for 2 consecutive days

Went to Mid Valley to buy cheong sam top.

this thing cost me rm70 ok. don't play play.

Ate my first pretzel.

Made new friendships and strengthened old ones.

louis

lulu

shan

stella

sue-lyn. she really, really reminds me of shu lynn.

yasmin

^_^" and -_-"-ed not a few times

and they were are so proud of it.

Found some Tintin shoes.

hooi ping's shoes

Snapped a photo with an astronaut.

er yeah. he's supposed to be an astronaut. you know, the one that used to model.

Took a photo of Lee Chong Wei.

yeah. i said lee chong wei.

Attended a surprise party.

Observed racial integration.

that's sharul trying to camgigolo (yes, yes, your copyright. sue me. =P).

Wished I'd paid more attention when growing up as a girl.

Watched a friend ascend the stairs as a bride.

ei ein. congratulations.

Made fun of Ken's eyes

everyone else did too at the wedding dinner. =P

Met almost the whole of Malacca (or maybe just MGC) at Ei Ein's wedding in PJ.

adults' table. others present: benghui & yokewoon, gengyi & grace, matthew & julie, shaun, me.

unc gim yuen

auntie yoke ling

kids. matthew: "geng yi's children."

Yamseng-ed with an empty glass.

Yamseng-ed twice with an empty glass.

And then I signed Chelsea and Jason up for Flirty@10.30 and we (she did, but technically i did as well cuz it was my jasa =P) won RM100 and 60 Sencepack.

I then spent a few days trying to think up designs for the LawNite t-shirt and ticket, and finally got the real designers to help me cuz muka aku pun langsung tak macam designer.

On Saturday, I got myself into the Law Career Convention, working as a salesperson for the LawNite fund-raising stall, where I thick-skinned-ly went around the law firms' booths selling badges (which I will happily put up after my test) and sandwiches (to the non-Muslims). Selling sandwiches was pure torture, especially when I had to hand them out to people myself without actually taking a bite. Sigh.

Went out with sis and her friends to makan the Ipoh Chicken Rice thingy, which was expensive but totally nice, especially the ajinomoto-dominated soup which I think I'm not supposed to like.

Went to church again today, and we had station stuff by the youth instead of the usual sermon. First station was about loving ourselves as we are and dealing with our imperfections. A young guy named Melvin who had his right leg amputated some years ago, but is now running his own IT-based company with his twin brother, shared his testimony.

2nd station was a "TV show", about friendship. 3rd station was a short Footstool Players-like skit about "Weak is the new strong". I personally thought this station was particularly interesting and well-done.

Final station was the falling-blindfolded-off-a-high-place-into-the-12arms-of-6-brave-volunteers exercise, where the theme was "Let Go, Let God".

Quite a good day. I was put into a group with 2 teens and many aunties and uncles. Ah. Practiced my muka tembok thing again, except with the aunties this time. I even attempted to kam cheng with a random auntie who poured tea for me. Her name is Vithia, just so I'll remember.

Have begun to tire of people forgetting my name and mispronouncing it (not just in church), so I now say: Chester, whenever people ask my name. And consequently, I have also mastered the art of doing so with a straight face, and keeping the straight face when they say, "That sounds like a guy's name", and when I reply, "Nope. It's short for Manchester."

Ah. Lameness.

It's what not hearing your name properly does to you.

Some aunties apologized for not noticing me, but at least they made a move and said, "I haven't seen you here before" during those moments of nothing-to-do-ness, and I must confess, as I did to them, that I haven't been mixing around with the aunties long enough for them to notice me.

Have been invited to a couple of care groups, and the Ladies-in-Touch. I think that's the only way to kam cheng with the PJGH folks, so I shall seriously consider. I think if I continue targetting my peers for kam chengness, I'm going to spend forever doing it without much fruit, so I shall modify my pemetakan pasaran strategy and expand my horizons a bit.

I'm kinda writing randomly and without thinking because I'm supposed to study for a Legal Methods test and Kemahiran Maklumat test this Wednesday, and I'd better do it fast because I can feel The Pain coming, and when it does, I'll be on my deathbed with neither desire nor capacity to much of anything else. I also have my tutorials to complete, though I must say with an adequate amount of jolliness that I feel that I can now prepare less for Contract tutorial ever since Ms. Choong stopped being my tutor and I got En. Ahmad Saufi instead, because he tends to agree with me when I speak in a clear, calm tone, and it would seem as if he is not as precise and drilling as Ms. Choong (though I really prefer her much much).

Tort tutorial is on Wednesday, meaning I have to prepare for tutorial and tests by Tuesday. I also have my Kemahiran Maklumat project to hand in tomorrow by 4pm. It's actually quite simple, except I have no idea what my facilitator wants with my title: "Explain right supply law for juvenile offenders", especially since there is no such thing as supply law online and the title obviously contains one or two grammatical errors or typos. Plus I haven't been able to find my facilitator and will have to rush to look for her and do it tomorrow.

Also, I have to get my SMS pin for Bank Islam Internet Banking once again because there was a foul-up with the service the last time I did it, and the customer service mail service is happily being inefficient.

Ah, the language I use when I'm being random.

Oh ya, I'm quite happy with the freebies I received from the uber rich law firms during the Law Career Convention. There was even one notebook WAY thicker than the current journal I have from Popular, with lovely systematically well-spaced lines and a blank page after each lined page, just the way I like it. And I have received so many pens that I have nowhere to keep them.

Brought Sarah and Ruth to church. Am trying to get Sue-Lyn and Will to go as well. I hope Pei Win has a bigger car.

I want so many people to go to church!

But I also wish the PJGH-ians would be much friendlier.

Thankfully, the adults were quite friendly today. Juen was, and always is, as well.

I saw a dude today on the pulpit, and was just thinking of telling Juen later: "That guy looks like Benjamyn Phuah" when he (as if on cue) introduced himself as Benjamyn Phuah.

That's all.

I have a tummy-ache and haven't taken my bath.

But I simply must mention that I love working with people, especially when I'm not the leader or doing any organizing work.

Buhbye!

Back on the Island

...with no Internet connection once again.

Aah.

I think that Streamyx guy sabotaged my laptop. Ish.

ANYWAY.

To the question that's been lingering in your heads since you read the first line...

I'm in the library now.

Hence the new post.

Getting round to studying again after hols wasn't as bad as I thought. I think I'm adequately re-studying. I'm kinda sick, though. Not fever, not dengue, not cough, not flu. I have no idea what it is. It's Energyless Faintheartedness, if you ask me.

I've another Law Nite meeting this Thursday, some Merdeka parade for Law Fac this Friday, nothing on Saturday (hopefully stays nothing. it'll be something if the Team Building is this Sat), church on Sunday, and...

EI EIN'S WEDDING SUNDAY EVENING!

Did I mention how much I love weddings?

Wakaka.

Taking another friend to church this Sunday. I said before I left Malacca that I want to be like CK (bringing friends to church and thereby giving the church peeps 4 years they'll never forget but will always miss) and Kevin (always serving and volunteering to serve so cheerfully and helpfully).

Boleh. Akan. Mesti.

It sounds much better in English. Aah.

Merdeka parade meeting now. *groans*

Buhbye!

Brinkibon Ltd v. Stahag Stahl Und Stahlwarenhandelsgesellschaft mb. H. [1982] 1 All ER 293

(what is that, i ask you)

Shut Up, You.

"Do not talk about the problem during the moment of tension."

-Uncle Dex-


just shut up and stop arguing.


It took so much.

I'm tired.

They're my family too.

And may our God and Father Himself, and our Lord Jesus Christ,
direct our way to you.
And may the Lord make you increase and abound
in love to one another and to all,
just as we do to you.

1 Thessalonians 3:11-12

My first thought was towards MGC and everyone there, some of whom I am yet to meet because I came back up to KL on Sunday morning 2 weeks ago.

I do miss everyone. I even miss doing this face --> -_- when the youth start talking and commenting among themselves when I am still in mid-sentence.

I miss hearing my name. =(

I was going to pen down "get to know the situation of everyone back home and encourage them", when I suddenly recalled the other church I have.

PJGH.

"Shouldn't this passage apply to them as well? They are also my brothers and sisters. We are all one family. Why should there be a special distinction for MGC? I think I see the one thing that can keep me from serving fruitfully in PJGH - the fact that I do not look forward to fellowshipping with them or getting to know them more the way Paul, Silas and Timothy looked forward to encouraging the Christians in Thessalonica."


Yes, they are my family. Jesus was right. It's easy to love those who already love us, or who are easy to love.

Serving in a foreign church sounds alright.

Loving them?

Encouraging them?

Mothering and fussing over the younger Christians the way I would back home?

Observing each one to know how they feel that day?

It doesn't sound alright.

It sounds as foreign as the foreign church is.

I must change.

I'm old enough to know what to do. Old enough to know how to do it. Old enough to carry it out.

No biases.

I shall love my family.

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PART-TIME SNACK PROMOTERS.

manchester: a lawyer's promise is a promise!
chelsea: i'm not a judge, not yet a lawyer~~~
-to the tune of I'm Not A Girl by Britney Spears-

I did not know.

i'm impressed,

i'm inspired,
i'm overwhelmed by the pianist.

i wish i'm good at something.

-yen mei, s.H.[R].u.G.S.s-

I used to think like that.
When I was seven (I think), dad dragged me aside for a little talk.
He told me my younger sister was naturally gifted in piano and I was not.
I cried like mad wei.
But it made me realize and recognise that it's ok if others are better.
What's important is the fact that I enjoyed playing the piano
and I'd work hard at something I enjoyed
even if Hwei would always be better no matter how hard I tried.
Anyway God is fair.
Everyone has something from Him.
^_^

-sis, in commenting on yen's post-

I never knew that talk happened.
I always guessed sis might have felt that way.
I never knew the extent of it.
I lived in ignorance.
True...
I have seldom felt that way -
That someone else was so talented it suffocated me.
Except the gazillion mad pianists like...
Colin Kirton...
David Khoo...
Samuel Lee...
I guess it's different when it's your sibling.
Or someone you're close to.
But most of all, I have seldom felt that way because...
I have never endeavored to try something I wasn't good at.
I have always chosen to live in a shell.
So all you who feel suffocated by a more talented person
because he excels in the same thing though you may work harder
Take comfort in the fact that you feel that way
Because you dared to try.
You dared to fly.
Praise be to God if you do fly one day.
As for myself, I will never fly.

Because...

I have never accepted the challenge my inner self proposed.


As for you, my sister.










you memang pandai ber-hiperbola la!




=P

Networking at the Symposium

I went there to build my network and get to know some international names and stuff. Learned how to be professional and pay attention to monotonous voices while daydreaming. I did some real ushering and am now truly enlightened about International Humanitarian Law, jurisdiction dispute settlements between countries and arbitrations, rights and duties by the Islamic Law, and a little bit about Environmental Law.

from left: kuen her, liverpool, me, chelsea, min how, jason, tenk siang

Neh.

i did make some crazy friends though

More updates later. I'm dead tired.

I almost fainted today

There was this fantastic thing called the Inaugural Malaysian International Law Symposium*. I had no idea what a symposium was supposed to be, but the duty description on the notice board went something like: "Volunteers needed to be runners / PA's for the participants of the symposium."

Somehow, the words runners and participants overruled every other word in the phrase.

and it somehow came into my mind that
the law fac would ask law students
to wear sweatsuits (or singlets) and run around
passing bottles to runners.
so exciting.

I signed up.

That was... 2 weeks ago? It never crossed my mind that I might have a little trouble skipping 4 lectures, 1 Islamic tutorial**, and 1 English class.

Well, it crossed my mind yesterday, when I was to attend a meeting with the person-in-charge for a briefing on our duties. Guess who the person-in-charge turned out to be?

Mm-hmm. My uber scary tort tutor. Yeah, the one that shouts at the students during tutorials, and unblinkingly tells latecomers "don't bother coming in" when they knock on the door.

To add to things, both roomies changed their minds about helping out with the symposium the day of the meeting.

And my 2nd year buddy*** said to meet up for our graduating buddy's convo on Wednesday, 11am.


I have a Tort tutorial every Wednesday, 12pm.


The other stuff were not too bad. I can be a volunteer without having my roomies around. I can skip classes and do some studying myself. I can replace the Islamic tutorial any day before Thursday because we all have the same tutor for Islamic Law.

I can't look my Tort tutor in the eye and tell her I can't make it for tutorial. I will mati dengan dasyat-menyashat.

I didn't go for the meeting.

I don't have to skip classes and replace Islamic tutorial anymore. Happy me.

I felt so rotten the entire day. Make that the entire two days. I really, really, really wanted to go. And I never liked the feeling of being a quitter. =( Not to mention an irresponsible person. =( =(

Next, I walked past the notice board and saw the selection of mooters for the NUS-UM Moot Competition in Singapore. I didn't attend the interview because (1) roomies ignored the notice, and I happen to be so unmotivated that if my roomies don't sign up, I won't. (2) it clashes with MGC's JUICE Nite. I knew the 2nd reason was probably pretty good, but I felt like such a loser because I didn't have the guts to do something on my own and to step out of that tiny shell of timidness. And I knew I stood as much chance as those people on the list. =( =( =(

So dejected that day.

I moped around feeling useless after dinner. I looked at that black object on my table, and grabbed it. Psalm 150.

I don't know why, but I felt better. It's the weirdest thing, especially since I'd felt nothing when I'd read it in the morning.

I went to bathe, and halfway through the lengthy process of the Wash Hair Day, I found myself saying, "I surrender it all to You, Lord. I will praise You. I will. I feel very much like it." And I sang Shout to the Lord (not out loud, didn't want to be labelled a bathroom maniac). It just sprang into my head, and I was singing it before I knew what it was. I only sang the chorus, for some reason. And it was so fitting to the occasion:

Shout to the Lord
All the earth, let us sing
Power and majesty, praise to the King
Mountains bow down
And the seas will roar
At the sound of Your Name
I sing for joy at the work of Your hand
Forever I'll love You
Forever I'll stand
Nothing compares to the promise I have
In You

Oh ya, I remember humming the 2nd verse after that:

My Jesus, my Saviour
Lord, there is none like You
All of my days, I want to praise
The wonders of Your mighty love

My comfort, my shelter
Tower of refuge and strength
Let every breath, all that I am
Never cease to worship You!

So I felt much better. And the doughnuts helped a lot too. =D

I decided to join the Tuesday class so I could be exempted on Wednesday. That meant slaving for 2 tutorials (Contract as well), 5 consecutive classes and no lunch (technically, got late lunch, but late lunch for tse hwei means no lunch at all cuz she gets hungry 3 hours after a meal) the next day. I stayed up completing Contract tutorial questions and attempting to read a 13-page, long-winded, repetitive case.

this is half a page

I then woke up at 5.45am the next day to finish reading (ended up picking a page randomly to read) the case and complete Tort tutorial questions.

Rushed up 2 floors (used the elevator lol) to meet the Tort tutor to tell her about the replacement. She wasn't in her room, so I left a note on her notice board:

Dear Cik Suzanna, I would like to attend your Tort tutorial on Tuesday, 12 - 1pm because my senior buddy is graduating on Wednesday, during my tutorial, 12 - 1pm, and has requested for me to be present. Thank you.

Yours faithfully,
Lim Tse Hwei,
LEB 080047, 1st year student

I literally searched my note for loopholes before pinning it to the board, after which I proceeded to rush down 2 floors (public: again, elevator. me: correct.) to attend my first class of the day. Did she get my note? ran through my mind the entire day.

While waiting outside the tutorial room, my new tutorial-mates were practically sweating and trembling with fear, looking anxiously through their notes (not allowed to bring textbooks or any other book, for that matter) and cases, and consoling each other about having to face the fiercest and strictest tutor for our 1st sem. That doesn't help very much, I thought. Once she entered the room, she said, "Is Tse Hwei here?" and proceeded to say that she could not allow me to join the class. Yoh, the tone of voice. I was surprised I could still say, "May I ask why?" "Because it's your buddy graduating, not your relative. Besides, the class only starts at 1.30pm tomorrow, so you have plenty of time."

SYABAS!!

*fireworks**crackle crackle*

Balik college to have my lunch! Yeah!

"kenny rogers" that day

I happily went to the convocation today.

4 more years

24 roses

2nd-year buddy Kean Kang
3rd-year buddy Phaik San
4th-year buddy Sher How running around
snapping pics for the grads

Lunched with senior buddies at a vegetarian (public: you ate veggies!) stall.

phaik san: "if you eat this one hor, your urine will be red wan.
if not, it means one of your kidneys rosak."
i sudah check. tak merah pun. gahhhh. kidney rosak!

Went back to the faculty at 1pm. Met Amreeta in the toilet: "Tse Hwei! Why didn't you go for tutorial just now?"

Wut.

That's exactly what I said, in exactly the same tone.

Wut.

Turns out Cik Su carried on with the 12pm class. And I missed it.

Amreeta: "Cik Su said (while looking at the empty space beside my name), 'Tse Hwei's not here today because she's meeting her seniors.'"

Oh dear.

That sounded really angry.

Rushed up the 2 floors again (this time no elevator) to meet her and explain myself. Mustered up courage before knocking on the door. No answer. Just as I pusing my head to the right, I saw her walking in my direction, while talking on the phone. Went up to her...

"Cik Suzanna, I didn't report (where on earth do these words come from? macam tentera je...) for class because I thought the class is at 1.30pm."

"I told you all last week to wait for me until 12.15, and then the class will be at 1.30pm."

(Oh, this part I really berani)

"But you said the class would be at 1.30pm." (slight tanda seru there)

"Pardon?"

"When I went for the Tuesday class yesterday, you told me the class would be at 1.30pm today."

"Oh. I asked the class at 12 if they wanted to start at 12 or 1.30, and they said 1.30pm."

"Har?"

Yeah, I said that.

After that she said to wait while she continued the phone conversation, and while I pondered the implications of missing her tutorial class.

-habis conversation-

"Look, I went down at 12, and the class said they wanted to start at 12pm. So I'm really, really sorry."

o_O

Yeah. Just like that.

I was almost stunned into silence.

Good thing she walked away pretty fast after I managed a weak "ok, thanks".

Cik Su apologized! To me! Gah!

You're forgiven!

That was totally what I was thinking when I was in the elevator (again =P).

So it was a relaxed day with a good lunch and 1 1/2 hours in between before I went for my Kemahiran Maklumat test. (the test was difficult, but that's another story)

Oh, and while waiting for Cik Su, there was a 2nd-year senior who was asking her for permission to change his duty day to Thursday, and to exchange with a Friday person. I went up to him while he was looking very anxiously at the list of "delegates", after the episode with Cik Su, and - it felt so weird - said, "Er... actually I want to go on Friday."

And then after that my 2nd-year buddy found 3 other people (including the guy just now) who wanted to switch, and I just so happened to know 4 people (including myself) who wanted to switch as well.

Solved. No skipping classes and tutorials. Except that English class la.

Overall, it was a good day.

Mostly because things turned out alright each occasion with the tort tutor.

My life revolves around my tort tutor.

Aah.

*Symposium = formal meeting at which several specialists deliver short addresses on a topic or on related topics

**Tutorial is a class with about 12 people with questions to prepare for and discuss together in greater depth than during lectures.

***Yes, I got my buddy on the last of the 4 days. That's why I said I'm not that emo d.

You know what?

life just got better.

i think the way to a woman's heart is through her stomach.

i hate this feeling


i wish august 15 would hurry up and get here
but there's so much in between

why must we always journey to get to the end?
why can't it be a simple jump from one to the other?

i hate feeling vulnerable.
i hate not being in control of my emotions.
i hate feeling overwhelmed.
i hate looking downcast.
i hate not knowing myself.

i wish my journal didn't run out of space.

i hate making wishes.

it means something isn't there that should be there.

it makes me feel vulnerable.

and i said before that i hate feeling vulnerable.

i hate this feeling of hate.

i wish august 15 would hurry up and get here

no.

i wish i could jump to august 15.

Grasshopping

desmond and cheng sze - my transport peeps

Firstly, I discovered that I was not hallucinating when I saw my Contract tutor in PJGH yesterday during the wedding. Desmond introduced me to a deacon named Uncle Chew Phye Keat. And he was like, "Oh, you're doing Law in UM? You know Choong Shaw Mei?" "Yeah. She attends PJGH?" "She's my wife. Hehehe."

Lol.

Then he brought me to meet her, and she went, "Hi!! How did you come? Did Desmond introduce you to anyone?" "Not yet." So she brought me around to the makan place (yeah!), and in the midst of eating that delicious-looking and really delicious kuih with Cheng Sze, I noticed some youths who looked like they were too old to be youths, but who were likely to label themselves youths anyway, looking over at us. They came up to us not long after, and started that process of making us feel welcome, which was obviously not a very comfortable thing for them to do. 10 points for effort!

Let me list down the names of the people I met so I won't forget in case I lose that piece of paper I'm going to write their names on in a few minutes:

• o David - currently studying Business in the USA, but back for the holidays. 22.
• o Shanny (nickname) - Economics, UPM. 22.
• o Ei Leen - Pharmacy. 23.
• o Caleb - no details yet
  
• o Juen - A-levels. Met her during her RBS mission trip to MGC. =)
• o Keith Wong - working guy. According to the bulletin, he's supposed to be in charge of coffee duty. Ah haha.
  
• o Desmond - Engineer. From Ipoh.
  
• o Cheng Sze - Former chemist, now doing Marketing. Cheras. 28.
  
• o Pei Win - Desmond's housemate. Fetched me to PJGH the first time I went.
  
• o Uncle Chew Phye Keat - deacon
• o Ms (that's what we're told to call her in tutorial anyway) Choong Shaw Mei - part-time Contract tutor in UM!
  

A lady named Suet May Liew, if I'm not mistaken, shared from Psalm 23.

Shall put all that rigorous name-memorizing training during orientation to good use.

Yeah, and I'm shamelessly blogging about them like they'll never read my blog (maybe they won't). Heh.

It's a funny thing. (how many times have I said that?)

I was feeling quite lost and alone again during the service. It feels weird to watch women stand up to share and pray. And to see women with those stylish caps on their heads instead of the traditional veil. (of which I am still an avid fan) It was a Family Led Worship today, held once a month. Uncle (yes, I shall attempt to make everyone a friendly acquaintance instead of the rather formal "mr" and "mrs") Leslie Lim was the worship leader.

Truth be told, on Saturday night, I was prepared to blog something along these lines after I return from service today:

***

The song In Christ Alone struck me yesterday during the wedding:

In Christ alone will I glory
For only by His grace
I am redeemed
And only His tender mercy
Could reach beyond my weakness
To my need
Now I seek no greater honor
Than just to know Him more
And to count my gains but losses
And to the glory of my Lord

I asked myself why I was church-hopping. What was I looking for? Friends? A ministry? A chance to serve? A sense of homeliness? A feeling of being welcome? A church with better sermons? An assembly that suits my needs and beliefs?

I confessed that the reason why I was even considering church-hopping was because I didn't feel welcome in PJGH the first time I went. Frankly, it would be so easy to follow sis to Kajang GC every week. Or even to Klang. It would definitely be so easy to attend Shah Alam GC, where I know almost all my peers, and where surely, a ministry awaits me there. Transport or distance was never a problem. I'm a road blind person oblivious to time and space. What would I know about distance?

It was then that the Lord spoke to me. So gently. So gently and so wisely that I knew it wasn't me. And I really couldn't sing very well after that.

So PJGH's women are not silent in church. So what?

Everything seems quite orchestrated and formal sometimes. So what?
Most of the churches here will be at least 5 MGCs. So what?
So I have to walk up to people myself even though I'm a newcomer. So what?

I am here because God sent me to UM. My mission remains the same, no matter where I may be.

I am to know Him more.

I am to glorify His Name.

A quote I read in Pei Ling's blog knocked itself against my head:

No man knows how bad he is till he has tried very hard to be good. A silly idea is current that good people do not know what temptation means. This is an obvious lie. Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is. You find out the strength of a wind by trying to walk against it, not by lying down. A man who gives in to temptation after 5 minutes simply does not know what it would have been like an hour later. That is why bad people, in one sense, know very little about badness. They have lived a sheltered life by always giving in. We never find out the strength of the evil impulse inside us until we try to fight it: and Christ, because He was the only man who never yielded to temptation, is also the only man who knows to the full what temptation means - the only complete realist.

-C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity, bk 3, ch. 11-

The temptation is so strong to just leave the PJ churches and run to a safer church. Maybe hop around, give the churches a slim chance, then hop into SAGC (just an example). Live happily ever after.

I was never very sociable anyway. Any church I go to would yield the same outcome.

To go where the Lord leads. Such an easy phrase to pen, so difficult to follow.

I have to be strong. I will not take the easy way out.

If I lay aside these churches, it will be for a good solid reason.

This is a little out of context, but...

Help me be good, Lord.

***

Today.

While feeling lost... Lord, I surrender all my prejudices to You today. Help me lay aside every perception and bias, every thought and worry. Today is the day I am to remember You and You alone.

Uncle Leslie read from John 4:21 - 24, and said, "It's not about where you worship, it's about how you worship."

Aah.

After service, I was so prepared to bermuka-tembok. I didn't really have to. Thank God.

Is it safe to stop hopping merely based on today?

Yes. I will not be against PJGH just because I suddenly don't feel welcome anymore next week. The time will come when I cease to be a new member, when my "new member privileges" will expire. It may be next week. ^_^"

I think the Lord has spoken.

It's not about me.

Here ends the hop.

i thank those who prayed.
and also those who vigilantly persevered
in inviting me their churches.
i do appreciate it very much.
i have given it all much thought. really.
may i still be your brethren though we worship apart.
thanks again. =)

The World. Wah.

Before the Law Lecture, I went for PKVUM* at 12.30pm at the Geology Fac (I think). I saw our advisor for the first time. He was nothing like what I expected. Hmm hmm. Name = Dr Living Lee. Weird name. Caught my eye the first time I saw it on the pieces of paper they gave us during Malam Suai Kenal. He sat way in front that day, so all I saw was his back. Typical guy with white hair and stuff (i thought he was short =P). When he stood up to speak, everything changed.

Suddenly he was this really charismatic (to all brethren, i mean that in a not-so-Christian way, if you know what i mean) guy with distinct facial features - a well-lined face with confident eyes and a bold mouth. Yeah, I'm not very good with descriptions. People must be wondering what on earth confident eyes and bold mouths are supposed to look like. *sweat* Yah, anyway, nothing wrong with his teeth. Eh hehe. I look at people's teeth first. (beware all ye who brusheth not thine teeth)

Topic was the Great Commission. I expected him to give some really long and elaborate (and often heard) speech about Matthew 28:19-20. Instead, he made things very practical. He asked us to take a look at the passage:

Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them
in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,
and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.
And surely I am with you always,
to the very end of the age.

What 2 words jump out at you?

"Who picked 'go'?"

2/3 of the people there raised their hands. As usual, I was oblivious to instruction and didn't know what these people were raising their hands for. But I suppose I would've raised mine too if I'd heard what he asked.

Anyway, he made a comment on that go word.

"We're always inviting our friends to come to church, come to this event, come to PKV, come for cell group, and when they don't, we get all disappointed and we think we're failures. In a sense, you are. Because Jesus said to go. Most of us these days are just trying to get people to come."

Ooook. Aku tercucuk. Although I got go a bit also.

Next, he present this diagram (don't have original copy, so please make do with the pirated version):

"None of my friends came to know Christ when I was in school, or in university. I used to feel like a failure. Is there something wrong with the way I live my life? Is it my testimony? But when I was first presented with this diagram, the person who showed it to me said that evangelism is moving people to the right. Some of your friends may be openly hostile or indifferent when you first tell them about the Gospel. It's okay. You know, whenever we gather for university reunions, I find that most of my friends are now Christians, and even leaders in the church. Just because you haven't done the harvesting, doesn't mean you're a failure."

At the end of the sharing, a guy from Nigeria raised his hand and shared about his vision to bring the Gospel all over the world. He said a lot, but what struck me most was this:

People say that the world is big, but it is not. You may not go to Africa, or Jakarta, or even Thailand, but remember this: Your neighbour is your world. You pass the flame to your neighbour, your neighbour passes it to his neighbour, and very soon, we reach the entire world! The world is too small for Christians!

It's a funny thing.

I went with Dad and sis to a random wedding today, just so we could have lunch together.

wedding lunch. yum.

We passed PJGH**, and Dad said, "Wow, they renovated until so nice d? Last time it was just a small house." Then we parked.

Me: Where's the wedding?
Sis: In the church lor.
Me: Which one?
Sis: This one kua.

-look-

Me: The wedding is in PJGH????????
Dad: Yalah.

Ooook.

Walk, walk, walk.

Sis: Hey, that's Stephen Lew!
Me: Yeah! STEPHEN!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stephen: Heyyy! You guys attending the wedding?
Me: Ya. You too?

Stephen: Yeah. I'm an acting valet. Waiting for the parking lot to get full and see if I can offer to drive and park a <some glamourous car name that i dunno> for some rich dudes.

stephen lew. still as selamba as ever.
dad to a lady: "this boy here used to attend mgc."
stephen: "i feel so young."


i noticed he looks different when he stares at food.
=P

Ooook.

I went in, proudly confident (lol) that no one (except Stephen) recognized me.

Sis: Now they would.
Me: Why?
Sis: Cuz you're the only one wearing jeans.

(and slippers)

Watched the uber long wedding ceremony. Looked to my left and guess what?

Sis: That's Shu Lynn's sister!

Ooook.

Went up to the upper seats on the balcony for a better view.

Me: That's Colin Kirton on the piano!

(his piano playing was so good, i tell you)

Me: I don't want to play piano anymore. =(
Sis: ...

Apa ni, the world was getting smaller every minute.

It was a very long ceremony.

presentation by the youth. very nice song.

little skit on how the marriage came to be.
the actor sang out of tune. but not bad, not bad.
10 marks for effort, as shaun would say. lol.

The time finally came. The time when the guy marrying the two said, "You may now kiss the bride." WAH. He even did a dip with the bride. Lol. I didn't recognize the groom at first. Nor did I stop to ponder the name of the groom.

I took a good look at the wedding pictures, which I must admit were very nice. Suddenly it struck me.

Me: Jie! That's Desmond Teoh! The RBS supervisor!
Sis: Really? Really? Eh ya!
Me & Sis: Pa, that's the RBS supervisor!
Dad: Oh, izzit ar?

Ooook.

Nigerian brother was right.

The world is indeed small.


*persaudaraan kristian varsiti universiti malaya
**petaling jaya gospel hall, the church i'm currently attending. sort of.

Gaya Seribu Tahun

Me and roomies: Chelsea, Manchester, Liverpool.
No, seriously. Her name's really Chelsea.



Event : 22nd Sultan Azlan Shah's Law Lecture
Venue : Grand Ballroom, Mandarin Oriental, Kuala Lumpur
Dress Code : Lounge Suit (yes, teckwei, i got it right this time)
Guest of honour : Former British Prime Minister Tony Blair
Date : 1 August 2008, Friday
Time : 3.30pm
Further Details : Compulsory for all 1st and final years

Chelsea initiated the dressing up yesterday, and as usual, I proposed to have us camwhore with the webcam. So here we are. Law students yang penuh class. =P

righhhtttt. loya buruk terbongkar.

*story of how i came to be known as manchester:

chelsea: hi, call me chelsea.
me: oh, really? call me manchester.

~2 days later~

me: eh, zhen qi needs a name also.
chelsea: oh ya hor. what ar? real madrid?
me: barcelona? milan?
chelsea: manchester city?
me: i think liverpool's the best la.
chelsea: yeah.
me: eh, zhen qi, you're liverpool noe.
liverpool: ok.

A matter of clarification

I didn't mean to cucuk anybody who called me by my muet band or label anyone as un-real friends in the previous post.

I was blogging what I felt two weeks ago, and a little of what I felt before I took my dinner, and quite a lot of what I have been feeling for the past few years. The emo-ness was just like every start of a transition, I guess.

I guess.

I'm actually hungry again now. (must be cuz i went to pang sai just now) But not emo anymore.

So I apologize if anyone was provoked by what I wrote, especially the peeps on this island with me.

I'm gonna scavenge for food now.

I think I need to stop pang sai-ing.

Take Me As I Am

I was so invisible I could walk through people.

It felt like that anyway.

The only people who knew me were my two roomies.

Even so, I messed up a few times with them, and got dejected not a few times.

It's always a tough transition - from a somebody to a nobody. I've had a few of those - from MGS 2 to MGSS, from a glorified banana-fied world to Seng Cheong Chinese Night Class, a "successful career" in MGSS to a completely passive life in MHS, from an ounce of reputation in MHS to none at all in UM & finally, from MGC to PJGH (where I'm sure I'll be greeted with "are you new here?" when I go again this Sunday).

During Faculty Orientation week, I discovered that the 2nd year seniors were on an assignment to grab a buddy for their buddy line*. I shall grudgingly admit that I was quite depressed when both roomies got their buddies early in the week, and I was still buddy-less on Thursday. It would have been a wonderful consolation to think that most of the seniors had already gotten their buddies, or they were still looking and didn't see me etc etc. BUT I went through a few occasions where the senior asked the freshies standing with me whether they had buddies, and then either pick one of them if they said yes, or ignored me if they said no. That happened a few times. I made it a point not to count, but I knew it outnumbered at least 3 fingers. Enough to make me wish I had my blue toilet bowl to sit on and brood.

I didn't have my blue toilet bowl, and roomies were too stressed out with orientation to give me the empathy that I greatly needed, so I would lie down on my bed under the guise of sleeping like a pig (good thing that reputation was already quite established) and tell myself I didn't need a buddy.

It's not about the notes the buddy could give me or the free makan or security or whatever. It was about spending 4 days watching and listening to people tell each other who their buddies are, and waiting for my own buddy somewhere out there to want me.

I wondered what was wrong.

Is there something wrong with me? Is it my attitude? Am I too much of a plain Jane? Jumping jellybeans - am I really invisible? Shall I rent a piano and start playing in the middle of the foyer? Shall I flaunt my MUET result slip? Shall I announce my STPM results? Shall I?

I was so tempted. So tempted to the point of being desperate.

It always happened that way.

The question, "Am I not enough?" was always defeated by the resounding NO that followed.

I told myself time and again that it wasn't true. But those thoughts were confirmed once again, after a paper with our MUET results was passed around the class one day. Suddenly people looked me in the eye and smiled. No, people still didn't know my name. Because that didn't matter. They called me by the grade that was printed on my MUET result slip. Literally.

I'm not saying that they're hypocrites or anything. I appreciate their appreciation of that little slip of paper, but... why does it take a little number beside the word "band" to make someone more worthy to be better known?

People know my name now. I won't be a jerk and say it's because of what I did in Form 6. It's because it's the fourth week we're together. But I can't help thinking of the unspoken prefix that lingers with my name. People call me Tse Hwei, but is that what they mean? Or do they mean, the Tse Hwei?

There are some who have the habit of not looking at the papers they sign, and so there are some who don't know what I have done or what I can do. I count that as a blessing. Because I can safely infer that when I see them smile at me, it's because they're smiling at Tse Hwei.

Readers who've made it this far would say that all this is gibberish. Perhaps some would even say I'm on the verge of boasting (or perhaps already have).

I am not.

Or at least not trying to.

Lin commented in one of the posts that I accept my weaknesses and am happy with who I am. It's not because I delight in my weaknesses. I try everyday to be a better and improved me. But those weaknesses help me hold on to friendships, because people accept me and my baggage of weaknesses.

I know you, you're the one who's always spilling soup.
Yohhh, you so blur la.
I saw you fall off the stage. *laughter*
Har? You dunno wan ar? Aiyoh! How old d!

Those kind of words actually make me happy. I used to get all sensitive and upset when people said those things. But over time, I began to embrace them. Yes, they're the cacat side of me, but at least those are part of my personality. That's who I am.

Yes, Tse Hwei spills soup whenever she drinks it (that's why she avoids soup a lot).

Yes, Tse Hwei is almost always blur (that's why she makes a big deal out of her uber scary Tort tutorial and then has to call up her roomie on the way to tutorial asking her what room she's supposed to be in anyway).

Yes, Tse Hwei falls off stages all the time (that's why she didn't like going on stage to play the piano for the choir).

Yes, Tse Hwei is almost always clueless, especially about roads and things to do with time and dates (that's why she's the only one who can tell tourists how to use the signboards in Melaka).

But that is who Tse Hwei really is. The only documents that should define who Tse Hwei is are her birth certificate, IC and driving license.

Tse Hwei shouldn't need any other documents or qualifications to qualify as Tse Hwei.

That is why there should only be one Tse Hwei, and nobody needs to say she is a Tse Hwei.

There is no need to be the Tse Hwei, because everyone has a different birth certificate, IC, and driving license that makes them unique. So no one should be exalted above the other.

Tse Hwei tries to keep quiet most of the time. When Tse Hwei is quiet, it means she's trying to stop herself from succumbing to the temptation of being the Tse Hwei. When Tse Hwei hides, it means she's trying to stop herself from being a qualified Tse Hwei.

Tse Hwei mostly just wants to be Tse Hwei.

At the same time, she hopes that Tse Hwei is enough for everyone.

If being the Tse Hwei is so unavoidable, let me be the Tse Hwei who can't make good conversations, is too quiet in group discussions, sometimes doesn't do what she's supposed to do, is sometimes too emo, sometimes too cold, mostly unsensible, but still the Tse Hwei who keeps her friends' secrets, puts her friends and family's pictures online without their permission, and who can't turn away a hurting friend.

Take me as I am.

Remember the things I have accomplished and the things I can still accomplish.

But also remember who I am.

I am Tse Hwei.

I can come no other way.

Take me as I am.

one of the times i remember my emo-ness.
savour it.

*Buddy system: Each year, a 2nd-year law student picks a freshie to be his/her buddy. Hence, the freshie will have a 2nd-year, 3rd-year, and final-year buddy. All 1st-year notes in the family line will be handed down to the freshie and the tradition continues for who knows how long.

*edit*

~author's note: when i say it's one of the time i remember my emo-ness, it means i don't feel that emo now. but the fact that i remember it means part of it lingers within me still. if i really didn't mind, i won't have to keep telling myself i don't mind. i'm ok now. except for the few moments of low self-esteem that occasionally occur. thanks for the concern. you know who you are. =)

What is man that You are mindful of him,
And the son of man that You visit him?

Psalm 8:4

In the Lord's eyes, my documents are nothing.
In the Lord's eyes, I have no qualifications.
In the Lord's eyes, I am no more worthy than the next person.
In light of what I've recently come to emo about...
That's not really a bad thing, is it?

Open my eyes, that I may see
Wondrous things from Your law.

Psalm 119:18

And Elisha prayed, and said, “LORD, I pray, open his eyes that he may see.”
Then the LORD opened the eyes of the young man, and he saw.
And behold, the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.

2 Kings 6:17

In the midst of jelingan para senior in the law fac library...

The things I go through to update my beloved blog fans. Tsk tsk tsk.



No la.



It's cuz the electricity supply in college is cut off (candlelight dinner tonight?) and I don't want my hands and feet to sweat anymore than they need to (yes, i have sweaty palms and feet - small voice: and i'm proud of them!) So here I am, looking up cases in e-journals and blogging at the same time. (irrelevant detail: more blogging than looking up cases)



As the days go by without me writing updates about life here in university and orientation weeks (yes, plural), I'm getting more slack about blogging about them. Still keeping the pictures - some taken secretly and stealthily - though, in case I change my mind.



There were some things that made their way into my journal though.



I confess that I didn't feel as homesick as the other MGC-ians did when they first left to this vile place (as a friend calls it). Not because I don't miss home, family 1 and family 2, but because one of family 1 and about 1/3 of family 2 is already here. I mean, it's always been a joke that we can start a new MGC here already. Now it seems like a really tangible suggestion.



College orientation was jia lat until the JKOs (Jawatankuasa Orientasi) came in on the 3rd day and scared the skin off all of us. I was seriously rattled. I was even expecting a nightmare at night. Thankfully, they'd had the sense to come a week before the faculty orientation. So we had about 4 days to prepare ourselves for the worst.


I learned quite a bit during orientation, but I suppose two of the most notable ones would be:

• Surpressing my emotions - We weren't allowed to smile throughout the orientation, except during the time the seniors had their fun with us during the senior-junior meet. Then they forced us to smile and look happy after throwing heaps of insults at us. During the mock trial, which is a hilarious rendition of a real court proceeding with eccentric witnesses and odd-ball attorneys, we were warned not to smile or laugh no matter what happened. Thought going through my mind throughout the mock trial was: It's not funny. No need to smile. After awhile, my heart was laughing, but not my face. I didn't even have to try to not smile. Fuh. Macam horror movie.
• Looking people in the eye - I do not like to look at people when I talk. I have an idea why, but I think those who share this trait will know why without my explanation. We had to collect 210 signatures, and I quickly found that the JKOs were more likely to be nicer to me if I looked them in the eye when I recited the *ultra long greeting. And so now I can talk to you without looking away or playing with my hair or whatever. Great achievement, hurrah.

It's such a strange thing.

There were times when I felt horrible, not because I was oppressed by the JKOs, but for certain personal and emotional reasons (public: suppress emotions too much ar?). And it just so happened (for technical reasons; no such thing as just so happened for Christians right) I was doing my Quiet Time on Psalms, and nearing the end of it. Every time I opened my Bible in the morning, there'd be a psalm there to tell me that God is with me through everything, and to hold on to Him.

I hugged my Bible like I hug my Puppy (stuffed).

Oh yeah, I'm now in the process of church-hopping. (Unc D & someone: ...) Frankly, I don't know what I'm looking for. I've been in one single church too long to be able to distinguish between what a church is and what I want in a church. All I know is I've had a sudden inclination to serve in a certain ministry, and that might be a factor in the church I choose to go to.

Pray for me, everyone!

*ultra long greeting = "A very good morning/afternoon/evening to my beloved praiseworthy, most esteemed, adored and highly thought of senior gentleman sir/lady madam. I am your modest freshie, Lim Tse Hwei from Melaka."

I Wanna Go Home

And I'm coming home to the place where I belong!

(this friday)

Yoh, cheap imitations.

Greetings from the Island of Freedom

...as senior Gary calls the Law Fac.

It is indeed an island, because we're almost completely isolated from everyone else (from other facs). People staying outside campus would be completely isolated from everyone else.

As of now, I'm staying in 1st College, meaning I hop to the Law Fac in 3 minutes everyday. Very weird to use the umbrella even on extremely hot days, because that would mean I open the umbrella for a maximum of 3 minutes.

No further updates for now. The keyboard's making a lot of noise as I type. I'll act out orientation when I come back on Friday.

All the best for the J.U.I.C.E event, everyone! (MGC-ians)